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What would you tell your 18 year old self? (programming.dev)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah, that's definitely some fucked up shit. You didn't deserve to be tormented like that. There are some really fucked up people, and you've met far more than your share of them. If you don't have the strength to get up, I get it. It's understandable. And they did fail you. your parents, your teachers, your police force, and every authority figure who could have intervened but didn't--all of them bear the blame for what you went through.

I don't have the time to respond in detail, but I can say a few more things:

I can attest that I won't deliberately hurt anyone. I've lashed out at people verbally when I was in a bad place, but that's the extent of it. Hell, I was bit by a random dog a few months ago and my first thought was "what happened to this dog that made it afraid of me?". I know there are tolerant people because I talk to a few regularly, and because I do my best to be one myself.
I don't know what you've tried, but there's a therapy called EMDR that is designed to help people with PTSD. Basically, you sit down with a trained professional and go through the memories that are stuck in your head while following some specific exercises that help you avoid getting sucked too far into them. I've heard it's really helpful for some people.
I get the feeling you recognize that I'm not the same person who hurt you, but if not, please try to remember that each person is unique. Some of them are assholes, some of them are neutral or even helpful. And if you approach anyone with aggression, you'll usually find they respond with either fear or aggression. If you go to a bar or a crowded public park and just say "hello" in a somewhat positive tone to a few people, I bet you'll get a range of responses. Some of them might be suspicious or want to be left alone, and some will likely be open to a conversation.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

If you don’t have the strength to get up, I get it. It’s understandable.

It's not about a lack of "strength" - or anything else I lack. Quit making it about "my failure". It's about humanity not deserving such regard. Until it accepts its punishment and changes how it behaves, it deserves nothing. Giving them anything before they change their behavior only teaches them to continue to behave badly. One cannot take as a precept that human beings have some internal "morality" that they won't just ignore.

I can attest that I won’t deliberately hurt anyone.

I know there are tolerant people because I talk to a few regularly, and because I do my best to be one myself.

No, you cannot. They will not tolerate me, and when faced with me, you will not tolerate me. You will regard me just as you regard the dog that bit you - with fear and anger at its audacity.

I don’t know what you’ve tried

I've tried everything - including EMDR. I have no in-tact memories - my brain ripped them all apart trying to find patterns in people's random, irrational behavior. It destroyed them because there were no patterns - you people are just fucking nuts, wallowing in your emotions.

I get the feeling you recognize that I’m not the same person who hurt you, but if not, please try to remember that each person is unique.

You assholes make a point of trying to be exactly like each other - because you motherfuckers try to exterminate anyone not exactly like you. The whole goddamned problem is your world-wide obsession with fearing and hating difference. You all would rather cut out any differences in yourselves with a hatchet than be different from one another - because you all know you'd gladly swing a hatchet into anyone you found different. Again, genocides are waged against kinsfolk - they're waged against the "other".

You, the individual, are not different from anyone else - you wouldn't still exist if you were. What makes you so special that they would let you live after killing off so many "others"?

If you go to a bar or a crowded public park and just say “hello” in a somewhat positive tone to a few people, I bet you’ll get a range of responses.

That is exactly what I did my entire childhood, and I only ever got one response - mocking derision or violence. Don't hand me this "range of responses" bullshit - you people have neither the cognitive ability nor the courage to respond in any way the person beside you didn't also respond. No one was "open to a conversation" - they all beat me and called me every name they could think of.

Face the fact that you are all delusional about the monsters you really are. You tell yourselves comforting lies about yourselves so you can continue to abuse people for enjoyment without interruption of said enjoyment. That's who you are; that's what the human race is. Quit fighting the facts and just admit it to yourselves. No one is "unique" - you motherfuckers have been in a war against "unique" since you evolved from lemurs.