AITAH

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/ThrowawayConstruct5 on 2023-08-12 15:00:39.

My ( 44F) husband ( 47M) has basically declared war on me.

We have 3 kids ( 10M, 7F, 3F). Our son is a talented tennis player. My husband and I were both college athletes. He almost went professional for baseball. And I used to mentor girls who ended up becoming NFL cheerleaders.

My parents never had the money or dedication to support me pursuing what I loved- I made the best of it, but wanted it to be different for my son.

He gets intensive pre professional training. Because of that, and the fact that we were building our own dream house, my husband worked a night shift job, a first shift job, and also worked as 4 to 6 hour shifts as event staff during weekends.

Meanwhile I had a receptionist job that was 32 hours a week. My son's tennis sucks up the entire income from my husband's night shift job, plus my income. The rest of the money was needed to build and maintain our dream house.

I thought that contractors had bad insights. So we acted as our own GC. We had a construction loan but on top of that we had to pour our money into it because things went wrong. Friends told us our only way out was to build something unique enough we could just sell it for high and make some money from it.

At that point we started arguing. Apparently HelloFresh, which advertises affordability, isn't affordable. Argued about leasing a Jeep vs Toyota. Then came the instance where my husband was driving home from his day shift. He was feeling tired, yet he decided to start the car.

He drove for a while, apparently knew he was tired, and then pulled into the roundabout area of an apartment complex. He dozed off before putting the car in park and ended up hitting the apartment's garage door. He was fined by the apartment, plus a citation for reckless driving, and a fight started after he walked in the door.

I said that they've charged people with felonies for that. He could have lost his career. He starts screaming he has " woken up" and thinks he works so hard all for me. He called me a narcissist and said he thinks I get him to do all this because I feel inferior and to have somebody do all this gives me an extra kick.

He then said we needed a trial period apart. We got into an argument yesterday after he said he's thinking of quitting his night shift job and filing for divorce. He insulted our house saying it looked like 5 people from different eras built parts of it and smashed it together.

I replied by saying he's not going to get custody when I tell the judge about him being a reckless driver, and maybe he'd even be denied visitation. He screamed and said even child abusers get visitation and I replied that the court official wouldn't have to be in a car with them. My husband got calm and said that was the last straw- from now on I'm no longer important to him. AITA for saying things in anger when he's been blaming me? He's the one who decided to get in the car and possibly run over everybody.