AITAH

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Effective_Cherry_175 on 2023-10-07 13:31:18.

I’m currently pregnant with my second baby. During the pregnancy with my first I had a very rough labour. I went into hospital when my labour began but was only 2cm, I didn’t get sent home due to the baby having 2 major heart rate drops whilst I was being monitored.

The problems started when me and my husband were left in the room with only the trainee midwife. I was hyper stimulated - meaning my contraction were intense and irregular as a negative response from my body towards the labour. I was taking the gas and air and she said “You don’t need to take the gas and air if your not having contractions” I told her I was still feeling pain but she insinuated I was using the gas and air for “fun”

It took the lead midwife to come into the room and notice I was hyper stimulated and my baby was in severe distress. I was also trying to stay hydrated during labour and went through 2L of water, she continuously made comments about how much I was drinking and my toilet breaks. During a conversation with my husband we discussed my concerns about a c section as I worried that was what my labour would lead to due to the circumstances. She interrupted and said “atleast your genitals won’t be damaged, better to be cut on ur tummy than your vagina”

At this point I had completely lost it and had enough. I told her that her job is not to judge my every action during labour, make me feel uncomfortable and comment her opinions about what I should and shouldn’t feel comfortable with. I admit I did swear but I couldn’t help it I was in so much pain and she had pushed me over the edge, I lost my composure and had her escorted out of the room.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Odd_Phone5778 on 2023-10-07 12:52:48.

After almost 2 years of trying my husband and I are finally pregnant, today we got the results of my NIPT which includes gender results. He was excited and told his mom, later in the day they were on a phone call together and after being told not to say it as I didn't know yet and was waiting for a gender reveal she shouted "What?! I told you that you were having a boy!", I'm heartbroken. I wanted to wait and share the moment with my parents and grandparents at a small gender reveal where I get to cut a cake and it was ruined, she doesn't even understand what she did wrong and is calling us sensitive for being upset! This has destroyed me, I'm returning the shirt I bought for the gender reveal and I don't want her to be part of my or my son's life, but, I know that my husband would never allow her to be cut off so I told him I'll compromise and she can be part of our son's life but I never want her alone with him, if she can't listen to one simple instruction what makes you think she'll listen to our parenting choices? He's PISSED about this and it caused a massive fight, he says "look how I turned out, I'm fine", to me while he may be alive it's been over 20 years since she had a baby, she is emotionally abusive and doctor shopped to have him placed on several unnecessary medications. Also, thisis the same women who had called the cops on him for stupid reasons, like asking her what college degree she had and telling the cops he threatened to unalive her, same thing for asking for her wifi password and thinks baby wearing is SA. AITA for not trusting my MIL alone with our son?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Electronic-Buy7951 on 2023-10-07 08:42:32.

I'm a (30F) with a (30M). We've been in a committed relationship for 2 years, not married, and live under the same roof. He has the typical arrangement where he gets his twins every other weekend (4 days a month).

A few months ago, he was put off work for at least 12 weeks until they can figure out where the pain is coming from. He will be losing his short term disability and his insurance if they can't find another position for him in the company that isn't physical.

He is a great father and always pays his support, including half of all medical bills and activities his kids are in. I asked him to speak with the mother of his children and let her know until he gets back to work, the amount he can contribute toward the unnecessary extracurricular activities will be significantly less. Especially when between the two of them it's around $300 to $500 a month not including basic child support.

He hasn't yet spoke with her yet...

Before I talk to him about this..., am I the asshole for not wanting to pay HIS child support and their extracurricular activities? I have no problem paying the other household bills... but I'm not ok with this. I didn't knock her up.

Thanks in advance.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/throw_awayayayeh on 2023-10-07 07:11:21.

I (28F) got berated by my partner's (28M) stepdad (60ishM) and was in shock shaking, hyperventilating and hysterically crying when all was said and done.

A little context, my son was born last fall and I suffer from postpartum depression and anxiety, along with severe unmedicated adhd(bc breastfeeding), lifelong depression and anxiety, ptsd and constant dissociation. Hence the little breakdown I had. I do my best everyday to not succumb to my issues but having a baby now and trying to figure out how to go about being a mom, it’s easy for me to let things slip through the cracks. My partner also has adhd so we tend to struggle to keep things tidy. We currently live with his parents, as it’s close to impossible to have your own home in California and we’ve been saving up to get our own place for next year. I’ve been living here since last spring and have only known his stepfather since. Also I should note, his name is on the house but it’s my partner’s mother’s house. She bought it, she’s been paying the mortgage for over 20 years now. They’ve just got married this past month and he’s only lived in the house in couple more years than I have. It’s my partner’s childhood home.

Now to the point, my partner’s stepfather was installing a baby gate at the base of the stairs and asked if our cat’s litter box was cleaned out last trash day because he said it smelled. Now the litter box is my partner’s job for our two cats but they also have a family dog that I’ll get into later. I told him it wasn’t cleaned and I would have cleaned it if I didn’t have a pulled muscle in my abdomen and if I didn’t have to watch my newly walking troublemaker all day.

This turned into him yelling at me that I never do anything and always make excuses for everything. That I never clean my dishes, never pick up after my son, ignore my son when I eat, endanger him, and basically said I’m good for nothing. I told him he had no right and no place to be saying anything to me like that but he said “Well someone has to”. It’s none of his business how my partner and I distribute chores and he was way out of line and disrespectful and rude. He said more things about me not working and not doing anything (like hello?? I’m doing full time child care with no breaks or meal periods and he has the gall to tell me that I should do more just because my partner has a job and I don’t??) There was more that I can't remember but he was going off on me for about five minutes or more.

For some clarity, I always clean up my dishes and even do his dishes and my partner’s mothers dishes every morning after they eat breakfast because they always leave their breakfast dishes on the counter by the sink to clean later. The whole time I’ve lived here, I’ve only seen him clean his own dishes just one time when my partner’s mom was out of town for the weekend. Once. And he was mad about the one time dishes were left out because I had to deal with my crying teething son while my partner worked on his computer. The dishes were left out for a few hours at most because we were coming back to prepare lunches after the work was done. I always pick up after myself and my son whenever we’re in the shared living spaces. The only time I don’t is when my son needs consoling or my partner is home and he’s left to clean things. He said I always endanger my son because I leave him sitting watching Miss Rachel(where I can see him btw) while I use the bathroom with the door closed and because our room is messy. First of all, I close the bathroom door when I hear someone coming through the house because obviously I’m not going to go to drop a deuce with the door open as someone walks by. Second, my son is sitting in a safe place, where I can see him, playing with his toys and is less than 10 feet away from me. I don’t ignore my son when I eat, I’m just eating??? I don’t need to have him on my hip 24/7 and I’m allowed to have basic human rights and needs. And I’m sorry but when have clothes on the floor and toys become a source of danger for a toddler that always has someone watching him? Oh and that dog I mentioned? He always shits on the floor and I know this man sees it and just leaves it for me or his wife to pick up. I wouldn't usually be upset about dog poop but we live in a small house with no designated area for my son to stay in while I take out the cleaning sprays to mop up the floor. So when I know this man has seen it and can easily clean it up but instead leaves it for the woman with a curious toddler to battle while also trying to not get shit all over my hands that's when I get pissed off. That clearly says to me that no matter how smart he might think he is, he doesn't have a clue about what it takes to be a mother and clearly has zero respect for me or his wife.

Now for the cherry on top, I want to preface this by saying that my mother and I have always had a strained relationship. She’s rarely supportive, always has something bad about me to say to others and has always compared me to my addict/felon/absentee father since I was a child. The one main thing she taught me growing up, was that I can’t depend on her emotionally and she proved that to me today. When my partners stepfather was done yelling at me he finished by saying that I lived up to every expectation my mother told them about me.

I don’t know exactly what she said but from her history and how he said it, it wasn’t anything remotely nice or supportive as a mother should speak about her daughter. My partner’s mother has always been supportive and has shown more kindness to me than my own mother has in the short time that I’ve lived here. It’s no coincidence that she wasn’t home when this happened and I don’t care if it was a moment of stress and he blew up on me, that’s no way to treat someone when you have no idea what they’re going through mentally. He’s never tried to get to know me and he always tries to correct me because he probably thinks I’m stupid too.

I just don’t know how to come back from this. I already live 6 hours away from my closest friends and barely have anyone to talk to and I just feel like I pour into everyone’s cups and my cup is always empty. I feel bad enough that this all happened but I don’t want to live in a place where I’m talked to like this and constantly getting rude side comments from him about how he thinks I should parent my son.

So, in your opinion AITAH?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/TrashyClassySassy on 2023-10-07 08:59:35.

I 28F went out to the bar tonight to grab a drink and unwind from the work week. I go to this bar regularly so I know some bartenders, security, and some of the other regulars.

I ended up sitting next to someone 34M that I have met there before that I’m not too fond of. He doesn’t know how to just chat. The last two times I was around him, I watched him take every simple conversation and turn it into an opportunity to spew his opinions on how everything has a deeper meaning that we can’t understand but he’s about to educate you on what it is. Another man 44M came up to his friend at the table and introduced himself to me. He started with small talk like my age what I do, then he began talking to me about how spirit and energy are important and went on a tangent that I most checked out for. He ended it with talking about how I carried and presented myself well and I seem like a “good woman that deserves a strong man to lead her” which to me was gross then he tried to ask me for my number. I told him that he was older than all of my siblings and closer to my parents age than my age. He said he had his own place and he was an independent man and I stopped him to let him know it’s not about that, I take care of myself fine.

Then, previously mentioned 34M and 44M started talking and 44M told 34M that he could teach him more about the true ways of the world as a man. 34M said he can’t be taught anything and they got into a heated argument with me sitting in the middle. They found common ground and 44M looks at me and says “do you see how real men resolve issues?”. I told him that I am always glad when people can talk and find common grown and be looked down, shook his head, and said “you clearly don’t understand what I’m saying” and this is where I lost it a bit.

I told him that if he were a real man in the ways he believes, he would be home with his wife and kids instead of trying to get with women that he could have birthed. That if he was a good man, women his age would be interested but clearly they can see his bullshit which is why he wants a younger woman he could “teach” which was really weird. I don’t want or need a random man to teach me how to be a woman. I ended with saying that his spiritual spewing was bullshit because his first response when I rebuffed him was saying he had his own place instead of asking why I was hesitant. That he’s materialistic like the type of mindset I heard him detest. He’s not that deep or a real man and he needs to reevaluate his thought process and possibly life. Throughout this he tried to interrupt me and I kept saying “a real man shows respect and doesn’t interrupt” which surprisingly shut him up.

Everyone at the table looked at me in shock when I was done because I’m guessing I was louder than anticipated and I scurried out and went home. Now that I’m home, I feel like I may have done a bit too much in my attacking and I feel kind of bad. AITAH?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/ObjectiveCattle422 on 2023-10-07 06:19:55.

TW: SA Hi, I have been having a hard time knowing which subreddit to post on but here it goes. When I (24F) was 20, my friend (22F)and I went to meet up with some of her friends at their place. Everything was fine- we got there ahead of those friends and waited but when they showed up, another person (we will call him J (28-30M at the time arrived and we were taken aback because we didn't know other people would be there. I was pretty shy and kept to myself and my friend but other than that the day went pretty smoothly. We were all drinking, having fun, boating etc. It started to get late and went back to the house. We hung around and eventually we ended up in the hot tub after a while, I decided that was enough for me and that I was heading to bed we didn't want to drive back home seeing as we were not in the position to). Long story short, J followed me into the room I was in and sa’d me- multiple times (please don't come for me about my choices- i have already berated myself and tried to rationalize/give him grace). The morning after, I tried to tell my friend and she brushed it off and so I decided I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it and wanted to try to keep living as if nothing happened. That was until a month or two later, I was violently ill and dropping weight almost dangerously so my coach and my friend had me see the doctor. Surprise, was pregnant. I had just reached the point where I was beginning to have my life feel like mine and after that night everything changed.

I will spare you the dramatics of everything that happened after but to answer the big questions. Yes, I told him. Yes, I kept the baby. I also ended up reporting him- the officer contacted him and he said he thought it was a "romantic" evening and of course his friends backed him up. They dismissed my case saying that I didn't have enough evidence ("people have babies all the time") and that it was his word against mine. I often wonder if I should have spared myself the humiliation knowing that as a bw making this report against a wm in a small town, I was already fighting a losing battle. At first he asked me to get an abortion stating that he had a girlfriend that he loved very much and wanted to marry but that she wouldn't marry him if she found out. I explained that because of my religion and my family threatening to ostracize me, I couldn't. He then wanted to coparent. I let him know that I do not feel safe around him and would not allow someone like him around my child but he fought me on it until I made the report and he stopped. I have done everything I can to support myself and my child as well as protect us from him but it is not enough so wibta if I requested child support. To explain why I feel like idta: I don't want to seem bitter that my life has changed astronomically and I have had to adjust while he gets to continue living as if nothing happened so I want to make him pay; literally. I am also very worried that by making this request, he would have access to us or could try to. I have worked very hard to keep us safe and keep him away these past few years and above all I don't want to jeopardize that. WIBTA?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/BigInstruction9948 on 2023-10-07 01:56:04.

We have been dating for about 3 months and our relationship and sex life has been fantastic. We spend a lot of time together laughing, doing fun things, lounging around and having lots of sex. She orgasms at least once nearly every time we get intimate including with penetrative sex. She has even told me that I am the best sex she’s ever had (idk if I 100% buy it but still, it’s clear the sex is good for her).

Thing is, I’ve been on Cialis nearly every time we’ve had sex. The sexual side effects of my antidepressants as well as some preexisting performance anxiety led me to get the prescription. The fact that I like her so much and worry about not performing for her led me to taking it.

I feel terrible that I’ve kept her in the dark about this, but I’m also scared to tell her after all this time. What i’m thinking I’ll do is just stop taking the Cialis and see how it goes. If I have performance issues then maybe I’ll come clean about them and if I’m going to need to take Cialis in the future I’ll be honest about it.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/pay_me_in-cats on 2023-10-07 04:46:39.

I (33F) am tired of my husband(31) telling people I don’t have a job. For clarity, when we got together I had a job but work isn’t something that brings me joy so I barely talk about it unless I’ve had a bad day. I work for the family business and I put together and submit building permits to various cities in my county and sometimes in other counties. I do a ton of driving for work and have to have strong people skills to deal with the city employees. We’ve been married for seven years and all the way through he’s told people I don’t have a job, it seems because I work for my family. Even his mother sent me job applications when we we got engaged. Yes, I will say since the pandemic, the work hours have been less. But I still bring in an income. I’m pretty much salaried at a set amount of hours when the work is low. But I’m embarrassed by the way he presents me to people. When it comes up he tells people I don’t work and then I get people referring jobs to me. And I’m not very good at speaking up for myself and if I do he tells them I don’t work. Usually I’m shocked that he even insists that I don’t have a job so it catches me off guard. We had an argument about it and he cussed me out saying I don’t understand him?? As a side note he told me when we got married that he didn’t want me to work and wanted to support me( he is the breadwinner in the house)which is amazing but am I the asshole to want to still get acknowledged for what I contribute to the financials?

Also as a side, side note I love this man to pieces. He’s been an amazing partner in many, many ways but this one part is hurting my feelings badly.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/throwaway_75O on 2023-10-07 03:23:14.

On Wednesday I gave my now ex money to buy supplies & gifts for my son’s birthday because I had to work. He took the money, the list, and acted excited to shop for him. When I got home from work I asked if he was able to find everything we needed. He started crying saying he was forced to repay his loan shark or they were going to hurt him. He used my $250 to cover a gambling debt that I didn’t know he had. He said that we don’t have “my money vs his money”, that it is “our money”. There is no ring on my hand. I had to doordash for over a month on my hour lunch break to earn this extra money for my son’s birthday. I asked him If he owed some dangerous loan shark money why wasn’t he working extra to repay them? He is an able bodied adult if he was afraid for his life he sure didn’t act like it. He told me his gambling isn’t that big of a deal and that he will just repay me when he gets paid.

Absolutely not! He stole from a child, his gambling IS A BIG DEAL. He told me I really needed to rethink my decision because we could just pretend his birthday was on another day, “he doesn’t know it’s her birthday”. My son has special needs but is high functioning, he knows his birthday is coming up, and he knows we are supposed to have a party. It’s already harder for boys to make friends let alone having a disability that seems “weird” to other kids but he TEN kids RSVP to his party that is supposed to be on Sunday. I already paid the partial deposit for the jump gym. He tried telling me I should just forgive him because “no one will want you with a (slur-R word) son.

I told him to leave & I broke up with him on the spot. I gave him enough time to get his stuff despite him saying sorry & begging me. I told him he had 24 hours to give me my money back and that he needed to find somewhere else to stay because I have 3 kids here who I’m not going to have in potential danger because of him. Today I went to make a police report for the money (to show him I was serious so that he would bring my money back). I told the officer what had happened and was told that since I gave him the money that it wasn’t a crime so I couldn’t make a report.

I was telling my friend about what happened and she basically said that he was a good guy who just made a mistake. That dating these days is hard as hell and I’m never going to find another guy who will want me with all my baggage. (I have 3 kids whose dad is in prison for nearly killing me.) “When you are in a relationship you help each other”. “It’s creepy that you are choosing a child over a grown man”. She told me I should just cancel the party and swallow the cost of the deposit. To just pretend his birthday is actually after I get paid. I’m sick to my stomach that these people in my life think just because my son has disabilities I can easily manipulate him. I’m going to have to cancel and call all the parents which is giving me so much anxiety because when I’m upset I cry and I’m about to be boohooing while trying to explain to my son what happened. My now ex was the only male figure in his life and this is going to crush him.

Am I living in the twilight zone, how am I the asshole here?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/katsaghost on 2023-10-06 23:15:00.

So recently I started a new job as a server. Sometimes we get so busy I dont have time to pee and hold it, then as adhd kicks in I forget I have/had to go. This has resulted in a UTI, I didnt have time to go to the doctor and was treating it with OTC medication to relieve the pain. However this resulted in a hopsital visit just last night and turns out I have kidney stones and a kidney infection. I havent been feeling too great all day as the medicine the hopsital have me for pain has worn off. I was napping with my boyfriend and he was watching the final episode of Asoka. He turns over and starts pressing into me and asking to do spicy things. I told him no and he turned over and started giving me the silent treatment. I didnt want to deal with it so went in my room to keep napping. Him on snapchat: "I’m kinda turned off by the idea of having to talk my girlfriend into doing sexual stuff. And then getting rejected. Real fun stuff, not ego bruising or emotionally destabilizing at all 👌🏼"

"I’m dissapointed, You don’t have to say anything, Just wanted to let you know how I feel"

Anytime I dont do whatever he wants when he wants he gets passive aggressive. I told him I didnt feel that great but if he wanted I was willing to come do something spicy if he wanted. He rejected that saying it felt like I was doing it out of pity, which is a turn off. Fair enough. I love him but nothing is ever his fault and I feel like a constant problem because all he does is get mad at me for something I did or didnt do.

AITA for telling him no?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/throwawayAITA-SISTER on 2023-10-07 01:39:18.

I just want to come here and update everyone that I have told my BIL about the affair.

I have read all your comments and thank you very much for the insight. I had to do what would make me sleep at night. I love my sister but she must’ve known that I couldn’t just live with the guilt. I have been cheated on by someone I loved and I know how shitty and selfish you must be to cheat. I also know that if I could do it again, I would want to know this time too because while the pain was enormous, I still feel lucky now that I found out.

My sister has called me like 20 times but I didn’t answer. She texted me,

“Do you feel better right now? How could you do this to me? I loved you, you ruined my life”

I didn’t answer her. I wanted to answer her that she was the one who ruined her life but I didn’t answer her. My parents are shocked and angry but not with me. BIL called and told them everything and he talked about plans that maybe my sister and he will move back to his hometown. He is devastated and broken. I hope they can move on from this together or separately, it doesn’t matter. But that they move on and find real happiness and not at the cost of other people like it is now

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/inlovewithsadness on 2023-10-07 00:02:10.

Throwaway account.. Me (M45) and my wife (F42) have been married for 15 years. Before I was able to marry her, I had to convert to Catholicism so we could marry in a church. I wasn’t raised religiously but my dad was Catholic and mom was Jewish so didn’t really feel a huge connection to religion. I didn’t mind converting at the time and it was an interesting experience. But as I’ve gotten older, I feel less and less religious. Not quite an atheist but I have no interest in organized religions. They can be good but there’s too much bad stuff. Now we have two kids (M5, F7) and before they went into school I discussed with my wife that I’m not super comfortable with them going to a Catholic school. We had a discussion and I told her my feelings now and she got very upset and said I promised in our marriage vows to raise our kids as Catholics and I’m now going against our vows and breaking our wedding contract. Needless to say, both our kids are now in Catholic school and if I make any small remark about not being religious anymore, I get the same reaction.

So AITAH for my changing my mind about religion and what I want for my kids?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/IntolerantCheeseFart on 2023-10-06 22:04:52.

I live in kind of a fancy pants neighborhood and it’s a pretty stark contrast to my own person. I’m heavily tattooed and self made + pretty down to earth I’d say. Most of the people living here on the other hand were born into wealthy families and are complete snobs, except for the guy across the street. Shoutout to David if you’re reading this.

I was enjoying my week off today as the doorbell rang. I opened up and there they stood, the three Stooges. Some neighbors gathered to complain about my kid.

They were less than pleased with him drawing with chalk around the streets and onto their perimeter walls (he didn’t enter any properties just drew from the sidewalk).

The chalk is normal grocery store chalk and washes off extremely easily. If it’s not thickly applied you can even somewhat blow it off. One rain and it’s gone. None of the color stains, nothing stays behind.

They kept on ranting and I couldn’t contain my chuckling. I usually am pretty strict, but this was just hilarious to me. 3 grown men complaining about a kid drawing flowers and such with chalk.

They threatened to get the police involved. I told them that I’d love to laugh and chit chat about these completely hysterical complaints with an officer. After that I basically laughed them off the porch.

As for my kid, I’ll definitely not discipline him for going out there and being a kid, not causing damage or harm, but just chalking some very short lived doodles. I’m more sad for the bitter Stooges who can’t enjoy a childs drawings. If any of their kids were to draw onto mu front porch even, I’d sit down with them and ask them about their cool little drawings and listen to them explaining their little worlds to me.

Am I going crazy? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/ablaut-reduplication on 2023-10-06 19:48:39.

No one wants to read a wall of text.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Throwaway_Ian_ on 2023-10-06 19:36:28.

Nicole (40, F) and I (M, 40) were together for less than 2 years. She broke up with me 2.5 weeks ago. At first, she said she hated me and didn’t want to hear from me ever. I respected that and did not contact her. One night, she drunk-texted me about wasting her time and suggested getting back together. I ignored it since she was obviously drunk. Recently, she informed me that she is pregnant. I asked if the baby is mine, which made her furious. She accused me of accusing her of cheating ! . Even though she hasn’t had a doctor's appointment yet (which I told her I wanted to attend with her) she has informed my entire family that I got her pregnant and abandoned her and the baby. My Christian mom, siblings, friends, and cousins are pressuring me to propose to her. Today, she called me three times at work, suggesting meeting over the weekend with my family for a small wedding. I lost it! I don’t even know if the baby is mine, and I won’t marry someone just because of a baby. She called me an asshole and hung up and called my family again , and my entire family is mad at me.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/LazyBug256 on 2023-10-06 19:03:25.

I have a receding hairline so I decided to get a hair transplant. My ex is mad and thinks that I should have spent the money on her to get a mommy makeover. She had bought up a while back me paying for half. At the time I thought it was too much money and didn't think it made sense for me to pay for that since we weren't together anymore. So, now she's really pissed that I spent so much money to fix my hair and not for half her mommy makeover when I'm half responsible for her body being ruined after having our son.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/thejorpe on 2023-10-06 18:28:18.

I 28m have been neglecting my father for the past 10 years since he’s trying to reconcile with me and wants to be apart of my life again.

Every time he messages me I will bite back with an angry response of something like: “don’t talk to me anymore, I don’t care about seeing you etc”.

My parents divorced when I was 9 and was split custody until 12. He fought for years with lawyers to try and get full custody but didn’t win. Around 9-10 he married my stepmom and every since then I felt like I came second to her. She would tell him how to act and what to wear and my dad let it. My stepmom is filipina and was born in a different culture than the west.

One time my dad was wrestling with me as a joke and my stepmom comes around the corner and tells us to stop and asks my dad how old he is for acting that way.

A while before my dad kicked me out my sister was getting into fights with my dad and said she wasn’t coming back. So it was just me visiting my dad for awhile until one day I mistakenly spat on the carpet (was a young dumb kid just learnt to spit and thought I was cool). Both him and the stepmom are screaming at me and my dad says I’m not to return. He sat me down and gave me the talk of how I’m not coming back anymore. We can still talk on the phone but visiting is no more. I kept crying saying no please. And he said “ur giving me chest pains” and as a young kid I actually thought my presence was hurting my dad so I left willingly.

Now that I’m older and I’m starting a life of my own I specifically told him I want nothing of him and I don’t want him apart of my new life. I told him he needs to suffer as I suffered.

Am I the asshole? I feel like I still need a dad but he is not a dad he’s my father, one is earned one is given.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/pinksunflowerss on 2023-10-06 18:13:56.

I need some genuine insight on a friend I have. I know how people on here can be a little mean so I want to preface this by saying that I’m not trying to be childish and just cut this person off, however from a spiritual standpoint some things just don’t sit right with me.

So I’m 25 and my fiancé is 25. He introduced me to his best friends girlfriend who is 25 also because they wanted us to be close.

First, I feel as though she can be competitive. For example, I’ll tell her me and my fiancé went somewhere on a trip and she’ll respond by saying “I need to get ___ his passport so we can travel too” or “oh I went there a few years ago”. While doing this she doesn’t even respond to what I told her so it comes off as a one up or competitive type mentality. The competitiveness seems to be mostly about our relationships too which is so weird to me. I typed her fiancés name in my search bar on iMessage to make sure I wasn’t tripping and 200+ messages popped up of her mentioning him alone this year. Her response to anything I say is to respond with something that they did similar and a lot of times I don’t even mention my fiancé or I.

She’s also planned several trips with me and will cancel at the last minute. I could understand if something comes up but at least twice she went on another trip for those same dates which comes off as completely disregarding my time!

I got my bachelors, she told me she’d come to the graduation and didn’t show or give an explanation on why. She watched my Facebook stories all day then ended up texting me around 10pm that night to say congratulations but still no explanation of why she was a no show when she knew I had limit tickets and one was designated to her. Yet expects us to constantly show up and support them.

I said all this to say I’ve been considering blocking her because of the weird vibes but for one, I don’t want to offend her. And 2 I don’t want things to get weird between the 4 of us. I could be reading too deep into it so I want genuine feedback on if I’d be the AH for cutting her off? They’re getting married in March and I’ve been saying I’d go but at this point I’m extremely uncomfortable.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Puzzleheaded-Cold760 on 2023-10-06 20:54:47.

Original post :

I know this is quick, but I am someone who always act quickly. So here is the update.

I had a much needed conversation with Max. I showed him the post, replies, advices and experiences. He looked defeated to see this.

At the core there were two issues.

1. How much do I trust him?
2. How do we handle finances moving forward?

He told me he was ready to sign a prenup before I even asked. If that would alleviate my worries. He said all he wants is to have everyone in the household to feel equal. To not make his kids feel resentful. To make it fair to everyone.

I understood that.

The fact is there is no way it can be made fair to everyone. If I want to give my daughter the best of everything, I should give same to his kids too. But that is not always possible even with our combined incomes.

For example if her love for riding stays, both me and her would prefer she attend a private school providing equistrian sports. Tuition for that and related costs can be availed from her trust. But we would not be able to afford to pay tuition for his kids out of our combined income. Trust is already set up and even I cannot withdraw money for their tuition. Even if I could, I would be reducing my retirement funds or my daughter's inheritance. Same goes for car, tuition fund, and all other expenses my daughter will have covered but even with our incomes, we can't give equally to Max's kids.

Further, marriage is a big risk. Even with a prenup, if he takes on debt during course of marriage, I would also be liable. A lot of the comments have instilled a lot of fear in me. I am also worried about the resentment finance is going to build.

I love Max. I really do. But I love my daughter million times more. She is my life. I have to accept that her future and oppurtunities is more important to me than a marriage. Atleast for the next 9 years. (Who am I kidding, till my daughter can fully be independent)

And I cannot fault him for wanting the same for his kids. He is just being a dad. But I cannot take away from my daughter to give to his kids. I can only give equal love and care to them. Equal attention.

Financially we are just not compatible.

Long story short, I gave back my ring. Engagement and marriage is off the table for now. After all, there is no real necessity to get married. We are both sad about this turn, but the fact he did not kick up a fuss is a bit reassuring. I really do believe our companionship is just as valuable to him as to me. Just that we are also parents who wants the best for our children.

We don't know where our relationship is going. I would still like to have him in my life. But he is also free to leave and find another person. I did not ask him to leave and he is staying for now.

I will try to keep normal stuff equal between all. Whatever I can afford to do out of my income.

My daughter is still getting a pony. Its a gift from her great grandpa, after all. I would not compromise her life and choices. My grandpa took me in for her sake. He left it all to me for her. I cannot compromise on that. And there is no need for 3 ponies. Neither of his kids know or has shown any interest in riding. If they want one after seeing my daughter with hers, we will be getting them riding lessons. And they can share. They will be getting the best birthday presents we can afford that alligns with their interests for their birthdays. If Max sticks around till then.

I will also be protecting the house and land as well. He cannot make claims on it as far as I know. But I will still be discussing it with my estate lawyer.

Thankyou for helping me see what I refused to. Love had me blind.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Wookiesar on 2023-10-06 18:06:27.

Me and my boyfriend were talking about the type of rings we bought for each other (engagement). I said I did not want him to waste so much money in a ring because I just felt bad about that much money going into a ring instead of something else like a down payment etc. He told me the ring had cost him about $5,000, which I saw as an absurd amount of money to spend in a engagement ring. He had told me that the ring represents me entirely, and it had my name on it (not literally), that it just "looked like me". After that, we talked about the true origin of the ring, and he actually told me that it was not made for me, it was his mother's ring that his father had given to her when they got married. The "problem" starts with the fact that they got divorced, their marriage was not a happy one and my boyfriend's memories of the divorce process are very negative, of course. And so I feel like the history behind the ring it's not really appropriate or represents the type of marriage my boyfriend and I aspire to have. Instead, I discussed with him about the possibility of selling the ring and buying me an engagement ring that is WAY less expensive and simpler. The rest of the money left from this exchange was agreed to be split between my boyfriend and his mom. Am I the asshole for not accepting the ring?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/idkbro666 on 2023-10-06 17:55:06.

My girlfriend of 4 months and I were showering together. I told her that she had an aesthetically pleasing vagina - solid 9/10.

She told me that that was a backhanded compliment asked whose vagina would get a 10 if hers did not. I told her that nobody would, I just said 9/10 because she wouldn’t believe me if I said a 10/10 (she’d do that thing where she just said no that’s not true you’re just being nice because you’re my boyfriend). My girlfriend is upset.

What can I say to make her feel better? Am I the asshole here or is she too sensitive?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Original-Guess-6723 on 2023-10-06 18:55:35.

So yesterday was my (20F) brother’s (25M) birthday. I’ll start from the beginning of yesterday. He texted me while i was at work asking if i’d babysit his daughter after his birthday dinner while him and his gf go out and drink. His daughter is 10 months old btw. I said not tonight simply because i had been on my feet working all day and we wouldn’t get done with dinner until late and i wanted to just go home and relax/sleep. I offered to babysit her this weekend instead though. He threw a huge fit about it. Called me childish and selfish and that i should pretty much do whatever he wants since it was his birthday.

Keep in mind, he asks me and my mom if we can babysit her maybe 3-4 times a week atleast. We only say no if we absolutely can’t. I also gave him $50 for his birthday and he got a dinner at cheesecake factory all paid by my parents. And a cake. But called me selfish over being exhausted from working all day and wanting to go home and relax. It didn’t matter to him. Like i said i tried to compromise by offering to watch her this weekend instead.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/LazyMud7819 on 2023-10-06 16:50:09.

She has 2 kids from her previous marriage. She lived in an apartment I own my home. When she moved with me the older boy(14) wanted to stay in that area(We live an hour away from where they lived before) so he decide to move with his father and the courts decided his sister (9) should stay with him. We are currently in an expensive custody battle since thier father is an alcoholic and is mentally abusive. Long story short thats not a healthy environment for them and we have a court case coming up. When we got married I found her lawyer was garbage we fired him and got a better one.

Now when we got married she knew being a stay at home wife wasn't an option. I made it clear that I expected her to continue working and we agreed that was right and fair. She seems to think I am rich she knows what I make we combined incomes and joint accounts and all decisions are made together. Twice now she has said she thinks she is going to look for a new job and just work part time. Twice I have said that wont work for me. Even if we get custody the kids are school age and gone most of the time. There is no reason she shouldnt work. We offered to match what ever the kids have saved when they are 16 and want cars and I treat her kids as if they were my own. We got them into sports and gymnastics etc.

It has really bothered me that twice now she has floated the idea of changing to part time work. Again before we got married we agreed we would both work but now it seems she wants to change this agreement and its starting to make me feel like she married more for my paycheck. I have not said anything yet since I am still figuring out how to approach this. All I have said so far is if she did that there is alot we do now that would have to stop. For example we bought a boat well its a yacht butt barely. We got it dirt cheap because it needed work. This has let us spread the cost over multiple years and we have done the work ourselves. We could not afford to keep it with just me working and the kids wouldnt be able to do sports and stuff as much. Theres alot more but you get the idea.

AITH for expecting her to continue full time work.

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Forsaken-Passage-935 on 2023-10-06 15:38:15.

We've done this for several years. My step-DIL suggested this when their oldest (my step-grandkid) got married. So now has a spouse AND a kid. Problem is, my hubby & I end up buying gifts for EVERYONE in the family, PLUS the two we each draw names for. Also, the step-grandkids still at home are older teens with $$$ tastes. AND we have to get a gift for hubs' other child (who's a trust-fund adult) AND my grown child, spouse & kids. (They don't name draw...and don't expect us to buy them much.) We're getting older and AIN'T RICH. How do I tell my step-DIL I don't want to do the "name-drawing" for gifts??

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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/Numerous_Coffee_2590 on 2023-10-06 15:33:33.

Using throwaway account here

Context:

I'm vegan and from India, my family is vegetarian and there usually will be vegan options when I go out. There is this ingredient called 'ghee' which is clarified butter used in cooking but not used all the time and it's usually added after putting the rest of the food on the plate and not while cooking so it's not usually a problem for me as I can just not add it.

Here's the story:

Recently my parents made me(19F) go to a relative's house for lunch, I didn't really want to go but they forced me to go anyways. When it was time for lunch, I asked if the dishes had any dairy products and that's when one of them told me that all of them had ghee or some other dairy product already added so there was nothing I could eat. I didn't have a problem with this and thought I could just get something on the way back or eat after coming home. I told them I can't eat anything here and that I'm vegan and don't consume dairy products some of them thought I was crazy and made fun of me but I just ignored them. Some of them were pushing me to eat as I would be hungry and to sit with them, I didn't have a problem sitting with them but I didn't want to eat . Some of the older relatives got offended that I wouldn't eat in their house but I explained my position again. One of my relative told me to make an exception this time but I refused. My parents also stepped in and tried to defend me and to not make me eat there. Then my aunt came over with a plate and tried to feed me but I tried to avoid her and she then started scolding me on how I was being rude for not eating and that I have to eat . I calmly repeated that I'm vegan and don't eat dairy products and that I wasn't trying to disrespect them. Here's where I might have been the a-hole-She still tried to shove food in my face and I just lost it and started yelling at her but she wouldn't stop trying to shove food in my face so I pushed the plate on the floor spilling everything. The rest of them were also mad at me for ruining their lunch and being disrespectful. I argued that shoving food in my face isn't exactly 'respectful' they got even more mad.

The visit was cut short and my parents took me home, they said they understood where I was coming from but could have handled it better and that I should apologise for ruining their lunch. I told them that forcing me to eat food I was uncomfortable with wasn't right either.

So AITAH?