this post was submitted on 04 Jan 2025
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I decided to end a relationship and marriage, after being together for 13 years. For the first time in years I put myself first and realised that I needed to be out of the relationship. Coming out of this has been very difficult and I've been struggling with my mental health since.
I started dating again, and have had two horrible experiences where my feelings were just put aside and it really hurt. Both of which ended up with the relationship ending. It's like I'm not allowed to have feelings or struggle. ๐
Similar story here. 21 years and there's a child involved. Even similar 2 instances of dating that involved not being allowed to express my feelings without risking the relationship. So I did and ended both relationships. It would be nice if there was a choice that isn't hard. The only choice we seem to have is which hard we want. Both of which isn't a great ending. I've since given up dating altogether. Resigned to the fact that that part of my life is over. Just being a good and present parent, being nice and helpful to everyone in my life. I don't want to go through life alone but I don't seem to have a choice in that without being a doormat for someone else, which I refuse to do because if I did, I'd be showing my child to put up with never getting what you need from a relationship and that it's normal. I can't do that.
I'm sorry to hear that man. Dating after a long relationship is so hard, but I do hope you come across someone kind who appreciates you for who you are, emotions/feelings and all.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to go through this with a child too, but you sound like a good father.
I fear that I am in a situation that may end the same.
If you're comfortable sharing, was there an epiphany you had that had you bite the bullet and break away?
Honestly, I had been ready to leave for a long time, and I had been caring for them almost 24/7 for years. The main reason I hadn't left was that I was concerned that they'd end their life. There were many reasons why I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore, health aside.
There was an attempt to take their own life and I realised I had no emotion and honestly felt like it would have been easier if they didn't make it. My brother realised something was wrong so came to see me and it all came out. The next day I was trying to just go on like normal but couldn't, something just snapped. She went to stay with her mum and I had time to think and confirm how I felt. This last part was probably the most important, as it was vital to make sure I didn't regret the decision.
My advice would be: be honest, say you need time to think, give yourself the time and space, make sure it's right for you and if so, leave. If they don't give you the chance to think, then I'd say you have your answer. That's much easier said than done however.
Are you also in America, by any chance?
Nope, UK