The Onion

this one is really well written

“Today, a historic wrong has been righted, and the catacomb of the tempestuous Batibat will again be unsealed,” wrote Alito, laying out a scathing repudiation of Pell v. Bangungot, the highly publicized case that originally entombed the grotesque monster’s sulfurous form in a specially made osmium vault. “Contemporaneous accounts provide no evidence the Founding Fathers envisioned a role for the federal government in vanquishing this unholy entity from the face of the earth.”