The Onion

Me and a few guys used to go to nursing homes once a month and play old music for them. Elvis, some old gospel, old country, Bobby Darin, just whatever they wanted. We got to be friends with the residents.

One of the guys told me the story of how his first wife beat him with a frying pan while he was asleep and he ran off to Mexico to get away. He eventually married another woman who had poisoned her first husband because he beat her right after their first kid was born. They were married for 70 years when she died and ended up with 4 kids total.

Apparently that was pretty common at one time. I do not know whether he deserved to be hit with a skillet or not, but if he did he never acted up again because he knows he'd have been killed.