this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2024
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Dutch beach volleyball player Steven van de Velde, who served time in prison after he was convicted of raping a 12-year-old girl, won his second match at the Paris Olympics and received an even harsher reaction from the crowd on Wednesday than for his first match.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago (1 children)

given that he has shown remorse for his actions,

Remorse?

After his release in 2017, van de Velde complained about "all the nonsense" reporting on his crime in the media, claiming that the term pedophile did not apply to him, without expanding further.[1][20] At the same time he stated not yet having read any of the reporting he was criticizing.[21] The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) in Britain condemned his comments at the time, stating that his "lack of remorse and self-pity is breathtaking".[15]

Return to sport

Van de Velde returned to international competition in 2018. He excused himself in an interview, saying about the rapes that occurred when he was 19-years-old, that he: "made that choice in my life when I wasn't ready, I was a teenager still figuring things out. I was sort of lost".[22] He has since described it as "the biggest mistake of [his] life".[23]

The Dutch Volleyball Association allowed him to resume his career as a beach volleyball player. In 2024, he was controversially selected to represent the Netherlands in the 2024 Summer Olympics.[24] However, in order to "establish calm", the Dutch Olympic Committee isolated van de Velde from the rest of the Dutch team, and barred him from talking to media.[25] An online petition calling for his removal from the Olympics had 80,000 supporters.[26]

His "remorse" was over getting caught. He has never offered the slightest bit of apology to the victim.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If he hasn't shown genuine remorse than changes my stance.
Given what I had read on the matter I was under the impression he had shown remorse. Particularly the "biggest mistake of [his] life" remark.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

True remorse would involve an apology to the victim. At least I think most people would think so.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I disagree with that. There’s no need to put the victim on the spot like that. True remorse definitely doesn’t involve rejecting culpability like that though.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

How is making a public apology to the victim putting them on the spot? I would say that a public apology is almost literally the least he could do for her.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It means she has to decide if she’ll listen to it, when and how she’ll be able to process it, and whether she forgives him. All of that in public? Not a chance in hell I’d want my rapist to do that.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Only if people expected her to respond, which they wouldn't. The press would not be clamoring to see if she accepted it. They haven't even named her as far as I know, since she was a minor, so they wouldn't be able to.

Because all of that would be true regardless of whether he apologized in public or in private.

I've never heard anyone take a stance against a public apology before. This is honestly a very strange stance.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

It’s still just hanging there, over her head, even if nobody expects an answer.

I've never heard anyone take a stance against a public apology before. This is honestly a very strange stance.

Weird, most of the people I’ve talked to while witnessing public apologies agree that they’d feel awful to receive. I don’t really talk about it in other scenarios, so I don’t know how common it is.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (2 children)

It’s still just hanging there, over her head, even if nobody expects an answer.

Which would be just as true if he apologized in private.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I absolutely don’t suggest a private apology! He should just leave her the hell alone forever

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

You are against apologizing to someone you've hurt? Really?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago

Thread got removed for me, possibly because I swore, but I don’t think it’s productive for the victim unless they seek it out. It’s too easy to load it with double meaning and use it as an opportunity to hurt them further. The only way to avoid that would be to use boilerplate language that doesn’t mean anything.