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How do you stop feeling the desire to be in a relationship? (lemm.ee)

submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

57 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'm almost 35 and realised is not going to happen. I will never become adult or reliable enough for any woman to take a glance at me. I'll never fall in love or experience sex.

There must be a way to stop this feeling. People say hobbies but honestly I don't like anything or i give up on everything. I don't wanna try new things anymore.

Edit: some of you are really nice. But to those of you who keep insulting just because my post is a downer they I'll just block you. Why don't just ignore my post instead of leaving nasty comments?

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

Hobbies is the answer.

Join a gym, go once a week until you want to go more.

Go to trivia at a bar that does it the same day every week.

Find a local club for an interest you have.

Find things that happen on a schedule that you have to show up for.

The problem you’ve described, in my experience, is that it sounds like you don’t have a life for anyone to join you in.

Nothing comes easy, even hobbies, you have to decide you want to do a thing and then do it on purpose even if you don’t want to do that thing in that moment.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

I am coincidentally also 35, and had similar sentiments following my most "recent" divorce (4 years ago!)

Your comment is bang on mate. The second to last paragraph really hits home but it's something that I really needed to acknowledge and accept if I ever wanted to move on.

Went to a gig recently, was in a mosh pit for the first time in over a decade, and a fucking LOVED every bit of it, bruising and all.
You just gotta find your vibe, and it takes effort, but once you do others will see your vibe and want to jiggle with you (I'm not great at analogies hopefully this makes sense).

[+] [email protected] -8 points 4 months ago (2 children)

And I'll never have one

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Edit:

Hey, let me say first off I’m probably talking to you all wrong. You’re an adult, and I’m in the “talk to my kid” mindset with this. I apologize for being crass. Shit isn’t easy, I agree, I have been where you are and you’re not alone. You aren’t. Don’t lean into the anger and envy and darker tendencies humans have in these scenarios.

Especially when you choose to not have one.

I assure you even at the bottom of my deepest darkest depression, after 2 COVID deaths and suddenly finding myself a single father left alone with my son … I still CHOSE the isolation route.

It wasn’t the depression and everything else choosing, it was me acquiescing to the sweet sad embrace of it. It was cathartic but it was also drowning.

I don’t mean this to minimize, it is crippling and debilitating but it is still our choice. When you’re failing to choose to get up remember the choice is still yours and turn that into power for the next time.

Take a chance. The worst case scenario is you stop doing the thing you weren’t doing already.

Life is absurd, make your own meaning and your own purpose.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Sounds like you want to never have one. That's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You have convinced yourself so hard that this is who you are, that you are making that who you are.

If you don't want to be this person, don't be that person.