ADHD

Vision zone. Where I prefer to be when idle. I can see and hear things fairly vividly, what others might call daydreaming. I mean, it IS daydreaming, except I do it at night too, it's the only way I can relax enough to sleep. I tend to flit between subjects rapidly. Sometimes the endeavor is creative, or planning, stored away for later use - most times, it's simply self-indulgent. Fantasies of making a difference, usually. I'm hard to reach when I'm like this, and if I slip into this when talking, I quickly lose what I'm talking about.

Talk zone. I'm extremely introverted, but very words-oriented. I can have long conversations where the words are not vocalized, even inside my head, but are nonetheless 'present' and engaged in dialogue. When typing up this comment, this is where I am, for example, running over the words in my mind like a printer setting type. I said "a printer setting type" out loud, and briefly flitted up to a more vision-oriented zone, consumed with the image of a printer running his fingers along type that very satisfyingly 'clicks' into place. This is also where I'm most social towards others, though it can very quickly drop down into tension if I don't know them well and/or lack subjects of interest to speak on.

Tension zone. Where I mask. Everything else shuts off. All that remains is hyperawareness of the current situation and a burning desperation to escape it in a way that does not make me feel guilty for shirking responsibilities or hurting the feelings of others who've done nothing with malice, and often acted with kindness. I'm very attentive when my mind is here, so most people consider me polite, amicable, and helpful; in reality, I'm screaming behind my eyes every moment. It's a state of alertness, it's exhausting, and I hate it. There's no overlap or easy transition between here and the other two.