ADHD

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A casual community for people with ADHD

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is ADHD harder to manage with time? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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when i was a child, i had a tendency to extremely hyper fixate on various topics for months, so now that i'm older it just feels like i've experienced everything even though I technically haven't. the fixations are becoming much more quick in terms of cycles / how long they (don't) last and i spend most of my time feeling bored and empty, just rotting away and feeling entertained by nothing. lately this has caused me to get really stuck in the past, so i spend a lot of time just laying in bed crate digging my own memories and feeling kind of depressed because i have nothing new to be excited by or interested in. it does not help that i don't really have any long term goals or ambitions either, i just kind of exist.

does anyone else feel like this?

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I understand completely. I'm over 40, and my normal day is: go to work, come home, smoke weed and hang out with my wife. She needs the TV running at all times, and it's near impossible for me to look away from it when it's on.

Sometimes I think about all the things we could be doing and I feel disappointed in myself, but aside from chores that get put off a little longer than they should, there's not really anything else I want to be doing. I'm depressingly content in my mediocrity. (Does that count as a paradox?)

As someone else said, they feel guilty diving into an obsession, and I agree completely. I think I'd love to jump into Balder's Gate, but my wife has no interest in watching me do that, so I'd feel guilty about not spending that time with her. And yes, I realize that we are allowed to have our own interests, but a game like that could absorb me for a whole night and it would only feel like a moment to me.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I don't want to sound like an ass but its quite likely that much of your experience is caused by weed, especially being content with mediocrity and mild depression. I'm speaking from current experience of how much my perception of things is changing on a t-break.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

No it's cool. Very fair point.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

For real, dude. I was out of the country for about 3 weeks recently and holy fuck you start to really notice the difference about halfway through week 2.

Since getting back, I’ve cut back a good bit, and I’m planning on letting my supply run out and not refilling it for a while, because if it’s in the house I’ll use it in an idle moment after work without even thinking sometimes.

Also, the paradigm shift hits a LOT of things. I’m glad I did it. It’s helped me notice and actually acknowledge several pretty important things in my life - some good, some bad, some both.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Could you say more about this? I am smoking way too much weed but have been struggling to change my habits, especially since I'm unemployed atm

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Frankly, just stop buying, and let your stash run out. That’s a big part of how I cut back on drink, too, and why I’m doing that with my own stash now. It can be particularly difficult for people with adhd to find balance in moderation, in my experience. Simply not having it around, and only partaking when you’re out with friends or whatever has been a very useful tactic for me personally.

At any rate, I know everyone’s different and has their own circumstances that affect the dynamic, but I wish you luck on your journey to find more balance. It’s way harder than most people understand it to be.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago

Gainful employment: check Life partner: check Luxury of free time for tv: check Legal (ish) herb access: check

My friend, that all sounds lovely to me. Don't fall trap to societal (and especially capitalistic) definitions of achievement and mediocrity that demand a constant stream of more more more. It's ok to be content and enjoy the simple pleasures in life.

That being said, if you're unhappy, get after it. You mention wanting to play Baldurs Gate but feeling guilty about lack of partner time and fear of getting sucked into it for hours: what if you both dedicate a personal hobby night once a week where you can both do whatever and get lost in your own worlds separately without guilt? My partner and I recently started doing this on Fridays and it's been a game changer.