Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either [email protected] or [email protected].
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email [email protected]. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
view the rest of the comments
Define bully more clearly. What adults do tends to be more indirect than kids.
As kids, bullies are pretty direct, so standing up to them is effective, at a minimum for building your own strength for standing up to things. (In a way, bullying is just the extreme form of how we tease each other growing up, which gives us opportunity to practice dealing with conflict).
Kid bullies expect other kids to just give in. By not doing so, you've changed the "frame" of the interaction.
As adults, dealing with assholes requires this same skill: reframing the situation in a way the aggressor doesn't expect (or maybe comprehend).
Big guys who happen to have good character know they intimidate people just by being there, so have learned to put people at ease though body language and personality. Having worked with and for some of these guys, I've learned a LOT from them about controlling or influencing the frame in a given group or interaction. They know they can simply smack down an aggressor, but would prefer not to, as it doesn't look good and is a hassle for them so is considered a last-attempt option. Which gives them all the mental leeway to just fuck with people who are being stupid.
I've watched these kinds of guys redirect all sorts of craziness, from aggressive drunks on the street (became their buddy), to coaxing Directors or VP's to do things their way...as a Senior Manager. Watching aggravated people laugh within minutes of engaging with someone like this is astounding.
Befriend a big guy who's like this - what you can learn is invaluable.