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"Thought-Terminating Cliches" (lemmy.world)

submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 6 months ago (1 children)

It is a way end discussion by commiserating. Voicing shared helplessness out loud.

Do any discussions about changing things continue after both parties agree that "it is what it is"?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

I do use it as a thought terminating statement usually when friends have asked me to help. I ask for them to tell me what has happened and then I suggest a forward plan of action. It is very common for people at this point to feel guilty about having to ask for help and also to go down a spiral of putting all the blame on themselves. Neither of these things are useful as I need their active help and participation in putting the problem right and that's where their energy needs to be focussed.

So it this point I will very often say to them something like, "Well, it is what it is and we are where we are and there's no sense in blaming yourself, let's see what we can do about getting into a better position."

I did encounter a proper thought terminating cliche in the form of, "I hear what you're saying..." from bosses in various places. Means "I hear what you're saying but I couldn't give less of a shit about it even if I were prepared to put in the slightest effort, which I am not."