this post was submitted on 10 May 2024
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How To Confound A Centaur

Centaur: Hold it right there, you can't just ride through my fields uncontested! I'll lose my credibility if we don't battle or something.

Me: That's fair. How about we–

Centaur: And it can't be a pun battle, I heard what you did to the sphinx.

Me: Darn. Okay, what if I beat you in a horse race?

Centaur: Ha! Alright, your funeral. Where's the finish line?

Me: That tree over there. Where's your horse?

Centaur: (gestures at horsey backside) Um...?

Me: You're not a horse, this is a HORSE race. You have to race with an actual horse.

Centaur: You want me... a centaur... to RIDE a regular horse.

Me: That is, linguistically-speaking, what you agreed to.

Centaur: ...

Me: ...

Centaur: I hate you.

Me: That's fair.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 6 months ago (4 children)

And if the answer to that is yes...is it more or less gross than if the centaur borked a human?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Way less gross. Human and centaur are both intelligent, can communicate, and give consent, so it would be fine. With a horse (which has none of these things) the centaur would be committing bestiality.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

Well, in many games there is a Speak With Animals spells or equivalent. They are capable of communication, we just usually can't understand.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 months ago

Apply the Harkness test (self aware intelligence, physical maturity, and ability to communicate consent). Both humans and centaurs pass assuming the individual is a willing adult, horses fail twice due to being nonsapient and uncommunicative.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 6 months ago (2 children)

From the human perpective, probably the horse is a little bit less gross. From the centaur perpective, probably the human is less gross, but I’m only half centaur, so can’t speak for all of them.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago (2 children)

The hooves must make it difficult for you to type.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

Neigh, it’s the other half.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I'm only half centaur

does that mean you are 3/4 human and 1/4 horse?

Or 1/4 human, 3/4 horse?

Or 1/4 human, 1/4 horse and 1/2 something else?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Only their upper half is centaur - the lower half is human.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago (1 children)

It depends how it flops.

Does it flop at the first set of legs, or the second?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Human part tends to end around the navel so... Second.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

I can't type what I'm thinking

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Would a centaur have two navels?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

They definitely have two ribcages. That might imply two hearts and multiples of other organs.