Asklemmy

That's more meant my gender and how I express it. I've done drag in the past, mainly for things like Rocky Horror, and it felt really comfortable. I always let it set to the side, there were other things going on and what I felt was probably just the magic of the stage. But its ate at me, quietly, rarely feeling comfortable in my own skin.

Over about the last two years I've went on a fairly deep dive into myself. Started with talking to my partner, telling them about what I was feeling, what pronouns I felt fit, and we went from there. I've bought dresses, skirts, feminine tops. Dived more into taking care of my skin, my hair, my nails. Things that, while I never would disparage another for, felt like lines I couldn't cross due to my perception of what it meant for me to be a man.

I've found that I love these things, alongside more typical "masculine" stuff, and as I've accepted that I love these things, that they are a part of me, I've realized they've always been there. That they have always been a part of this want to feel like my true, healthy self, just below the surface. That there's more underneath, I just need to let myself reach down to it.

But where I am right now, it's people online, my spouse, and a few close friends who know. It's not safe for me, in multiple ways, to really get to step outside, interact with the world with my true face. I want to know what that feels like. To know what it feels like to tell someone new "You can call me Rose". To see what new things come to the surface when I can fully embrace who I am, outside and in.