Ask Lemmy

This has been bothering me for like 10 years and it has to come out now even though it’s only kind of relevant to the topic.

Spoilers for Face/Off if you haven’t seen it go watch it it’s amazing.

Okay, so Face/Off has the craziest ending to a movie ever. And you’re thinking to yourself “What that the good guy wins in the end and everyone is happy? That’s not unexpected.” But you have to look at the finer details.

After Sean Archer is back in John Travolta’s body at the end and he’s like “I don’t need this bullet scar anymore, it’s cool, I’ve healed.” He goes back to see his family. He walks in the door and his wife and daughter are like “Yay you’re our dad and not some crazy person again yay!”. The following things that happen need to be broken down individually for it to fully be understood how insane it is what happens:

• What is with the weird run your hand down the face thing they do? It’s so bizarre and it’s never explained. His daughter is like “Sorry I shot you…” and he just runs his hand down her face like a weirdo. Why.

• Archer goes “There’s something I have to ask both of you…” and the just brings in some random kid they’ve never seen and is like “he needs a place to live” WHAT?!?! This kid was in a shoot out in a drug den like a week ago. He was raised in a terrible environment. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve to be placed in a normal family or anything, but the kid needs like all the therapy. He’s going to have emotional problems. Are you really ready to deal with all that Archer? Really? Your family just went through a crazy thing and you’re like “Here is a huge responsibility we need to take on now.”

• The daughter says “My name is Jamie” and the DOES THE WEIRD FACE HAND THING! Why do they do that? It’s so weird. Is she like assimilating him into their collective. And he, completely unphased by the hand thing in a show of immense self control, is just says “My name is Adam.”

• Then Archer says “Show Adam to his new room.” And the daughter and Adam run off and then the most insane thing I’ve ever seen in a move happens. Archer looks at his wife and is like “….Okay?” and she goes “nod nod….okay…” and they kiss. End of movie.

To that last point…WHAT?!?!!?!? Am I taking crazy pills or something? This dude just decides that they’re raising a kid WITHOUT ASKING HIS WIFE FIRST!?!?! If I brought home a dog without discussing it with my wife first, she would be pretty pissed but a WHOLE DAMN KID?!?! A kid, who as mentioned, is going to need intense therapy and extra support? A kid who, it would seem, is there only to replace your other kid who died which is whole ‘nother kind of fucked up (see the life of Salvidor Dali).

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TedTalk.