this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2024
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Dealing with an oppositional toddler doesn't mean you're a dismissive parent. You can be as in tune as possible with your child's emotions, and they'll still have plenty of moments where they'll scream at you and refuse to do something just because you asked them to do it.
Learning how to convince them to do something in a way that they're amenable to is practically the opposite of being dismissive. You're not minimizing how they feel, you're just working towards a goal in a way that suits both people. Being a dismissive parent would be continuing to go down the same paths that lead to fighting, because clearly you don't care about how your child feels about it.
Many years, ago, early morning routine. I needed to go to work, so I just just told my then 3 1/2y old daughter she couldn't go to kindergarden right now, we go a little later.
Stamping her foot, "Nooooooo, I want to go now"
"Ok, if you insist...."
(That was in the "learning to say no" phase when she said "no" to everything for a time)
I agree. But it all depends on how you do that.
The key is not trying to trick them. Acknowledging their feelings as valid, helping them identify what they are feeling, and help them soothe.
A dismissive parent doesn't have to ignore a child. Just dismiss that child's emotions as irrational or not helpful. They might use distractions or tricks which may limit the ability to do the above.
At the end of the day, tricking a child is not a good parenting style even though it can be cute and even funny.
Substitute "convince by indirect and non-confrontational means" for "trick", and you're saying the same thing as the original post. Makes for a shit joke though.
That's fair, and I think that a lot of the disagreement we have is about the definition of the word "trick". Having a verbally delayed kid meant we had to "trick" them into doing things by finding the right set of words that got them to understand what was needed and didn't trigger a massive screaming fit where even merely acknowledging them set them off even more.
Your advice is probably spot on for neurotypical kids though. Things get easier as the words come, and it makes it easier to explain to them the 'why' behind the things we do, but it still feels like I have to find the magic incantation that unlocks the behavior I want instead of getting screamed at and playing 20 questions to find out the actual issue.
True. I was trying to use the context in the meme to define "trick" as using deception or distraction.
It still takes a lot of extra time and patience even with neurotypical children. I have to schedule this time in case I need it when bringing my toddler to time slotted appointments. There is an authoritative element that is required as well to try to keep that time boxed and keep limits set while still acknowledging that their experience is valid. It's not easy at all, but I wouldn't equate it to dealing with a malevolent entity...maybe I'm just reading too much into a meme.