this post was submitted on 25 Mar 2024
81 points (94.5% liked)
Asklemmy
43893 readers
741 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- [email protected]: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Weigh why you are eschewing a particular societal norm against the isolation it will cause.
I dropped off FB and Insta. I knew that will cost me some amount of social outlets and I accepted that. I don't particularly like texting, but dropping that would cause a level of isolation I don't want to accept, so I don't drop texting.
Assuming societal norms should be tossed out by default is as ridiculous as embracing them without thought simply because they are norms.
That's a tough situation. I guess I would just advise trying to find other groups who will accept you for who you are. You're not alone, but you might have to work much harder to seek out people who are able to understand what you're going through.
Lemmy is a good substitute sometimes but you really need IRL support as well.
If you can afford to, move somewhere more tolerant
One thing to take a moment on is double checking if you really are being isolated or if you're just perceiving what you expect to see. The one person I've known closely who has some gender uncertainty/questions had some pre-determined expectations of what would happen, and as a result saw them validated at every turn regardless of the intent.
It's possible that what you see is truly non-acceptance, but take a step back to be sure it's not just a bit colored by your own expectations of others response.
The mere act of understanding the reasons that make loneliness worth a course of action precludes rejecting societal norms out of hand or following them uncritically. So, I think you're good.
I donβt really have any advice for your question, but I want to applaud you for having the kind of strength needed to be who you are.
Perhaps, not the most pleasant thought, they were never really your friends if they cannot accept who you are insideβwhich has no impact on them or anyone else but you.
There are some really nice people on FB and Insta. People who never had the time nor reason to realise that they're being advertised and exploited. People who will never join the Fediverse because they're happy with what they get from their current social.
If you're a single person, looking to meet new interesting people, you've just shut out 90% of the world.
I don't necessarily place high value on access to that 90% of the world. It's online access only. I have plenty of avenues elsewhere online and in real life to find people. And not sure what being single/not single has to do with it. I'm not pan, so it's far from 90% of the world that I'm attracted to physically let alone emotionally and intellectually. Quality over quantity.
That's the thing -- it's not online access only. More and more people are finding each other online and forming lasting relationships from it.
I currently live in a country where dating is extremely hard, especially so for the foreigners. Finding my people here just doesn't happen. Oh sure there are meetup groups, but that's a handful of people. Using a simple app like FB to find english-speaking people in your area who have a common interest? An extremely useful tool.
That makes sense, FB is still fairly popular with younger people in foreign countries I guess.
In the US, pretty much nobody below 40 is going to be actively socializing on FB.
So your equation for pros/cons of staying on FB versus pros/cons of leaving is different than mine and both of us very likely weigh FB differently than OP would. Great for you if you find value in staying on FB. Understand that not everyone wants to find dates on FB, nor that FB is even an equally good platform for finding dates everywhere in the world.
You don't need to tell me I'm missing out on potential dates by leaving FB. Just stay there yourself and be happy, my friend.
well that's the sad thing - I don't use nor have I really ever. The most social I ever did was 15 years of reddit.
But I watch friends and colleagues, go out on dates with like-minded people, or find great deals on furniture, and I can't help but think "huh."
My main point is, it's a horrible app/platform, but it has incredible utility by way of reach.