Am I the Asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Serious_Taro_3623 on 2024-10-13 15:08:35.

A few days ago, I was kicked out of my apartment because I couldn’t pay the rent. My eldest daughter let me stay at her place until I figure things out.

I will say she is the greatest kid ever. I lacked an awful lot as a dad. I had addiction issues. They eventually led to my divorce. I was high , made a mistake, and cheated. I regret so much and begged for my (ex) wife’s forgiveness, but she didn’t take me back. Even after the divorce, it took me years to come fully clean.

My daughter has two kids, one of her own (8F) and the other one is her husband’s. Her stepchild (6M) stays with them on weekends, and yesterday he came to visit his dad. He relies on sign language for communication, his dad, my daughter, and my granddaughter all know it as well. I don’t. My daughter told me that now that I live here with them, I should also learn it. But I am staying with them only for a temporary time. My daughter says I can stay here as long as I want, but I don’t want to be a burden to them. I have to figure things out and, in other words, I don’t have time to learn an entire new language.

When I told my daughter that, she started crying and told me I don’t care about her kids, just like I didn’t care about her growing up. Hearing this hurt me so bad. I hugged her and told her there hasn’t been a single day I didn’t care about her. The same goes for my granddaughter. She is my little precious baby and I would do anything for her.

She said you say that, but you won’t even learn ASL for Nate. I told her it’s not because I don’t want to, but like I said, I just don’t have time for that now. I know I’m welcomed here and I appreciate that but I have to figure things out and get out as soon as possible.

She asked me why I haven’t learned it before and if I don’t like my grandson. I was taken aback by that. Look guys, I think he’s an adorable kiddo, but my daughter has been married for only two years, and like I said the kid doesn’t live with them most of the time. Truth be told, I don’t see him as my grandson, and I was surprised my daughter referred to him as such.

I didn’t know what to say to her and said that’s not the case. Of course I like him, but again, I just don’t have time. My daughter interrupted me saying she doesn’t want to hear it anymore and left.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/One-Badger-3793 on 2024-10-13 09:13:03.

For a little context before i go into why I don't let him use my bathroom; My bathroom is technically the family bathroom however typically its just me my mom and my fiancé living at my mamas house (me and my fiancé are young parents and dont have the financial means currently to have our own apartment but my mom doesn't mind as Im her youngest and she wants me to stay as long as I need to, atleast for a year until our baby is a little older) My bathroom is in the hallway of our house and my mamas room has its own bathroom, as most master bedrooms in a two story house do.

Edit for Clarification before the story; My mama asked us to stay with her for atleast a year after our baby was born so that we can get settled and figure out (more of me figure out as my fiance had a baby sister he basically raised from birth) how to parent and navigate life with this new major change as well as us being as young as we are along with NO this was not a planned pregnancy

Heres where the issues start, My babys nursery is my old bedroom and also my stepdads old office, he insists on sleeping in my babys nursery which currently isnt an issue as my baby is in the ICC however I do not want him sleeping in there when my baby comes home, he has argued with me that 'someone should sleep with the baby' I truly dont understand why he doesn't sleep with my mom as she even bought a bigger bed to fit her him and the two pups, he claims that my baby's nursery is where anyone whos sick should sleep to not get my mama sick, that also doesn't make sense to me, why expose a baby to sickness willingly? He regularly uses my bathroom which I wouldnt have an issue with however, despite being 60, he pees on the floor REGULARLY, Ive never had that issue with my bio-dad or my fiancé (both male) I tried setting a boundary with him 4 YEARS ago not to use my bathroom as he regularly trashes it and I have very bad sensory issues and tend to be quite germaphobic, I find it incredibly disrespectful that he can even clean up after himself and also that he disrespects my mama like this because she went out of her way to make things easier for all of us with him being home, hes usually on deployment (not military) so its not an issue typically but every time he comes home he "forgets" my boundaries and trashes my bathroom which leads to a breakdown for me as Im the one who has to clean his mess :(

So AITA for not letting him use my bathroom?

Small Edit: This all came to a head when I came home from the hospital after giving birth and there was pee all over my floor and hair everywhere, not mine as I cleaned before I was admitted, so I went from a very clean place (the hospital) and came home to a mess when I know I didnt leave it that way. Along with, not sure if this is relevant or not, he HATES my fiancé for some odd reason, theyve hardly interacted as my stepdads never typically here, but hes been giving us both dirty looks since coming home and it makes me feel unwelcomed in my mamas house where I've lived since I was 6 years old

A little more context: The only reason I could think he dislikes my fiancé so much is because my fiancé very politely honestly asked him to stop doing something during an OB appointment that we invited him to (per my mamas request) during the entire appointment my stepdad was acting like a child along with trying to tell the doctors they didnt know what they were talking about because "I went to medical school" hes literally a history major, he then went to my mama saying "no kid should yell at me like that" My fiancé never raised his voice, there wasnt aggression or malice in his tone he just politely asked him to stop.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Trick_Maintenance564 on 2024-10-13 08:34:37.

Myself and my girlfriend have been together for 9 months and I couldn’t be happier. Around 5 months into our relationship my close female friend (let’s call her Sophie) surprised me with a holiday trip to Iceland, mainly to see the northern lights. That fell on my girlfriend’s birthday. Sophie has been my friend for around 5 years and also fully paid for my accommodation and flights. I will miss my girlfriend’s first birthday together. For context me and Sophie got drunk and shared a kiss when we first became friends, it was nothing and did not feel right. My girlfriend is aware of this. I can tell that she is not happy about it but she isn’t the type of person to stop me from going? I suggested changing the dates to Sophie but it will be expensive. I invited my GF but she was not up for it. Any thoughts?

EDIT: feel I worded it abit wrong - we fly back on her actual birthday (Monday) so can spend the night with her. If she wants. But will be away from the Thursday so am missing the weekend prior and morning/afternoon of? Does this change anything? Also I told my girlfriend the second I found out. The trip was just sprung onto me, we have spoke about going to island in the past but I was just sent the booking confirmation randomly one day. This hasn’t happened yet. The holiday and her birthday are a few weeks away.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Wild_Asparagus_7038 on 2024-10-13 07:56:56.

My(17m) sister (14f) says that if she doesn’t take Advil like right when her period starts her cramps get really bad and she’s always whining about them even after Advil.

My parents had to do things this morning so it was just me and my sister and I had closed last night at work and I was going to open today morning at around like 10:30 so I had to leave the house at 10-10:10, and she asked me at like 8:30 to go get her Advil. I asked why and she said she ran out and by the time our parents would have gotten home from where they were even if they like left right now’, it would be too late. I said too bad I’m trying to relax. She said please and said something about how she didn’t want to suffer all day. I told her that I didn’t care and that Advil was like 20 fucking dollars and that she should have just planned better. She left upset and when i got home from work my parents were all mad calling me a horrible brother or something saying I MADE(?) her suffer and since i paid for my car and I pay gas they said they were gonna stop paying insurance since I wasn’t using my car for “good reasons” and kept ranting about something and I just ignored them, yet now im starting to think maybe I should have just got the Advil.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Karasu_08 on 2024-10-13 05:26:09.

Title glitched, it’s AITA for getting pissed off and then telling off my girlfriend just because of an NSYNC song

For context, I (23F) have a girlfriend (20F) that is a fan of multiple genres of music. A few months ago Deadpool and Wolverine came around theaters and it featured a song from NSYNC which most of you probably can guess already, BYE BYE BYE. It instantly became an earworm for me to the point that I can’t stop singing it from the first week of hearing it to atleast two weeks. Majority of you know the iconic song title part of the song wherein there sing “Bye Bye Bye” with the extra “Bye Bye” in the background. Whenever I sing, I always sing the background voices because it’s fun for me and also because sometimes I feel like the song is incomplete when I sing without the background lines.

My girlfriend however, is very weirded out by it. Trust me when I say that she’s very caring, very kind and considerate and etc. Basically what you’d want in a partner and we’ve been together for more than 5 years. The only catch is that she gets weirded out whenever I sing the background lines. The first time she pointed it out to me I explained to her how I felt about singing like what I said above. I didn’t pay no mind much since she might just be pointing it out. The next time it happened however, she once again laughed and pointed it out how weird it was. I got a bit upset because I’ve been bullied before when I was still in highschool for being “weird” and explained to her that’s just how I sing.

Long story short, everytime I sing the song BYE BYE BYE and I add the extra “Bye Bye” at the end, she chuckles and keeps mentioning it’s weird. One day I just told her off how hearing her say it’s weird multiple times throughout the week just icked me to the point of frustration. She got upset as well and told me how she found it weird because she never heard anyone sing it like how I do. After telling her how I felt and how upset I got, I just kept silent about the song.

Cut to the present, the song played on my spotify radio and she asked me to sing it, probably remembering what I told her, and I just don’t feel comfortable singing it whenever she’s in proximity.

Was I an asshole for telling her off? I might just be overreacting but I don’t really know.

EDIT: a lot of people might get confused. No I did not tell her off for the first two comments because I just thought she was poking fun, I only got bothered AFTER she repeatedly called me weird over the week. No I don’t have problems in our relationship

Yes I love her very much and I would do ANYTHING for this woman

To the people saying I shouldn’t be trauma dumping at my partner just because I was bullied back in highschool, no I was not trauma dumping. i was merely making a reference as to why I felt uncomfortable getting called weird repetitively.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/TemporaryBitter7091 on 2024-10-13 05:08:12.

To give some background: a week ago, I discovered I had an obligation that would cut into my class time. Not wanting to create an issue with my professor, I decided to address it with her before class. However, she showed up exactly at the start time right when class was supposed to begin.

I quickly tried to bring up my situation, but she cut me off, wanting to start the lecture. I don’t recall her exact words, but her tone suggested she wasn’t interested in having a conversation. I wasn’t upset that she wanted to begin class, but the way she dismissed me left a bad taste in my mouth. (Mind you she never indicated that I shouldn't approach her before class).

Wanting to respect my classmates' time, I decided to wait and ask her after class instead. I explained my situation and asked if it was okay for me to leave early for my obligation. She told me to do what I needed to do and assured me she wouldn’t take it personally. I'm thinking great.

So, the next week I need to leave early for my obligation, and I just wanted to let her know and ask about the discussion we would have during class which is for a grade ,and when she would be starting it (since sometimes she starts them late and as a result we don't get to finish them, so I was worried I wouldn't be able to get my participation grade. Which the class is heavy on)

Mind you, she arrived about two minutes before class officially started, so I thought it wouldn’t be an issue to talk briefly before class. However, when I tried to start the conversation, she cut me off again, saying I didn’t need to inform her about leaving early (literally before I could even get my question out  -_-). Which left a horrible taste in my mouth

Later, I checked Blackboard and saw this crazy message from her:

"Hi OP, 

I hope this email finds you well. Please be advised that it is out of order and inappropriate to approach a professor before lecture in a college class! This is 100% a problem. Please don't do it again. It is appropriate to see a professor after class or during office hours. It is considered rude and adversarial to interrupt a professor right before lecture. I appreciate that you are a high school student and may not be aware of this norm. I attempted to communicate this to you twice, but it appears we are not yet on the same page, so I am sending you this explicit note to clarify the standard protocol observed in college courses. Please feel free to meet with me during office hours if you have any questions or concerns. Thank you for observing the normal standards for conduct in our college classroom."

Now I’m trying to figure out if I’m in the wrong here. I've never had a professor express issues with communication before class (in a way that, if someone read this without context, they'd think I'm some crazy villain), especially in brief conversations. Both times she cut me off, the issue seemed more about timing and subject than speaking to her before class.

So AITA? Please read my other comments for more clarification.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/PrideAffectionate385 on 2024-10-13 04:16:17.

I (20F) am at a concert with a friend (19F). We both drove here together in her car. I’m feeling honestly quite awful right now. I have strep, going through a break up & some serious family shit, and I’ve found myself getting incredibly irritable as the night progresses. We got here at 7:30 and it’s now 9:15 and the main act hasn’t gone on but I really really want to leave.

I feel incredibly awful about leaving her alone but she is a bit of a character and can be a bit much. Tonight she’s a bit overwhelming to be with on top everything going on

edit to add: “and it’s harder than I thought to thug it out the way I planned”

I was super psyched about this concert but right now I am definitely killing both my own vibe and hers. I worry that staying will harm our friendship and honestly make me feel much worse. I already split the parking with her and she can drive herself home so WIBTA for leaving early to take care of myself?

TLDR: at concert with overwhelming friend. I’m sick with strep and not feeling great and want to leave early

Update: thanks for the advice guys. I usually get extremely anxious letting people down, working through it in therapy lmao. I know it’s best to look out for myself but after the antibiotics and a few meds I was feeling better and then obviously that changed. I really thought getting out there and going to a concert would change my mood and lift me up from all the shitty things going on but alas. We make mistakes and we move on.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/PurposeDisastrous486 on 2024-10-13 03:18:51.

(Sorry about any grammar or spelling mistakes, I'm not good at English)

I, 16F, am a lesbian and in a poly relationship with 2 other women, and this week I’m visiting my nan for her birthday.

During a conversation about dating (I wasn’t present for this, I was later told by my cousin) my sister (19 F), told her I was dating two girls.

My nan came up to me later and started talking about how I was confused and even offered to set me up with some boys to help me ‘understand’ how to live life. I got upset and walked away, my cousin (22 M) told me what happened later and asked if I was alright because our Nan had started telling people I was really confused.

I got even more upset, and I feel I might be TA here but I told her that my older sister was currently dating a girl as well, while my sister was present, she got upset with me and called my a ‘snitching bitch’ and walked away.

My mum told me I was out of line for telling Nan about my sisters relationship even though she told her about mine

So, AITAH?

UPDATE: I know I only put up this post a few hours ago, but one of my gf's saw it and we had a talk. I get it now, I was the AH for outing my sister, even though she outed me first.

Also to the people saying I can't be poly, I am. Me and two other people are in a loving relationship, get over it.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Bella718 on 2024-10-13 02:13:48.

Okay so I am a female 17 will be turning 18 before Christmas. My mum and dad have been separated my whole life my mums always been kinda manipulative and makes me feel bad whenever I do something that won’t benefit her in some way my dad on the other hand has always told me to do what I think is best for me and no one else. I’ve spent the past couple years at my grandparents house for Christmas so I don’t have to go to my mums for Christmas but this year I’m going with my dad to his side of the family who I’m closer too and my mum thinks I’m going to her house with her new family who I haven’t met before. For some background I have 2 older sisters and 3 younger brother 2 of them have passed away though my little brother lives with his dad and my older sisters live with their partners i live with my dad. I’ve never been the favourite but I’ve always been the back up like when my sister and mum are fighting mum comes to me, I hate this but what I hate even more is that I’m too scared to tell her not to do it. My mum knows I’m going with dad for Christmas but she’s pretending she doesn’t so she can make me feel bad for not spending Christmas with her. I don’t wanna spend Christmas with my mum because whenever I’m with her for too long I get really sick and depressed and all she does it make fun of me, my weight,body hair, my stutter anything she knows will hurt me she makes fun of, I also don’t wanna go to her house for Christmas because I don’t know her new family. She yeah am I the asshole for not wanting to spend Christmas with my mum

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Muted-Significance67 on 2024-10-13 00:59:30.

AITA if I give up on getting my kid to stop banging his toys?

I (38F) have a 20 month old son. He's the sweetest baby and loves to play. Unfortunately we live in a 2nd story apartment and while he loves to play he's started banging his toys on any surface he can. I am working to teach him that banging isn't the way we play.

The problem is my downstairs neighbors. They moved in 3 months ago. I introduced myself about 1.5 months ago and apologized for the noise and any additional stomping. I explained I am actively teaching him and they seemed to be understanding and nice about it. Things were good for like a week. After that week they started hitting the walls anytime he made noise.

As soon as I see my kid banging or throwing his toys, I immediately get him to stop but he's a kid. He'll quit for a minute then do it again. I mean it's a process and I wish I could move but can't afford to right now. I'm doing all I can, even sitting with him and playing on the bed or going out to the park after I finish work. Even though I'm watching my kid like a hawk they keep hitting the walls. Even if it's innocent and he trips and falls, or drops his cup, or just anything they bang on the walls. I'm at my wits end. I haven't called the leasing office because I don't want to be that person.

It just seems no matter what I do, they keep hitting the walls. I'm at the point where I just want to give up trying. I know that's terrible and I’m trying to be a good neighbor but honestly when they do stuff like that it makes me feel like a terrible person. AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Otherwise-General31 on 2024-10-12 23:40:18.

So I do not want to be a bridesmaid for my older sister. For many reasons:

1. I have already been her bridesmaid before at her first wedding almost 3 years ago. It wasn't the best relationship nor was the best person in my eyes.

The longest relationship she had was 2 years with a dude named.... Brant. So she dated Brant then cheated on him with his friend called Ashton. They had this affairs for a few months before he found out and then broke it off. She kicked out Brant and moved Ashton in with a week. I told her maybe to use this time to keep Ashton at a distance, find herself and have him as a roommate or find a smaller apartment as her lease was almost up, and realize that she doesn't NEED a man to survive but have a partner because she loves them. Destination wedding gone wrong. Two days before the wedding I had over heard him and her yelling and she said verbatim "I don't want to marry you".

2. I was not asked. She expected it and just dropped it in a conversation. I have asked my younger brothers (20 and 21) if they don't mind being I'm MY wedding party. I had planned my sister and brother (27) to not be in it.

3. She has stolen my own wedding ideas. To be honest this is the most reason why I don't want to. One of the ideas was my and my gfs Wedding March. It's an opening to a game that my gf and I have bonded over (it was what started our friendship) and are planing to incorporate in our wedding along with another franchise that usually goes hand in hand (congratulations to those that figure it out 👏). I had planned it as mine when I was 16 and then told her to her when I was 18, and then again, during her talks about her own wedding (long before the first). We would talk about it together and I guess she decided to use it. Without talking to me.

The theme of her wedding was elvin LOTR style but on the beach. I didn't know until it started to play (badly mind you) on her wedding. I had glanced at my gf at the time and say her livid. It was a special song to me and it's a VERY special song to her. Afterwards my gf pulled me aside and said she was going to do it better while I didn't want to use it at all as I felt it was disrespectful if I did. Then, I get a call from my sister telling me her idea for her wedding and also that I was in her wedding party.

My idea for my wedding was wedding with our esthetic then, at the reception, it could be a cosplay party. My gf and I have planned this for 3 years. In this talk she said she was going to have a cosplay reception. But renaissance style. When I asked where she got the idea she said I had said I was going to do it and thought it was a good idea.

I am livid. I don't want to be a bridesmaid. Especially after the last hellfire the last one was. So reddit would I be the AH?

Edit: Weddings are important. I shouldn't be bringing my feelings into such a special occasion

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Miahkoco332 on 2024-10-12 22:47:18.

Me (13 female) and my mom (43 female) Live together alone. I am in a high demanding school with high school fairs and semester finales going on so I'm exhausted most of the week. My mom drinks at THE LEAST once a week.

To the situation. My mom's super hungover because she drunk two jars of moonshine. and I said I was disappointed and she told me to shut up because I was p*ssing her off and she keeps saying she's sick. (She got up multiple times to eat and do other things) when she was intoxicated the night before she was falling on the floor passing out and left the gas burner on with oil spilled she threw up all over to I had to. Clean and turn the stove off while shaking because if I had fallen asleep anything could have happened. She's lucky she didn't get alcohol poisoning

I didn't get her ice water because it's her fault completely. she started saying "f you your so annoying you dumb*ss you know what f you I'm sick stupid *ss." And calling me ulgy multiple times over I just stopped talking, I felt like crying but didn't because I'm tired of crying over insults. I ended up just getting her ice water and now she's stomping around giving me dirty looks I feel like I'm the mother and now I'm extremely anxious because yelling and drinking scares me. AITA?

(Btw sorry for any improper things this is my first post since I have no one to talk to)

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Siren_Terror on 2024-10-12 21:49:39.

My father and step mom have apparently discussed moving very far away. 5hr Plane ride, 3 day drive for idea. My bio mom abandoned me and my siblings at a young age as is. All we had/have is our dad and we dont get along with step mom well as she's treated me more so than my other siblings as pure trash over the years (she has her own kids). There's been a lot of trauma done to me from that relationship until I left at a very young age to get away from her.

My grandmother told me recently he has discussed moving when he retires which initially few years back this topic was brought up and he said no way he could leave us and his grandkids behind (i have 3 kids, 11, 5 and 5m). But now suddenly it's a thing that's happening that I haven't heard from him directly, just the step mom and my grandma.

My grandma is a little taken back as well, as our family has always been tight knitted. So to have my dad suddenly gone is just a lot, especially when I have kids who love and adore him putting myself aside. Now because my mom left when we were so young, the thought of my dad going despite me being grown, it's very overwhelming and depressing. They're moving somewhere i don't even enjoy being so the thought of going is not appealing to me as a vacation, aside from seeing him.

I can't grasp the thought of being okay with leaving us al behind because his friends are there and step moms family is, when we are all here and definitely do not have finances to be travelling to visit even if I wanted to. I couldnt see myself leaving my kids for any reason, my aunt and uncle have a house in this area they go to every summer because they love it there but couldn't leave their kids. My grandma would love to go there to retire but said the same, she couldn't leave us all here either. So how can they because their friends have moved there? And her family always has been, what about us? Like I said, we all have been super close. She's never been that close with hers because they live so far, so i don't get why all of a sudden it makes sense to tear away from us and go there.

It is beyond depressing to think about, to me it feels like abandonment by my dad now. Am I just being a selfish ass? Should my emotions and feelings be left unsaid? (Telling him not to moce because it feels like he's chosen to leave me and my sibling/grandkids behind like we dont matter/like my mom abandoned me and my sibling)

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/ComfortableNo8196 on 2024-10-12 21:47:54.

My husband and I usually go hiking with his friends on weekends when the weather is nice. Last weekend we went hiking on a new trail and came across a small lake after a few hours of hiking. This trail was a loop so we were maybe a mile or two from our car. One of his friends suggests we take a break and hop in the water. Everyone agrees.

The two friends shed their shirt and shorts and jump in. As I'm getting ready to take my shirt off my husband stops me and says I gotta just sit on the side because it would be inappropriate for me to go in. I tell him that is ridiculous. He says he doesn't want his friends seeing me nude.

I tell him to stop being ridiculous and quickly strip down and hop in. He comes in shortly after but hardly says anything and I can tell he's upset. We swim for maybe 30 min. Dry off get dressed and go eat. And now he's being all "I can't believe you did that" and "You gave my friends a show". It's been a few days now and he's wanting me to apologize. But, I think he should be the one to apologize. It was a quick brief moment they saw my complete body and no one cares. They were very mature, it was not even acknowledged verbally.

Was I the asshole here? I just wanted to swim with everyone else. I'm in Cali. We have nude beaches (I've never been) and hot springs where people are generally nude or topless (I've been prior to my husband). Additionally, in the past I've done skinny dipping with friends, both male and female. So I didn't think it was a "big deal". He was actually in a similar situation where he was with swimming with a female topless and I did not care at all.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Free_Wallaby762 on 2024-10-12 20:23:18.

I (42F) am probably neurodivergent. Through childhood, teens and 20s people would often tell me I was rude or inconsiderate. I never wanted to make people feel bad, so I learned to compensate for the fact that I don't know certain things I am supposed to know by being overly polite and accommodating. This has worked pretty well and most people think I am a little weird, but overall nice. The downside of being so polite is sometimes people, mostly men, think I am a push over and try to take advantage of me. I do not like this and it upsets me.

My husband and I rent a co-op from my MIL. Our co-op is in a middle class neighborhood and is not very flashy. The people who live there with us are mostly retirees on pensions and a few families. Some people of the older generations are probably well off, no one is rich.

One of the doormen in our building started acting really nice to me and going out of his way to help me. I was suspicious at first, but figured that maybe he was embarrassed by how he treated me when we first moved into the building and was overcompensating. He wasn't mean or rude, but for some reason he thought I was someone's cleaning lady. The first three months, he would ask me who I was working for. If I entered the building late, he would tell me I cannot clean at night. I would explain that I lived there and he'd let me go. It didn't really bother me, but none of the other doormen did this. The doorman finally realized I lived there when he saw me leaving with my husband.

Few days ago the doorman helps me with my grocery cart to the elevator. Then he asks me, "Can I ask you for a favor?" I thought maybe I did something rude without knowing it and he wanted to tell me not to do whatever rude thing I have been doing; I say, "sure." He smiles and asks me if he can borrow $100. I start laughing (which I realize is very rude) because I find the request absurd. I told him that I do not have that kind of money and that I am on foodstamps. He says sorry and goes back to the desk. In retrospect, I probably could have handled that interaction better.

Now I avoid going through the lobby when this doorman is working, I use the basement exit instead. I told my husband that I would not be able to get any packages when this doorman is working and my husband said that it was all right, he would take care of it.

The holidays are coming up and my husband and I usually save up and give each of the doormen $75. My question is WIBTA if I didn't tip this doorman? Even though I do not have any contact with him anymore, my husband still does and the doorman does things like receive our packages and sort them in the mailroom. I guess my issue is that I still feel like he was trying to take advantage of me, which makes me angry. But I don't have proof outside my "gut" that says he behaved in a similar pattern to people who have tried to scam me in the past. But these are just feelings and without evidence to back them up.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/AccountIWontUseEver on 2024-10-12 20:01:06.

Last night at around 7:00 pm, i (13m) was having dinner, as i had just gotten back from boxing and was kinda hungry. My grandma (75f) had already eaten at around 5:30-6:00 (i’m assuming).

My grandma is in no way a frail old lady, she does most of the cleaning, cooking, etc. around the house, and she says she has no problem with it, she says it “gives her something to do during the day”.

My grandma sat besides me for a bit at the table, making conversation until she began to tell me everything i had to do or was doing wrong, “you have to do laundry”, “you have to change your pillowcases”, “stop taking such big bites”, “take a shower before you go to bed”, “pack your bag so you can go to your moms house tomorrow”, “get your elbows off the table”, etc.

At some point i began to get agitated, as i usually do when she does this (it wasn’t the first time she’s done this, but the first time i’ve responded in this way). Mind you, i have a short temper and i’m very aware of that, so i typically try to avoid these situations.

As i had said before, i got agitated, and i said something along the lines of, “Okay, i get it, i have to do all this stuff soon and i’m going to, so can you please stop talking for like 10 minutes?” and i’d said it at a pretty fast speed, so it might have sounded a bit aggressive.

She reacted with standing up from the table, saying “i’m sorry for bothering,” and a few other things i can’t remember off the top of my head.

I raised my voice, saying “dude” and slamming my hands down on the table, and she shouted something at me aswell, though it was incoherent. I stood up aswell and put my food into tupperware, as she stormed off into her room upstairs.

So, AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/AITAthrowaway38389 on 2024-10-12 19:39:20.

A few weeks ago while at my friend's (let's call her "M"), I accidentally left my medication out, and M's dog ate it. She had to take her dog to the hospital and ended up spending about $1,500 on treatment. I feel awful about it, but I’m currently unemployed and don’t have any money. Because of this, I didn’t offer to help pay the vet bills, thinking she could handle it since she has savings.

Today, she brought it up when I mentioned wanting to finance a PS5 (just $42/month since I can't pay outright). She said it wasn’t fair that I was thinking about buying something for myself when I hadn’t offered to help with the bills. I told her I didn’t offer because I literally don’t have the money and that if she had asked me directly, I would’ve tried to pay over time. Now M's upset and feels like I’m dismissing her, but I was so scared for her dog I literally threw up so I don't understand how I'm being dismissive.

AITA for not offering to pay when I’m broke? And is it wrong of me to want to buy things for myself when I still feel guilty about what happened?

UPDATE 10/12 10:20pm CT: This was actually written from the dog owner's perspective, "M". I covered the full medical expenses and didn't ask my friend to pay because she told me earlier that day she was struggling to pay for food, and she's a close friend so I didn't want to add to her burdens even though I'm struggling as well. I paid for our food and wine that night. Then, when she told me she was thinking of buying a PS5 and I questioned why she would make a luxury expense when she didn't offer to help pay Maya's medical bill, she attempted to villainize and emotionally manipulate me. I sent her this post and said "thought it might help to see how others are seeing this situation" and she (or her sibling) is now commenting on this post going off, so I've posted our full conversation here since I was actually giving her the benefit of the doubt in the initial post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1g281l9/comment/lro0hys/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button (& a screenshot of our conversation with dates): https://imgur.com/a/KjJmTaX

Also screenshot of my receipts to prove this isn't bait: https://imgur.com/a/CjJWXdK

Some key points:

• This happened just about 2 weeks ago. I didn't ask her to help pay because she told me she was struggling to pay for her food, and I didn't want to add to her burdens since I do have emergency funds set aside, and our friendship was valuable to me. I make 42k and I make constant sacrifices to build my savings, even though most months I'm at a deficit. She is very aware that I struggle with funds.
• She commented that she DID offer to pay over time, but as noted in the comment exchange, she did not. She was with me when the hospital told me what the expenses were, and she remained silent, even though I kept bringing up how I don't know how I'm going to afford it.
• She says that I "often have money and a lot of nice things" which makes me feel like noting she is 30, lives with her parents and doesn't pay rent, and had a job that paid nearly double what I make for years before getting laid off and she is choosing to remain unemployed after the layoff. If I have savings and she doesn't, there's a good reason for that.
  • Additional note: She spends thousands of dollars on kpop albums, concert tickets, travel expenses for kpop shows, and has admitted to have a spending addiction. I had no issue with these things as they didn't affect me, until she played the victim today for not having savings.
• My comment responses from her perspective used words she explicitly said to me - I didn't fictionalize any of it.
• When Maya was hospitalized, I couldn't stop crying and couldn't sleep. I kept checking my phone throughout the night thinking I was going to get a call that she had died. For days afterwards, I couldn't take my eyes off her in case she had side effects or permanent brain damage. I'm still too scared to leave her alone for more than an hour or two because I'm terrified something will happen to her.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/mangocake246 on 2024-10-12 19:36:49.

So there is this bi-annual coding competition at my school that allows up to 3 people per team. For the past two years, I have teamed with two of my friends (we'll call them Ava and Bella). In these two years, I and Ava have always spend a huge amount of time outside of school preparing, while Bella has always been busy with things such as volleyball competitions and schoolwork (for classes that Ava and I are also in, but we still manage to make time for this competition), and has not had much time to meet up with us to get ready. Whenever we are doing anything and apportion some of the work and preparation to her, she always tells us that she will, but then doesn't because she says she has too much homework and too many tests, and will do our competition work later.

However, despite Bella's lack of time spent into this competition, she has not been completely indifferent. She still shows up to the final competitions and works hard during those competitions, and does some of the practice I mentioned earlier eventually (in a rushed way however, after we've asked her multiple times). Overall, she is a nice person and seems like she genuinely wants to be on this team, she just doesn't take this seriously enough like Ava and I. I would say because of this, our team has never placed very well in the final rankings since we have been more of a two person team rather than a three person team.

This year, Bella talked occasionally about how her workload this year has been even more overwhelming than last year, and that she wasn't even fully sure if she could commit to the competitions this year anymore. However, whenever she said that, she quickly changed her mind to still being able to compete later. Even though she said that, we knew that the problems from last year and the year before that would only get worse.

Then, Catherine, who is another friend, lost her team because they dropped out due to scheduling conflicts, so Ava and I decided to kick Bella out and invite Catherine into our team instead. We didn't want to break off our friendship with Bella, since we like her as a friend, just not as a teammate, so we tried to kindly push Bella to drop out without directing asking her if she could drop out by emphasizing the time commitments needed and that she couldn't meet that commitment. She seemed very unhappy though, and kept saying that she could still do the competition and would spend time outside of school, but we had trouble believing that since we have asked her countless times the previous years to spend more time and she never did despite agreeing to.

Because of this, and the fact that the deadline was extremely close, I ended up just registering our team with Catherine rather than Bella before Bella fully agreed to dropping out. When Bella found this out, she was extremely upset about how we replaced her without even getting her approval, and now glares at me whenever she walks past me, not responding to any of my text messages either.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Aggravating_Way8168 on 2024-10-12 18:40:43.

For context, I (14 soon 15 female) have just started high school this year, and it has been very stressful. I've been having trouble with studying ever since 5th grade, I struggled with pretty much all subjects except English and my grades have significantly dropped. I have told my parents but they said that I'm just not trying hard enough. I have thought of dropping out since the end of 8th grade and all of 9th grade, but sucked it up and kept quiet because i was afraid my father would get mad and make a fuss about it.

But a while ago, when bringing me back from high school, I was complaining that the school was too far, i didn't like the students and teachers, and still had trouble with school. He suggested i drop out, which i didn't expect. At first i pretended like i didn't want to because then i'd have nothing to do, but he said that building a career doesn't necessarily rely on getting a degree, so, when i was sure he wasn't joking, i agreed. Another reason i want to drop out is because I'm under too much stress, from school and my parents that want me to be "perfect".

Though not long ago, he changed my school and put me in one near his father's home where i'd go with my cousin (15 female) temporarily, and if i didn't like it, i'd drop out. But recently, it seems that he might not let me drop out, and he's been getting upset at me whenever i'm not studying.

Today, a weekend, he told me to go study because i'm "always playing", and i got upset because i've been doing my best the entire week and it was still not enough for him. Now I"m distancing myself and won't speak to him or my mother because i'm afraid i'd say something i'm not supposed to from anger, and he's saying i'm doing it because i'm "lazy" and don't want to study.

So, AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Apart_Relative_2161 on 2024-10-12 17:39:26.

Using a throwaway. I (31F) have two daughters with my husband (33M), Elsa (8) and Anna (6). We’ve been no-contact with his family for years.

His parents were extremely pushy and didn’t follow any of the rules we were trying to make for our daughters. For example, when my oldest was a baby, i got called into work. I told my MIL we needed her look after Elsa. She’d been sick, so I didn’t want to leave her with a sitter. MIL agreed but said she had already had plans and would have to take the baby. Since this involved taking Elsa out into the cold and into a stranger’s house, I wasn’t comfortable with that. She did agree eventually.

We set a clear boundary around social media. No posting pictures or sharing ours, or commenting or liking them, because they would show up in other people’s feeds. Several times I had to remind her not to comment, but she did anyway, so I unfriended her.

It was lots of stuff like that. We would ask for help or make a rule, then have to justify it. We felt like our children and family weren’t a priority, so right before Anna was born 6 years ago, we cut contact with the whole family.

This spring, my husband decided it’s not fair for our daughters. So, I agreed we could try it again with the understanding that if things hadn’t changed, we’d go back to the way we’d been doing it. Things were rocky at first but now his family are excited we came back. Everyone is willing to let the past be the past, except his older sister (37).

His mother arranged a get together. SIL didn’t come. Then his uncle wanted to do a BBQ for Labor Day and she didn’t come to that, either. She went kayaking with her cousin instead (I saw on her SM).

She’s been like that since we got back. My MIL is really upset. I know SIL has gone to lots of things we’re not at. But she doesn’t come to things we’re at. The only time she’s seen us was for Anna’s birthday party. She was polite, and brought her a nice card and present, but left as soon as the party was over. She didn’t post on her socials about Anna’s birthday or anything.

Finally, last week we called her about it. She was quiet for a while and then said that she felt like she couldn’t trust us anymore, and that she had had be the one to hold things together when we left the first time, and she didn’t want to open that door again, and she hung up.

My husband is really mad. He says they were close as kids and she’s always been dramatic and a diva but this is unusual. She doesn’t seem like she’s angry, she just acts like we don’t exist. With the holidays coming up, she told MIL she’ll do birthdays and Christmas with us for the kids, but that’s it. We were just trying to protect ourselves, but now she’s acting like we did it to target her. Are we really TAHs here, or is she just being dramatic like my husband says?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Helpful_Amphibian_41 on 2024-10-13 13:54:20.

Me and my best friend Marie (both F, 16y) have been friends since 2nd grade. She has been like a sister to me ever since we have met each other and has always been by each others side all the time. One problem was that when we grew closer and got used to each other Marie starts getting more and more protective of me.

For example she would turn down everyone that I talked with and would always make a big fit about it saying that I don't hang out with her often and would cry about it in hopes she gets my attention. She would also compare me to other beautiful people and start body shaming me saying I eat too much or I am trying to outshine her by being skinny so I have to eat more.

Another problem was there was no way I could talk to other people because she was in all of my classes.

When 10th grade was over, Marie went on a vacation with her family to Florida to visit her grandparents. I never felt so happy in my life. All the weight of pain and depression lifted from my shoulders.

One day while driving to my local coffee shop I saw this guy Jay (M,17y) who was at my school going to the coffee shop I was going to too. We had talked to each other several times but always get interrupted by Marie because of her protective behavior so we never talked that much.

I decided to invite him over to my table because the table was empty and I was in a good mood that day. He immediately came over to my table and we had a good time and a good laugh, we also exchanged numbers considering the fact that my contacts are only my mom, dad, and ofc, Marie, so I was really happy I have someone to talk to over the summer while Marie was gone.

After that day, me and Jay would constantly talk to each other and have dates constantly, to the point he asked to be his girlfriend forever. I ofc said yes.

Summer break was over and 11th grade started and unfortunately Marie was back to school happy to see me and for reason, that day was also a good day for me so I told her how me and Jay are officially dating. After I said those words, she immediately starts crying saying she never agreed to make me go on a date and get a boyfriend. I told her to suck it up because she needs to learn to let me live my life and let her understand that she needs to be kind to others too.

She immediately calls me a fat ass and a bitch while also crying and screaming while also hitting me hard to the point where at some parts I start bleeding or bruising. All the teachers were dragging her away.

After that I never heard a word of Marie ever again and eventually changed my entire schedule so I wouldn't have any classes with her anymore. But for some reason everyone kept telling me Marie is stalking me outside of school and in the school.

I confronted Marie about it and she said many uncanny things that I don't want to say, but I can tell you they were life threatening and disturbing. I told her if she doesn't stop I will call the cops on her and she will be taken away for good. She said that she was going to take me somewhere dark and scary while I was sleeping.

I felt so creeped out that I confronted my parents about the situation and that they were going to call the principal and the cops on her. I felt so bad and ended crying for hours, potentially begging my parents to not call them. They didn't call the cops but they told the principal which immediately expelled her from the district and the school.

I‘m still in touch with Marie‘s parents and they told me shitty stuff saying that I was the reason that she’s now expelled and in a mental hospital. I eventually blocked them because they kept sending me death threats and shitty stuff. So AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/gollumqueen on 2024-10-13 13:41:36.

Hello I(27F) have a 10 month old daughter. She's been going through a happy screeching phase and we have been trying to work on soft tones. She is starting to understand. She also does fuss sometimes if she makes a tumble now that she cruises on furniture. Usually if we don't make a sad expression or negative reaction she's perfectly happy after a brief few seconds. However, my nephew ( 10M) just spent the night after a full day of birthday festivities with us. He has mocked her screeching even louder and has even tried to get her to screech. He also will tease her with toys and put them out of reach and twice I caught him taking her bottle away in the car. I told him at least 3 times to not mock her like that and she copies so she will drone on. When she fussed after a minor fall yesterday, he did it again and she cried more than the few seconds she usually would. I tried once more to reason and say "I'm sorry if the noise bothers you, I know baby crying is frustrating but can you please leave the room or put on headphones next time. She will stop crying after about 10 seconds once she knows she's safe" . Today she face planted on the tile because her dumb mom, me, didn't realize the floor was so wet after cleaning her highchair. She started screaming much more than normal so I could tell she really was hurt and then my nephew chimed in with an even louder scream. He was in another room when this happened. I yelled " , STOP" from the other room. My husband (29M) and also his biological uncle said I was way out of line. AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Usual_Jackfruit_8896 on 2024-10-13 13:34:08.

My boyfriend (23m) and I (20f) have been together for a few months. Recently my best friends brother get arrested on a dwi charge ( little backstory- when we first started hanging out my best friend brother decided it was a good idea to use me to see if he was over his ex, then have nothing to do with me afterwards. We are still cordial with each other but that’s as far as it goes.). Well, my best friends brother wanted me to got pick up his things from another friend of ours, claiming that she trusted me with his stuff more than her. I told me boyfriend this and he said that I wasn’t his girl and that if he gave his stuff to her there was no reason to go and get it. I respected that so I ended up tell her that I couldn’t pick it up (which was perfect since she wouldn’t give her address). The next day he ended up getting released at 11pm so my best friend wanted me to go drive by to make sure he was ok. I told her that I wouldn’t interact with him in any way nor would I give him a ride anywhere due to my boyfriend being uncomfortable with it. I was purely driving by and making sure he made it ok. My boyfriend ended up calling and when I told him what I was doing he get rather upset. He stated I had disregarded his previous statement knowing there was nothing he could do about it. Am I the asshole???

Update: my best friend lives in Alaska so she was unable to check on him herself. He gave his phone to another friend of there’s and I didn’t have her number to communicate with. Also I didn’t know that I was a rebound until several weeks after we hookup ( and yes his sister knows, she didn’t have a problem with it). Furthermore, I am in no way “searching” for an opportunity to be with him. The only times I’ve hung out with him were when I was with my best friend, since they use to live together. If I was really as hung up on this dude I wouldn’t be in a relationship to begin with. She moved back to Alaska in September and If I was really pining I would still be hanging out with him, which I don’t

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dizzy_Yam_5075 on 2024-10-13 13:00:17.

I love my family, first and foremost, but I’m kind of going crazy. I (20) live with my mom (60) and brother (25) in a small mobile home. I know families usually have their differences, but our main problem here concerns their hygiene v mine. Starting in the kitchen, dishes don’t get done. All dishes. So if anyone wants to cook, they need to first clean every pan, and utensil required. When you grab your ingredients from the fridge, don’t be surprised when half the contents are molding, or when the groceries you’ve bought have disappeared. There is no proper trash can. I bought one a few months ago and I think they just threw it away? I’m constantly buying dishes, as my brother will hoard them in his room until they mold and then throw them away. My brother and I also share a restroom, and aside from him spending genuine HOURS in there doing god knows what (seriously prefer not to think about it.) he’ll also leave it unbelievably filthy. I swear every time I clean it, directly after he goes in to shave his face, leaving all the hairs everywhere. Towels are left wet on the floor, and obviously, he only uses my products. Razors, shampoo, conditioners, etc. both of them have odd sleep schedules, my brother games, which would be fine if it wasn’t consistently accompanied by banging and screaming into the late hours of the night. And my mother is on the same trend, but instead of staying up screaming at video games she’s screaming at political content. Again, I love my family, but I’m a full time student, and I work full time, I kind of need to eat and sleep sometimes. I usually get around four hours of sleep, I never eat at home, I’ve tried the whole cleaning every dish and buying daily groceries but it gets exhausting. After cleaning everything I don’t have the energy to cook for myself. I’ve had discussions with them both, I’ve tried to make chore charts and reason with them, I’ve mentioned the impact on my mental and physical health, nothing seems to make them budge. They just seem dead set on living in a filthy environment. I wondered if they were depressed, so I helped them both into therapy, just for my brother to instantly quit, and my mom to use it as another outlet for her political ramblings. I’m moving out next year, I wanted to earlier but didn’t want their cleaning habits to be the reason I lost out on $900 every month, but until I leave. Literally anyone, what do I do. Or am I the asshole.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/LewdMimic on 2024-10-13 12:37:38.

I have a friend who I really like and is an all around a nice person. He is also poor, works relatively far and has no vehicle. His relationship with his family is also strained and they wouldn't be able to help him much anyway because they are more or less in the same boat. I make more than he does but I am also poor (I make about $30K a year) and after getting to know him better I decided to help him out occasionally with a little cash if he needed it or with a favor such as driving him to and from work. I just wanted to be nice.

The problem is that he's been taking advantage of it (and me) especially as I'm also going through a rough patch myself. Inflation's a bitch y'all. I've talked to him to get to get him to understand that while I get his situation is difficult (he was almost homeless) and that I don't mind helping him out every once in while that I need him to stop reaching to me just to get me to fix his problems. Especially since I have many of my own.

Just as an example at least once a week (it used to be way more frequent) I wake up to a wall of text messages explaining what emergency he has now and how he desperately needs my help. It stresses me out and puts me in a shitty mood to start the day. Now I dread getting texts from him.

Also I mostly ignore his texts to hangout even when I do have free time (which is rare) because its never just actually hanging out. It's always just an excuse so I can do him a favor like taking him to the store or to an appointment where I'm often left alone just waiting for him to finish. By the time we're done it's either too late to do anything or I'm no longer in the mood and just want to go home.

Unfortunately his situation isn't really improving and he won't stop basically guilt tripping me. Again he's actually a nice guy and I do like spending time with him when we do really hangout plus I know he really does need the help. But honestly I'm growing resentful and I feel like it's only a matter of time before I in no uncertain terms tell him to stop making his problems my problem. Would I be an asshole if I did?