scientist quoted as saying black holes were "shitting [their] guts out" and "blowing megachunks all over the proverbial tile floor of space"

Exactly! I haven't wasted any mental energy on the exchange in years since I realized it's not a real question. I generally just stick with "hangin' in there," which isn't too good but not too bad either, so it feels truthful enough.

If somebody asks me, my mental process is "they're not really asking, it's just a formality. Hurry up, say the thing, figure out what they REALLY want, and move on." Saves time and energy.

At this point, I only assume I actually need to answer if it's someone close that I haven't seen in a while and needs to be caught up. Even then, most of the time it's the same answer because I don't have shit going on, hahah