Thank you for this lengthy reply ! Yes, I do have social anxiety. I do try to break it many times but inherently it is there. Without a very good reason, I will keep it in the comfort zone ( lazyness + anxiety , I guess ).

I may need a set of friends who are not judgemental.

Yes, I do small talk.

Sometimes I want to continue that relation. But, most times 1. I dont remember their face or parts of the talk 2. I just dont actively think about continuing ( Its like I have to put a remainder on that talk - quite dumb ? ) 3. They might be disinterested in the next time ( partly, I believe of silly way of expressing things )

Thanks, that consistency is what I am missing . I used to write notes. But what-if-others-see-my-silly-notes feeling also there.

Yeah, most people are. Some have the luxury of not thinking of it or have lower self expectations.

Edit : Listening to rattle my cage :)

Ok. Any online courses or videos you recommend

Oh... Thanks, mate. Let me check it.

I dont think it's sleep apnea. It's like my processing power is low,or cannot multi task

I snore rarely and get 6-8 hours sleep any day. One I think I feel good about this job , I do not need to think about work tasks at my home, and sleep within 5 minutes I lay on bed :) ( I still hate night shifts , btw ) .

Get drowsy and have to fight nodding off while driving? Do meetings send you to a seemingly impossible fight with staying awake?

Were you having low hours of sleep during these?