greencactus

I hope this post belongs in this community, as this is more of a text than a painting. Mods, please let me know if I've posted wrongly.

The text:

Looking

Looking at the horizon, wondering How the world, us all, arrived here Every day news of war and death Broken hopes, chaos and despair Even though we dreamed of so much more Exploring the stars, going beyond Fighting For All Mankind, dreaming Of what we together could achieve And what mysteries we could unveil Where have we left what we looked for?

Liebes Fediverse,

nachdem ich gestern in der weiten Welt des Internets unterwegs war, bin ich auf das Thema Wohngeld gestoßen und wollte nochmal kurz mit Euch teilen, wie ungleich das System eigentlich ist.

Die meisten, die mit Bafög studieren, wissen: BAföG und Wohngeld vertragen sich nicht. In BAföG ist ein Zuschuss zum Wohnen bereits erhalten. So weit, so gut.

Ich beziehe ein Studiumsstipendium. Die Stipendiumsberechnung ist immer BAföG-Anspruch +300 Euro. In meinem Fall beziehe ich Bafög-Höchstsatz, also 812 Euro, plus 300 Euro = 1112 Euro im Monat.

Was jedoch die meisten nicht wissen: Wohngeld kann man auch beziehen, wenn man ein Stipendium erhält. In fact, wird das Stipendiumseinkommen nur zur Hälfte angerechnet (siehe Punkt 27).

Das heißt auf mich, dass für mein Wohngeldanspruch ich effektiv 550 Euro im Monat beziehe. Wenn man das in einen Wohngeldrechner eingibt (Raum Leipzig), kommt man effektiv bei ~200-220 Euro im Monat Wohngeld raus - höher, als meine Miete ist (205€), Wohnhein.

Ich erhalte also effektiv 500€ mehr als meine Kommilitonen, die "nur" BAföG beziehen. Alles als Darlehen, ohne Rückzahlung.

Wenn man dann noch Kindergeld dazuzählt, kann ich mir ein sehr gutes Leben im Studium gönnen. Alles nur, weil ich in der Stipendiums-Lotterie ein gutes Los gezogen habe. Nebenbei arbeiten mache ich aus Spaß, weil ich Lust darauf habe. Gerade hocke ich in Frankreich für Erasmus, wobei mein Inlandsstipendium weiter läuft.

Bildungsgerechtigkeit geht anders.

I'm not sure if anyone can relate to this, but I still wanted to get "my feelings out", so to speak. I'm a psychology student from Germany who's in a Erasmus+ year (basically an exchange year during university) in France. I think the topic of loneliness has accompanied me my whole life in one form of another, but right now I think it strikes extra hard. Generally speaking, I think I'm pretty socially competent - I have friends, a girlfriend, I'm member of a Nightline back in Germany. I know a good amount of people from uni, in Germany and France, and can have a nice smalltalk with them.

However, I don't feel included in any specific group, here or back in Germany. I am not outright rejected, people are still nice when I e.g. sit down with them for a meal. I went to a bar with some fellow exchange students, or talked with them during lunch. But these activities drain a lot of energy from me, and I can't go to the nice places where people bond as a group. I can't go to parties or concerts, having lunch with other people already drains my social battery for the day. I hear them telling how they will go on a trip or a party, how they went to the city and had a nice time. Last time I was in the city I nearly had a meltdown when I got home.

It just feels really lonely, as if all the people around me have fun as a group and I stand at the edge of the party, watching them as they enjoy themselves. I could walk up to them and have a drink, but I still wouldn't be part of the party, no matter what I really do or try, because I wouldn't be able to get in the same "fun mood" as them. This feeling of not belonging holds on the entire day right now.

However, that doesn't mean I'm not happy or I can't do fun things; I absolutely can. I love it when I can sleep out and watch a nice movie, when I have a walk next to the river and listen to my podcast. I love exploring the city (with headphones!), or watching a dog play with a ball, playing PC or writing in my diary. There are nice things in my life, which I appreciate and value. However, all these things are things I do on my own or with another person. And whenever I'm in a group, I very strongly feel that I don't really fit to the group, that they are different than me.

I already thought about joining up a group here, but my language barrier makes it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to do so. And with my fellow exchange students I don't really fit in, for the reasons outlined above.

Overall, I just feel very lonely here. Like a little alien watching the others have fun, while I'm on my own somewhere different. Of course I still have fun, I do great things, but I do them on my own. I feel that I'm broken or wrong for not able to enjoy group things as much as others do, that some part of me which is supposed to function correctly doesn't work.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/20077667

Mandatory Boomer post

Look, I enjoyed Skyrim, but I miss the days when Bethesda made RPGs

They're like dogs, but always fluffy

We must meet the threat with our valor, our blood, indeed with our very lifes, to ensure that human civilization, not insect, dominate this galaxy now and always!

Wild. Von SPD bis FDP alle dabei, um Networking zu betreiben. Schande.

Gosh, I'm so happy. Admittedly it was an amazing run - I found plate armor in the sewers and upgraded them into oblivion. Still, the feeling of happiness when I realized I arrived at the top was really nice.

Especially the learning curve of the game. Every time I try, I get a bit better. A few weeks ago I died at the Dwarfen City, and now I'm good enough to come back to the top. The experience of working on your skill and getting better is just really amazing, and I love how the game is hard, but doesnt feel punishing.

Overall, I'm proud of my great Warrior :)

I've rarely seen such weird coincidences on Reddi's front page as this one.

Just forgot I need to walk back out for the ultimate victory...

My partner and I just had a talk about it. Basically, she celebrated her birthday today. I was on her party, and it was fun, but I left after around 2 hours to get home and relax a bit. After I arrived, a friend of mine texted me and asked me if I wanted to go to a lake and see the sunset. I agreed, we went to the lake and went swimming in it; it was really nice. Later, after arriving at my partners, she talked with me that it hurts her that I went out with someone else on her birthday, doing a romantically coded activity.

To be honest, I realize that I don't have a single clue what is coded as a romantically coded activity. For me, this was something completely okay and appropriate, because it is for me clearly a friend-thing; but my partner explained to me that the combination of going out with another person on her birthday and going to a sea, which is a secluded place, just heavily connotates it in a romantic way.

I understand that what I've done here wasn't right, and that I have responsibility here. Even though I didn't want to hurt my partner, it is still my responsibility to inform myself here on romantically conmotated things you shouldn't do in a partnership. So, dear people of Lemmy, what does constitute a romantic moment?

Edit: I've left out some information which seems to be important for the whole picture . I've copied it out of my comment and adding it here:

Me and my gf got together in August of last year, so basically 8 months ago; we were friends for half a year before that. She got cheated on in her long distance relationship before.

The friend who invited me to the sea I actually know for almost as long as my partner, from the beginning of Uni. She had a breakup from a three-year old relationship a few months ago, and I was there to support her. I didn't clarify before though if she was okay with me cuddling with people or not; I assumed it was with her, because it was okay in her LDR before - which was wrong of me. I overstepped the boundaries of my partner here.

The friend in question kissed me at the neck while I was at hers. I talked with her about it and let her know that I wasn't okay with it, to which she reacted quite hurt. She then told me that we shouldn't be friends, but two weeks ago she collapsed at Uni and I brought her home. Now we are meeting again.

While I'm writing this down, I'm actually starting to notice that there are a lot of other factors playing in why my partner is upset here. She has been cheated on in the past, which definitely leads her to feel uncomfortable about my actions, even though I obviously don't want to cheat. I broke a societally unwritten rule of not meeting people in romantically coded settings on your partners birthday. And I overstepped the boundary of my partner before by cuddling with the friend without my partners consent.