I'm luckily able to start estro next week so I just gotta worry about my name change...
Thinking that transitioning can be worse in our neighboring countries is wild, considering how much stupid paperwork and waiting for appointments I had to do. I can do this.
...sorry for the slight terminology mishap, I admittedly am not very well educated on politics and especially not it's terminology. But thank you for the explanation
Probably the most affirming expriance I've had was when a new neighbor moved into our small apartment building and we got into a little bit of a chat. Some when in she asked me "oh, you're -neighbor with female name-, right?" I was, in fact, not that neighbor. What makes it specifically special was that I haven't done much as in voice training and my voice usually gives away that I'm born male. I still try to sound as androgynous as I can but it's reeaallyy hard.
Since that story is quite boring, here are 3 other affirming stories:
At an anime convention, I went into the men's bathroom to wash my hands and apply more black lipstick. Back then (and even now), the ladies bathroom almost sounds like sin to go into for me (thank you dad). To appear more fem, I wearing a very short skirt and a crop-top. It worked so well actually that some guy opened the bathroom door, saw me, IMMEDIATELY apologized and walked back out. He did come in again after looking at the bathroom sign and asked but ya. It felt so good finally not fitting in a space I was forced into for my entire life so far.
A second public bathroom story ٩(•ᴗ•)۶. I was in Cologne (Germany) for a day because of a small event in the Bootshaus. On our way there, me and a friend of mine had to go to the bathroom, so we decided to go at the bathroom of the train station Köln messe/deutz (we went separately and guarded our baggage and stuff). In any case, I walked in and someone instantly saw me and told me to get the fuck over to the ladies bathroom. The scared little bitch that I am, I just put on my male voice and said that I sadly had to go here... He left me alone after that but still very funny and affirming.
And finally, a non-bathroom related story. Literally 3 days ago, coming home from a Pride parade, a train ticked guy asked me for my ticket. Since I've just been on a pride parade, I was dressed quite fem and slutty. Anyways, I gave him my ticket and ID. THE FACE OF THAT POOR GUY AS HE GOT VISABLY CONFUSED WHEN SEEIBG MY NAME AND OLD PIC. It was amazing. Nothing really happened and h didn't question it and just left me to my ways.
What makes all of this even more euphoric of me tho is the fact that I'm not on HRT yet. I do have strangely high natural estro level which might have made me grow up quite a bit fem too. I guess I'm kinda blessed with the f1nnster gen, where I can look both quite masc and quite fem c:
Oh my hod, so cute and so much envy...
Btw is that a dog collar I see around your neck?
Why not make something like "[email protected]"?
Did you talk to your doctor about it not doing anything? It might very well because you're getting too low if a dosage. (DON'T INCREASE WITHOUT SUPERVISION THO!!)
I can't really judge if it's actually doing nothing or if you just can't see the change since it's a very slow and gradual process.
Thank you so much for the recommendation! Sad that there's nothing in person here tho, guess I have to put up with the shipping struggle...
I'm luckily in a position to not need to resort to Point of Pride - I'd rather have it go to someone who really needs the support.
Holy shit, how didn't I know this exists? This is an amazing recourse. Thank you so much for this
I'm not much of a relationship person but having your close ones just vanish must hurt a ton. Especially at a time like this...
When the feelings get too much, (at least for me it helps if you) take your Blåhaj and imagine they're a human, like a close friend or family. >!or imagine me, even if you have no clue how I look like. After all, the Blåhaj connects us all!<
I'm luckily at a therapist that specializes in LGBT topics so I hope that my concerns are for nothing anyways. Oh how I wish I could just turn off attraction.
AGP (autogynophilia) is a debunked pseudo-scientific theory. I see that it still exists in your doubts.
What's even scarier is that I didn't even know that this was an official thing. So the existence of this was in my head without knowing what it was. Scary shit... Thank you for telling me this.
I'm not super stressed about finding out my sexuality anyways. I seriously have bigger fish to fry for the time being.
Have you tried possible affirmations, like a preferred name, pronouns, clothes? How did you feel?
I've tried a lot of things, actually. I mostly go by my chosen name (which feels kinda good), my chosen pronouns (which doesn't feel bad but it's kinda weird) and wearing affirming clothes feels fucking awesome.
a trans woman who is scared to do something or learn something that invalidates her.
I hate to say this but this is uncomfortably accurate...
Thank you tho c:
I'm glad I'm not alone in this. Thank you for the link, I'll give it a read once I've got a little more time.
I have been through quite the number of therapists too, so I know that there's everything from amazing therapists to wondering how they even got to be one. I'm actually quite happy with the one I'm currently with but I'll have to find a new one very soon for different reasons.
Thank you so much. She's right, i gotta talk to my therapist about it... I'm probably overly scared about this anyways because he did tell me (multiple times) that I will get that write-off from him 100%.
Knowing that I'm not alone in this struggle is an immense amount of help, thank you. I think I'll take a screenshot of this comment and take a look at it whenever that feeling comes back. <3
Oh, I actually might have something useful to say about all of this c:
I'm actually in a quite similar position as (I think) you are. I'm just gonna say the magic word right out of the gate: Agender ✨
I don't really know what it means to "be a certain gender" but presenting more femme makes me happier. I generally think that gender differentiations shouldn't be a thing because it makes absolutely no sense for me.
I don't fit into any gender stereotype and neither do I wanr to but when it comes down to it, being male makes me too disphoric for me to not take HRT