PaX

The nurse practitioner I'm seeing about my ADHD diagnosed me with bipolar disorder

She literally could not have surprised me more if she tried

This makes no sense to me but it's scaring me a lot :(

I don't really remember having manic episodes? Depressive maybe but it's usually after something bad happens to me and not really consistently....

I told her I put off making this appointment cuz I've been feeling really bad recently, then she just asked me a few questions like if people say I talk too much sometimes or if I do things impulsively and prescribed me an antipsychotic (aripiprazole) wtf

I asked some family and they haven't noticed anything like this... idk :(. Has this happened to anyone else? Am I just in denial? I'm afraid to take this drug she gave cuz I really don't need to be even more tired all the time... or tardive dyskinesia or something (unlikely, worst case)

I wish nothing but pain and suffering upon people who project their reactionary opinions onto cute animals and internet personalities like big floppa

Link cuz I'm not a lib:

https://old.reddit.com/r/bigfloppa/comments/1b9j1sv/happy_womens_day/

couldn't even manage a ratio:

ㅤ

Posting here cuz this rant that is coming together in my head is too long for the megathread and these events interact too much with my ADHD lol.

I have been off of the site for a bit just cuz I've been feeling so awful :(

Sooo I have some kind of unmanaged ADHD thing that's been wrecking my life for the last few years (it's a long story). The way I mildly kinda cope with it is huge doses of caffeine that sometimes give me the ability to get things I've been putting off (everything) done. But it also destroys my sleep and stresses me out so much I actually think it's starting to kill me lol. I have this issue with my eyes where I get random blind spots that develop and last for like a few minutes to an hour and no doctors have been able to tell me what it is. Stress makes it worse which makes me even more stressed and anxious about it :(

It's hell but somehow I'm still alive even though I feel like I'm nearing death every day. Also developing hypertension lmao. Recently, I actually got my ADHD certified as actually real and existing (diagnosed) but this shit they gave me (atomoxetine) cuz I made the mistake of telling them I've used recreational drugs before just makes me feel more depressed, wrecks my sleep even more, and makes me even more stressed-out lol. Idk I'm looking forward to trying all manner of blood pressure drugs and whatever else they can dig out of the pharmacopoeial backlog that makes me feel worse when I probably just need healthier stimulants to make me more able to deal with living in hellworld. I suppose I could ask but that probably won't go well considering the nurse practitioner who gave me this stuff was dismissive and mean toward me without me even asking for drugs lol. I have met like... maybe 2 nice mental health ""professionals"" in my life? (and I've seen many and not one seriously considered my concerns about ADHD until I met the first good one lol)

Anyway, this brings us to the real topic of this rant: I finally got a shitty, cheap, used MSM8916-based (Qualcomm system-on-chip (derogatory)) Moto G4 Play off of the the Internet after being without a working phone for like the last two weeks. The reason I got this phone in particular is because I deluded myself again into thinking postmarketOS was worth another try and this phone seemed to have decent support. It came yesterday and yesterday I was feeling particularly bad :(

I slept even worse than usual so I thought I would forego the usual caffeinemaxxing, drug myself with this kinda bad-feeling research chem GABAergic I have to calm down, setup this new phone quickly, and go back to bed. Yeah, and then I ended up staying up for the next 18 hrs trying to make this fucking awful phone work with my fucking awful... phone service provider (I'm gonna say PSP from now on) or whatever they're called. The initial setup was easy and fine but the phone had no service in either Android or postmarketOS. I had forgotten my PSP has some kind of rage-inducing IMEI allowlist system where if you're not using a specifically approved phone they won't allow your phone to register with their network regardless of if and has the capabilities they expect from an 4G LTE-speaking phone and it would have worked fine. I tried talking to customer service and they basically said "nah, we're not letting you use your phone, wanna buy another one? If not, get out of my face you disgusting removed modded phone user. I was gonna say you belong in prison for owning that but Linux phone users like you should go to a death camp. We're working on that :)". I had forgotten that this happened last time I got a phone like this and the only way I got around this was by changing the IMEI to an old iPhone. OoooOOOoh, IMEI changing, the forbidden topic of the XDA forums, yeah it's illegal in some places, which is fine because lying about your phone to your PSP is cool and good. Unfortunately, changing the IMEI of this phone was not as easy as with a Pinephone Pro (just one unsanctioned AT command! <3 <3 <3).

So I started on this journey of great trial and discovery: changing the IMEI of the embedded MSM8916 modem. At first, I thought this would be easy... but I underestimated the frustration-power of an undocumented-for-working-class-people SoC meant only to deliver slop into the eyes of a waiting, captive user. I could go into great detail here about what I tried, so many, many things that simultaneously blur into a morass of (ancient (relative to how fast the phone market moves), arcane malware-infested tools and forbidden incantations) and it being so frustrating that I remember it all. Different modem firmware, different Android systems, wiping modem configurations in different orders, different uhhhh "Qualcomm HS-USB Windows diagnostic drivers", (soooo many different tools, first-party (leaked Qualcomm tools) and otherwise), editing the IMEI in backups from Qualcomm tools and trying to write them back, grepping the modem configuration in flash for the IMEI, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc. I got so close sometimes but the attempt would always fail for some absolutely inexplicable, indecipherable reason.

For those not aware, this is just what phones are like. It all barely fucking works, any """"""consumer"""""" equipment may fall apart at any moment and be impossible to repair, it has a trillion mechanisms to prevent users from modifying their slop-feeder, data-collecting device yet is riddled with security problems for those with the time, energy, and money to find them (the state lmao), chips or whatever are undocumented except to those who can prove to Qualcomm or whoever that they're a servant of some capitalist who needs documentation in the service of their lord, infrastructure barely interoperates despite the great efforts of phone cartels to standardize because their members can't help themselves from introducing things like vendor-specific extensions or practices like carrier locking or IMEI whitelisting in the endless pursuit of higher profits

Unlimited destruction upon phones, computers are fucked now we need a Butlerian Jihad NOW!

We need to return to PDAs

Fuck it, I guess I just live without a phone now I sure hope no one needs to call me lmao

Am I really hitting post on this lol

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/2029720

I was thinking of getting one of these as a cheap replacement for my broken (and disappointing) Pinephone Pro.

What's the experience like?

I was thinking of getting one of these as a cheap replacement for my broken (and disappointing) Pinephone Pro.

What's the experience like?

I recently found out the water at the place I'm staying is definitely full of lead cuz all the plumbing fixtures were put together with lead solder (recently too :( )

So I've been drinking the filtered water you can get in those refillable 20 liter bottles

Could someone send $10 so I can go refill this container and maybe get some food?

All I have rn is my cash app at $paxxap

Thank you for reading <3

Edit: Someone sent me $10! Thank you so much

I'm broke and hungry :(

And only keeping caffeine withdrawals away with the little bit of coffee I have left

My cash app is $paxxap. Sorry, cash app is the only thing I have rn without my normal-friendly name attached

Thank you for reading <3

Edit: someone sent me $20! Thank you so so much, the kindness of Hexbears sometimes just leaves me speechless <3 <3

I deleted my only copy of Windows and reinstalled OpenBSD on my big PC. It's way better in almost every respect but I miss video games lol. I'll probably install Linux somewhere and boot that to play video games eventually but games on your native operating system are pretty convenient

Edit: thanks for all your recs, I am crashing from caffeine rn and have to log off lol, will check them all later

Suggested category: the one with all the animals

Suggested keywords: silly, bleh, cat, tongue, not, doing, that

Suggested use: conveying a sense of whimsy or sillyness

My honest reaction:

Link cuz I'm not a lib (beware: unmarked spoilers): https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WMG/WarriorCats

rant with spoilers for the Warrior Cats books

So bad on multiple levels: the conception of the US as a place accepting of "diversity and outcasts", ShadowClan as a flat, generic, enemy camp like what liberals think is, WindClan as Great Britain probably solely based on the """special relationship""" that ThunderClan and WindClan had that only existed in the short time between just prior to the battle with BloodClan and shortly after Tallstar's death (historical blip), or that what ThunderClan does in its interactions with other clans (generally cat geopolitics on an equal footing) is similar to what the US does (imperialism), and so on and so on

But the person who wrote that could have been an actual child so it's whatever lol

Don't look up the USSR on TVtropes, worst mistake of my life