this post was submitted on 26 Oct 2023
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AmITheAsshole

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edit: I am a man and the only man in this scenario

This happened some time ago. I was driving and stopped on a gas station. probably for coffee and had to go pee. I saw a long queue of around fifteen to twenty exclusively 30-something girls, definitely bit older than me. They probably were a sports team, since there was a hired couch bus waiting outside and they were mostly wearing sweats. There were separate stalls for men and women (one each), so I went for the men's room. It turned out locked, so I stood just outside it. One of the girls in the queue said that the back of the queue is "back there". I replied "sure, but I'm going to the men's room", understandably assuming they were queueing for the ladies room. To which she said "yeah but there's one queue for both". I am familiar with the concept of shared queues, but mostly from supermarkets or post office, where you would queue for several checkouts and just go to the first one that is free. Never encountered shared queues for gender-separated toilets, so I said "but the toilets are separate, I'm going to the men's room and you can queue for the ladies room" and simply went in without any more protest from them when the men's room emptied (and it was another girl in there).

Were I the asshole?

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

NTAH. If they had told you they were using the men's stall as well, then maybe. It sounds like they didn't do a good job at explaining the situation.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

to be fair I did understand the situation when she said there's shared queue, but just assumed since the stall I wanted to go to was designated for men, then me going in before them would be in accordance to generally accepted social cohabitation rules. similarly, disabled parking spots by law should always be left available for disabled drivers, but it's commonly accepted that everyone can leave their car there AS LONG AS they will be able to free the spot the very moment a disabled person drives up to it (so preferably without even leaving the vehicle)

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I get your reasoning, however it should be said that bathroom planning for women has long been sexist/ignorant - usually there are way too few stalls for women. Since they can't use urinals, e.g., they just need more than men. There are studies that have shown that

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Oh yeah, that I have no doubt about. I don't quite see how this applies to my particular situation though

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

One queue for both toilets? That makes zero sense

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The restrooms are each operating at capacity. How doesn't it make sense?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Someone leaves the mens toilet, making a space free.

10 women are queuing in front of you. Its one queue.

You now have to wait for the 10 in front of you until you can use the mens toilet?

As a brit I am a master at queuing as the stereotype goes /s

edit - getting downvoted, so someone explain what I am missing here.

If the women are not using the mens toilet, why do those waiting for the mens toilet have to queue with the women waiting for the womens toilet? Or is OP actually stating the toilets are not separated by gender?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

The women were using the men's toilet as well.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

I mean it does make sense when there's only one gender present to use them

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The post doesn't say, but I assume you are a man? Lol

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You're both right I didn't specify that and that I in fact am

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Oh shit that changes everything. I assumed you were a woman and thought you were such an asshole. I was so confused by everyone here. I am in general annoyed by women using the men's room since I'd get the cops called on me if I used the women's room. Yeah not an asshole.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This was a good one, thanks for bringing it up

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

You're welcome?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago

No of course not. They are the assholes for using the men's room

[–] [email protected] 0 points 7 months ago

NTA. They might have decided to take over both toilets, it was a shitty move on their part and they can fuck off. This is a gas station, not their sports locker.

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