People seem to think that just because someone is your family that you should continue to let them torment you, repeatedly. I’m in favor of “unfriending” family I’d they’re that toxic. Good for you and your wife for choosing yourselves and your daughter in this scenario.

My mom's not a narcissist, but she grew up with an abusive father and an enabling mother, and she continues a lot of the toxic practices she learned growing up. She turns the smallest disagreements into full-on fights, and she constantly bickers and complains about everything the rest of the family does or doesn't do.

The rest of the family still struggles a lot with her behaviour, but I've found a few things that help me deal with her:

• If mom comes at me with her complaining then I don't let the discussion grow into a fight gradually, I go nuclear straight away, calling her a fucking hell-bitch so loud that the neighbors and anyone walking past the house can definitely hear it - and then I walk away. Somehow this gets the point through to her that I'm not playing her game, possibly because I don't give her the time to work up her anger to the point where she finally goes nuclear herself and forgets everything around her.
• I never visit mom and dad's house, but I sometimes allow them to visit my house. That way I can always just throw the both of them out if she starts to go toxic.
• I try to remind dad and my sister that we've already tried to get through to mom a thousand times before, and if she still doesn't want to change her behaviour then we can't force her. The only thing we can really control is our presence.

It's probably for the best. Have you or your family ever consider referring your father to a therapist? It doesn't excuse anything he did, especially being physically abusive but it might be an idea.