this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2024
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politics

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Summary

Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson claimed he was “physically mauled” by a demon in his sleep, leaving claw marks on his body, which he says are still visible. Carlson described waking with intense pain, bleeding claw marks, and an overwhelming urge to read the Bible. He recounted the experience as confusing yet transformative, adding that while he doesn’t expect others to believe him, the incident profoundly impacted him.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago

It is what it is.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 3 days ago
[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 days ago (6 children)

I see he's taking a page from Alex Jones's bible.

Anyway, what are the chances that someone's going to come forward that Carlson assaulted them and they fought back? Just asking questions.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 days ago (1 children)

He should keep that between him and his woman. He doesn't need to lie to us. 🤷‍♂️

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Or between him and his dogs

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Dude that's called domestic abuse, and you probably deserved it.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 3 days ago

It's probably your own demons Fucker. They've had enough of your bullshit.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 days ago (2 children)

But, man, you're never going to get any truth from us. We'll tell you anything you want to hear; we lie like hell. We'll tell you that, uh, Kojak always gets the killer, or that nobody ever gets cancer at Archie Bunker's house, and no matter how much trouble the hero is in, don't worry, just look at your watch; at the end of the hour he's going to win. We'll tell you any shit you want to hear. We deal in illusions, man! None of it is true! But you people sit there, day after day, night after night, all ages, colors, creeds... We're all you know. You're beginning to believe the illusions we're spinning here. You're beginning to think that the tube is reality, and that your own lives are unreal. You do whatever the tube tells you! You dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube, you even think like the tube! This is mass madness, you maniacs! In God's name, you people are the real thing! WE are the illusion! So turn off your television sets. Turn them off now. Turn them off right now. Turn them off and leave them off! Turn them off right in the middle of the sentence I'm speaking to you now! TURN THEM OFF... [collapses in a prophetic swoon as the audience erupts in thunderous applause]

Howard Beale, Network (1976)

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 days ago

Jesus Buttfucking Christ these people are nuts.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 days ago (2 children)

sleep paralysis combined with he sleeps with dogs and they have nails. next.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I'm worried that y'all don't know what lying is.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 days ago

Ah shit that's unfortunate. Better luck next time, demon.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago

tl;dr: Comrade Carlson doesn't think he's getting enough attention lately.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 days ago

I bet he tried to fuck one of those dogs and this is his excuse. "Oh no honey I didn't try to fuck the dog again...it was...democr...no wait...demons...yeah it was a demon gang bang and I beat them off."

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 days ago

"I swear, babe! I didn't cheat! It was a demon!"

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 days ago

I can't believe this isn't an onion article.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

do not declaw those dogs

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

The idea that a demon (or even better, Satan himself) would waste their time scratching random people or possessing them just to make them float over their bed or vomit pea soup has always been amusing to me. That's a super weak "ultimate evil" your religion has, Christians.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 days ago

If they really wanted to be scary they would amass 99.9% of the worlds wealth amongst 1% of the population and horde it all while killing the planet and bribing politicians in a vein attempt at being happier.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I bet this was said to cover for crimes he may have committed as christisn judges will definitely see it as a legit defense. Or he is fucking stupid.

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