Asklemmy

Wipe your ass.

Hugging friends. Or any sort of physical contact that isn't with a woman.

One time in high school, I heard somebody yell "Steve, you [bundle of sticks], stop talking to your girlfriend and let's go!" and Steve was in fact at the time talking to his girlfriend.

The sheer concentration of cognitive dissonance has stuck with me to this day.

I remember kids telling me I was crossing my legs in a gay way. I asked them who said so, and they said their teacher. That was the first time I realized some bullies grow up to be teachers.

Wore a maroon coloured hoodie

The dude who asked me this also stared fixedly at the crotch of my board shorts and asked me "where's your package, man?" upon me exiting climbing out of a (cold) plunge pool

I clearly looked confused, so he says "where's your piece?"

Dude clearly spent a fair amount of his time cataloguing the outlines of flaccid penises through boardshorts for whatever fucking reason.

I was offended, ish, till I heard the growers vs show-ers thing. Mine retracts while not in use, it's quite convenient.

Have a straw in a restaurant.

Sit cross legged

Listening to metal music with female singers, on two separate occasions. The first was Planet Hell by Nightwish (from the End of an Era concert), and the second one was either Eluveitie or Dalriada.

Handing out homemade candy in one of my upper level college courses.

Have a wider choice of underwear. Some beautiful individual in another thread put me on to “gay” underwear… comfort settings I’d never dreamed of. I’d feel contained performing CPR in these badboys. Apparently this clothing change is the first step on the road to man love - according to the absolute brains trust I’ve had the pleasure of working with for the last couple of months.

Around 2010ish I was thoroughly enjoying some Bells Two Hearted and other IPAs. My brother (2 years older) tried arguing that bud light is man's beer, and my beers were fruity and girly. It certainly doesn't matter to me, but the irony of choosing bud light, out of all the macro beers, is just 👨‍🍳😘>

Like the color purple

As a kid I was told if you eat scrambled eggs for dinner you are gay. It affected me longer than I care to admit.

I once called a woman sexy and that I would do it with her and was called gay because she had big muscles. That woman is Carriejune Bowlby. I guess straight guys don’t like in shape women with big butts?

Wearing an earring in your right ear, but it's ok to wear it in the left... Or the other way around. I could never remember which.

Kiwi strawberry Snapple.

It was 30 years ago, but it kinda killed the whole concept of calling things "gay" for me.

Use ranch dressing. I was informed that was for gays and city folk only. I really had no response to that nugget of wisdom.

Surprised no one has posted "use a straw" yet. That's definitely one of the more common ones . Weird as shit.

My wife and my buddy who is bi insist that I cannot have normal conversations with other dudes at the alleged gay bar we like to visit sometimes. They say that I am invariably being hit on, but I don't notice anything like that.

Use a Mac.

Eat an ice cream treat in Australia:(

Haven't heard "gay" as a pejorative in real life since high school in the late 90s.

I was just walking to work one day, when I got heckled in the street by some random guy singing at me:

"Earthworm Jim, you're so much fun to play. Earthworm Jim, you're tall, you're thin, you're gay!"

I've never been more seen.