The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Difficult-Ratio3755 on 2024-10-12 15:36:38.
Let’s call my friend John and his girlfriend Jane. John and I got really close in college, and we became even tighter after living together post-graduation. Naturally, I became good friends with Jane too, as I’d often third-wheel their hangouts (or as she joked, she’d be the one third-wheeling me and John). I’m telling you this to paint a picture of how close we all are.
John’s always been into drugs since we met. It started out light, with him just being a big stoner in college, but over time, he began experimenting with heavier stuff like Xanax, cocaine, etc. You’d think it would drag him down, but John’s sharp and charismatic. He was always a functioning user. He graduated fine, landed a solid job, and seemed to have it together.
The real trouble started when he got into opioids: Oxy, Percs, anything he could get his hands on. It started gradually but has since developed into a full-blown addiction. I’ve expressed my concerns over the years, and he always tells me he’s going to quit. He’s made countless promises to get clean, but none of them have stuck. I’ve supported him through every failed attempt, but the cycle has repeated so much that I’ve become kind of numb to his pledges of sobriety.
Here’s the kicker: recently, John has started using fentanyl, and as you probably know, that’s a game-changer. Before, he was still functioning, but now he’s been laid off from his job and is showing signs of depression (he stays inside all day, gambles online, and isolates himself from friends). Without any income, he’s been borrowing money from me to fund his habit. He claims it’s for bills, but I know what it’s really for. I feel trapped — I know I’m enabling his addiction, but saying no to someone I see as a brother feels impossible when I see how desperate he is.
Now, about Jane. She’s a great person and has a lot going for her. John really lucked out. While I only hang out with her when John’s around, I’ve gotten to know her well enough to consider her an actual friend irrespective of our ties to John. She’s aware of John’s drug use, but she doesn’t know the full extent like I do, especially his fentanyl addiction. John hides it well from her.
This is where I need advice: since I don’t live with John anymore, I can’t keep tabs on him like I used to. He tells me he’s tapering off the fentanyl, but I have no way of knowing if that’s true. I’m starting to think the best way to help him would be to tell Jane so that she can monitor him and help hold him accountable. But here’s the issue: John has told me that his relationship with Jane has been rocky lately, and I’m worried that telling her could lead to them breaking up, causing John to spiral even further.
TL;DR: My best friend is addicted to fentanyl, and his life is unraveling. I’m considering telling his girlfriend, but I’m worried it would feel like a betrayal and might cause a breakup that would make his addiction even worse.
What would you do in this situation? Is telling Jane the right move? Or should I handle this differently?