Be me, human sorceror with a level of paladin for the saving throw bonus cheese
Be the other guy in my small party, Borbo Butterbit, halfing rogue with a spiked chain for some fuckin' reason
Wierdo
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Campaign begins... we're on a boat, sailing to the New World
A new land of hope for a fresh start, far from the stifling rules of the noble classes back home, here we can finally have Freedom
The mayflower didn't land on us, we landed on the mayflower? I dunno
Arrive in the semi-lawless frontier settlement
Robbers try to take the seeds, plows etc that the settlers have brought, we fight back and save the day
Borbo doing fearsome damage with his chain
Jokes about "don't yank my chain!" and "I'll chain you up" and shit... in fact, jokes might be too strong a word
Really loves his chain
Wierdo
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Anyway, with small party size, DM gives us a cleric NPC to help out, he was on the boat the whole time, impressed by our bravery and altruism in helping the settlers, previously he thought we were scummy mercenaries
Little from column A, little from column B...
We escort the settlers to the Land Corp office, and they are assigned a parcel to work
Be me, asking for work
Be Land Corp, assigning the sorceror, rogue, and cleric a space in the fields
Be not much sense made
Head out there anyway, try to build a house, give up on day three, head back to town
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Tavern.scroll
Buxom barmaid, cloaked figure lurking in corner, the usual
Find a notice asking for mercenaries to help guard explorer groups
Follow directions to Land Corp office... wait...
Be me, asking Land Corp why they didn't tell us this three days ago
Be Land Corp, confused and disorganised, different people doing different jobs
Be the Rangers of the New Land, seeking mercenaries for fighting duty, hampered by the Land Corp front office focusing on getting people farming
Be me, joining up with Rangers
Leader of these guys embraces the nature as divine power aspect of the Ranger class, worships the rising sun, the falling rain, the sturdy tree, the cleansing fire
Be me, calling him "Son" at every opportunity
It's funny because it sounds like "Sun"
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First expedition, we follow a river up into the low hills inland
Attacked by Orcs, fight back, slay them
Tracking, stumble across a second group of orcs, take a prisoner this time
Tie up the prisoner, take him back with us to town
Be prisoner, refusing to talk at all, biting anyone who comes too close
Be us, locking prisoner in the closest thing this town has to a cell
Be prisoner, chewing through ropes and escaping in the night, murdering three people, and eventually being cut to pieces by the town guards, never surrendering even though he had no chance
Be us, waking up in the morning to hear this news, and receive some of the blame for bringing the orc back
WTF, not exactly our idea to let him escape... nice guarding, jackasses
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Second expedition, Rangers being told to get us the hell out of town
Head further along the river, find more Orcs, try to capture more, but they never surrender, even when captured and tied up (or chained by Butterbit's kinkweapon)... always try to bite or headbutt, or whatever they can
Find only one settlement, no Orcs though, only Goblins
The Goblins are more curious than anything, approach with weapons ready, but try to talk
Can't speak the language but manage to remain peaceful
Be me, showing the Goblin an Orc head
Be Goblins, indicating a certain level of satisfaction that the Orc is dead
Peaceful is a relative term in DnD...
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Leave, back to town, try to arrange for a translation spell or something
No one high enough level, but Land Corp says if we can negotiate with Goblins and get enough of them to tolerate the settlers, we will be richly rewarded
Diplomacy time, I guess... I can do that
Split into two teams... the Rangers to deal with the Orcs, and the diplomats to deal with the Goblins
Spend the next few in-game weeks finding Goblins, talking to them, trying to learn their language, giving gifts of blankets and glass beads and so on
Eventually Borbo gains a level and takes a rank in the Goblin language
Side quests now possible on behalf of the Goblins, turns out they are under attack from Orcs as well
Help out the Ranger groups, track Orcs back to some caves nearby
Caves are much deeper than expected, deserted at surface level, but once we get deeper, there are Orc strongholds
Little bit of fighting Orcs, get a level or two myself, can finally cast Tongues
Would have preferred Fireball TBH, but so noble, must find a peaceful way to coexist with the Goblins
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Borbo... pretty quiet most of the time, but he's still with me
Give up on the Orc caves, it's a bit too hard for us at the moment
Find more Goblins to talk to
Several major settlements now located, as well as lots of small villages
Goblin nation, pretty much, not just random tribes
Manage to introduce the nearest ones to our settlement
Be DM, trollface for a while now
Ask him why... says he's doing a thing where he battles the standard racist assumptions of DnD... Goblins can actually be peaceful, but it's funny, because Orcs totally match the stereotype
This apparently is funny, because it's half woke and half... um... unwoke? I dunno
Ok, DM, whatever you need to keep entertained, we'll be over here...
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Weeks pass, we arrange a meeting of the Goblin Council, 100 members, they will decide if they are going to ally with the settlers or turn them away
Be us at meeting
Ranger Sunny guy is here to report on what he knows about the Orcs at the same time
Borbo overhears some of the Goblins mocking his height
Not the council members themselves, just some bystanders
Be me, learned a little bit of Goblin, plus using Tongues spell, Charisma boost spell (Eagle's Splendour I think?)... give a beautiful speech about the power of sentient brotherhood across different lands and races, plus we can beat shit out of the Orcs if we team up
Almost persuaded them, vote soon
Wait though... Butterbit getting pissed, starts shouting at the Goblins who were teasing his height
One of the Council comes over, crowd gathering, everyone shouting
Apparently this council guy is the parent/patron/something of one of the Goblins who's now shoving Borbo
About to be a fight, Goblin pulls dagger, Butterbit stabbed, falling back, whips out his chain... flails it round into the face of the council guy
Be me, turning to the Ranger
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If you're having Orc trouble, I feel bad for you Sun
I got 99 Goblins
Butterbit chained one