Just over 5 months sober. I struggled a little this weekend. I was meant to meet my partners' friends for drinks (I've been usually OK in social settings, happy to just get a non alcoholic beer and chill) however this weekend I just couldn't face talking to new people AT ALL. I got incredibly anxious at the thought of the whole situation and started crying and genuinely couldn't stop. I even put on my going out clothes and stepped outside my front door but I still couldn't stop and I had to go back inside.

And it made me reflect on how often I used to be able to rely on alcohol as a crutch for these kinds of situations. Obviously that set off some catastrophic thinking about never being able to interact with new people in a social situation ever again.

Having slept on it (I stayed in and watched movies instead) I have to cut myself some slack. I was quite sick all last week and had very little energy, so I didn't go to the gym at all which usually helps my moods. I also didn't do anything social even with people I know and felt really lonely. And last of all I also took some pretty strong medication to help with another infection I had and I wonder if everything altogether made me feel like shit.

So I have that to reflect on today. I texted a friend of mine this morning about one of the films I watched last night and we had a really good conversation about it which was really nice. And I didn't have to leave my house to have it :))