this post was submitted on 08 Aug 2024
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Explain Like I'm Five

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[–] [email protected] 45 points 2 months ago (3 children)

There was a fake story that he wrote about humping a couch in his book, Hillbilly Elegy.

It's been completely debunked, but people still talk about it because it's funny.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 2 months ago

Theres more to it. AP published a fact check titled something like "No, JD Vance did not have sex with a couch".

Later they took this down because they were unable confirm he did not have sex with a couch, only that he did not say so in his book.

As you can guess, this added a lot of fuel to the fire.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

now there's a new one that it was in the first edition and removed from later editions. also made up as far as I can tell

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

I'd suggest reading this: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/jd-vance-couch-cushion-story-hoax

TL:DR Some Twitter user posted a made up story about JD Vance having sexual with a couch, "which led to news publications uncritically repeating the hoax story as fact."

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 months ago (2 children)

It's a bit more nuanced than that. Essentially AP fact checked it and instead of saying "Hillbilly Eulegy doesn't contain a story about Vance getting freaky with a couch" they used the headline "Vance never had relations with a couch"

That's not something anyone could actually know for sure though, and they were called on it... and had to retract it...

Which of course lead to people wondering why it was retracted, and it kinda snowballed. I don't think anybody seriously believes it, but as the story goes, there's no evidence he DIDN'T fuck a couch lol

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Haha that's even better than if it were real 😆

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

akshually he fucked a glove stuck in the couch and technically speaking he fucked the glove and not the couch /s

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Here's a good write-up of it. It's pretty hilarious.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

Now we’ve reached the point where you have a faction of the internet believing Vance actually had sectional relations...

Lol

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

He pumps his dirty little dangler between the cushions.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Didn't Vance respond with something like "I've never had sex to completion with a couch" - or was that bullshit?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

To completion? What a coward, a real man would have stayed there and finished the job

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (2 children)

If the dude has any balls he'll release a home porn movie of him fucking a couch, just for the memes.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

Unfortunately, like, it would be so ballsy it would also get him in the joke. We would still call him a couch fucker, but it doesn't have the same amount of funny if he embraces it.

What the fuck am I saying id lose my shit

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I suppose it would be pretty on-brand for the party that's trying to completely outlaw porn to start producing their own super-weird porn.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Super on brand for them to do things they are trying to stop everyone else from doing.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Dude is more satisfied by a couch than a woman, allegedly

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

It was definitely alleged that Vance had frequent sexual contact with a couch using a rubber glove to collect and dispose of the evidence, yes.

AP initially fact checked it as false, but had to retract the fact check because it broke their own rule that fact checks have to be known to be correct.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago

The dude fucked a couch one time, that we heard about. You know it must be true since Jorkin Peanuts Vance denied it.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago

Are you American? If no, then you are dreadfully fortunate enough to not have to deal with it. Every election year is a bunch of apes flinging shit and this is just another turd in flight.

But if you still want the rundown it is "HA HA MAN FUK COUCH LELELELELELELELELE" and apparently it isn't even true. Credible, though, I know.