CMV - Expensive purses are a red flag (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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So a bit about me, I'm a very practical-oriented, some might say cheap person. I look at excessive luxury as a moral failing at any wealth level, either because you should be giving that money to charity, or because you should be saving it so you don't end up needing charity yourself someday.

However, finding a woman with a compatible mindset has always been a challenge, and it seems to be getting harder every year. I've been dating mostly online for a good while, and prior to the pandemic I pretty much never ran into a woman with a lot of luxuries in her life. Now it seems like almost every profile features a woman showing off a LV/YSL/Gucci purse that cost 4 figures or more. These luxury brand purchases are the hardest thing for me to relate to, because it's just the brand - it's purely to signal that you could afford to send some corporation your hard-earned money for virtually no reason. And you don't have to take my word for it, luxury goods are booming, especially among gen Y and Z.

Problem is, I'm finding it harder and harder to cut this massive chunk of the population out of my dating pool. I'm also attracted to the look of feminine accessories like jewelry and heels (isn't everyone?). And while I don't care if it's cheap accessories, there seems to be basically a 100% overlap between women who wear feminine accessories and those who like spending lots of money on brand names. I kinda hit rock bottom recently when I went on a date with a low-wage worker which made me excited that maybe I finally found someone down to earth enough, and then even she showed up with a $1200 purse (yes I looked it up).

So it's time to pause and seek alternative perspectives. I want to keep looking for the cheap-yet-feminine woman. But at the same time, I feel increasingly like I'm being an extremist. Is there some way I can understand the need for luxury brand purchases differently so I can find it more acceptable in a long term partner?

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[-] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

Looks can be deceiving, not everyone actually pays that amount up front for luxury items. There are sales, member clubs, outlet stores etc, that can mean the price one pays is a tiny fraction of the list price. There's also a fair amount of people who do fashion "churn" where they buy an item, use it, and then resell it later. That $1200 purse might sell for $800 making the net loss not as ridiculous.

I've ended up with a fair amount of luxury items from thrifting. Coach bags that were under $60, silk dresses that were $15, things that sold for hundreds of dollars new. Now, if someone is explicitly saying they spent a lot of money you have every right to consider that a detractor, but the brand alone doesn't mean they paid big money for it.

For a lot of people fashion is a hobby. How would you feel about spending $80 on a board game? $400 for a new telescope? $1200 for musical equipment? These might seem like extravagant expenditures for someone outside of the hobby, but for someone passionate about it it's justified. I'm sure you will be able to find someone who doesn't care as much about fashion (though they might not have a "hot" profile a dating algorithm would serve you but they're certainly out there in the real world) but it's likely they will still have a passion or hobby you might not relate to, and spend equally "unreasonable" money on that instead.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Ok fine, I don't know if we do deltas here but if so you get one. I guess even if I'm judgey about expensive accessories, I should wait until I understand the context more before holding it against them. Ironically I'd have absolutely no problem with someone who bought a fake expensive brand name bag, and that's always a possibility...

[-] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Thank you. For the record, fiscal responsibility is a fine trait to look for in a long term partner, it just might look different depending on people's circumstances. Someone with an LVS bag might have been able to work a week of overtime to earn it, while a retail or service worker might be spending a significant portion of their disposable income on streaming services or something else you'd normally consider practical. It just seems arbitrary to single out high end hand bags but not, say, ordering door dash every day or credit card debt. If you said a lot of credit card debt was a red flag for you, I doubt anyone would consider that unreasonable. Good luck in your search for a partner!

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Not everyone with expensive things paid for them. Some of those were likely gifts.

Gift culture is weird. Lots of people pay more on gifts for others than they would pay for themselves.

Perhaps these women do get something out of these items you can't see. Maybe 4 figures isn't too much to them. Maybe they come from a background where donating to charity isn't talked about.

this post was submitted on 06 Jul 2024

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