The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/JusticeForInvestors on 2024-05-19 19:25:28.
I work in an intense, unfulfilling job six days a week. My wife has not had a paying job since we got engaged 16 years ago. 7 years ago, I quit my "change the world" job, which paid little, but conferred distinction and a sense of doing what is right -- for a mercenary, awful job I hate, but which pays 10 times as much.
My wife enthusiastically supported, indeed urged, my job change to the higher paying but awful job. For a while I held it all in, but over time, particularly recently, I've told her clearly that this job is leading me to an early grave. It is awful the people and crap I deal with every day. It is immensely stressful and not rewarding in the least. But of course, as the pay rolled in, our standard of living increased, and the amount we spend each month is eye-watering.
Last night, at a cocktail party with my friends, my wife got drunk, and on the way home, tearfully told me that I "just don't understand her," and that what she "truly needs to feel fulfilled is a horse." We know many people with horses. After a few questions, where she kept replying that this horse or that "wasn't good enough for her," our discussion devolved into shouting.
I view this as a pretty simple thing. I want to go back to a job I like some day. I'd like to reduce our spending so I don't need to work until I'm 80. My son wants to visit Madagascar. My point is that people's wants, practical (not working until I'm 80 in an awful job) or impractical (visiting Madagascar) are often placed aside.
Also FYI - I don't have any hobbies. So it's not like I'm spending money on cars or something and then telling her that she can't.
I should add that we live in the suburbs of a big city. We do not have a backyard where a horse can graze. We would need to first buy a special breed of horse she demands for tens of thousands of dollars, pay for feed, veterinary, stable, insurance, etc. We're talking HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of dollars. Another stone in my backpack. Basically guaranteeing that I will never be able to do anything else.
I view this as her saying, in so many terms: Well *I* want to be fulfilled; but I don't give a shit about your stress and fulfillment.
Am I the asshole for not rushing to buy her a horse?