Lone Survivor Wandering Through Radiated Wasteland Regrets Not Meeting Q3 Benchmark

JACKSON, MI—Desperately scouring the post-apocalyptic landscape for his next meal, a lone survivor wandering Friday through a radiated wasteland in the year 2142 reportedly regretted not meeting his Q3 benchmark. “This is what I get for not taking click-through rates and SEO seriously,” said 37-year-old Donald Moore,…

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