I'm getting major "I'm asking for a friend" vibes off of this post.
this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2023
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Asklemmy
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I don't know, u/FART...
Um, I wouldn't. I would quit and move to another country.
"Do you smell that? I can't figure out where it's coming from!"
brother im gonna be real with you i think id never show up at that workplace again
You wouldn't have a chance, HR would have been notified instantly, because that's creepy A.F.
It depends. Did you, sorry, your friend, get caught sniffing a single seat or is there CCTV footage of them sniffing a lot of seats (presumably all the women in the office). The former is easier to get away with than, say, being caught licking a bicycle seat, just say your pen rolled under the desk and you were on your hands and knees by the chair fishing for it. If it's the latter then walk out immediately, then drive a truck laden with gas canisters into the front of the building and throw a Molotov cocktail at it in the hole that the explosion and fire would destroy any evidence and anyone who saw it.
If you couldn't bullshit out of that in in moment, you're not getting away with it now. Go work in a theater.
by getting it surgically altered. I could never show the old face ever again.
also, moving and changing my name.
yikes
okay dude, be honest where you the weirdo that got caught
Save face? You wouldn't need to... You get fired for doing shit like that.
"Does this smell like burnt toast to you? Oh, it doesn't? Maybe I should go to the doctor..."
I would probably just kill myself out of embarrassment tbh, to a seppuku thing because I have dishonored myself
Someone round the office has been ripping extremely distinctive aweful farts and I need to discover who in order to stop them
I'm trying to figure out which chair is mine - it has a faint coffee stain.
sniffing seats at work
Gently explain to anybody who will listen that you accidentally spilled some of your cocaine.
Seppuku
Why do you ask?
eye contact, then lick the chair
"My boss told me I get to be supreme chair sniffer for the day, can I sniff your chair?"
Sounds like somebody didnโt poop for a whole week
3 day no poop flashbacks
I don't think I'd have to worry as much since my sense of smell is basically gone.
I'm sure the people I'm working with would know that, so I'd be forced to save face for having my face too close to their seats, in which I got no clue how to save face from that.
username checks out