Has anyone here had polyamory work for them and sustained it for a long stretch (say 12 months)
Yeah. I've had one relationship that lasted about a year. We broke up because she wanted kids and I was cursed by god with genetically inherited severe mental health problems and can't have kids (if you were wondering why I'm always talking about killing god). She was moving away and it was a natural point to end things. Hurt a lot, but we mutually agreed it was a good time to end things. We didn't keep in touch but last I hear she was doing well.
Had another relationship that went about 18 months but broke down due to a bunch of factors. My partner was having serious problems with her other partner as their relationship fell apart, she felt a lot of stress and pressure to support me (again, mental health problems, attack and dethrone god), she was struggling to cope with a lot of her own trauma as well as housing and poverty. We mutually agreed to call it off and we're still buddies almost a decade later.
Define that further, do you mean the same person or the same set of people? I personally know a guy who fits the looser definition. Cool dude, spent time in Greece and Chiapas working with anarchist stuff. He’s been poly for well over a decade now. I ’m the guy he calls when he has a breakup and it’s not every year. So the 12 months you listed would apply.
I know you said here, but I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he was and just had Better opsec than me.
Had two partners for six years, and my one remaining partner has partners other than me. Don't know if I could entrust my heart with monoamorists
I've been polyamorous for like 4.5 years, so yes definitely. Have had one partner for 15 years (we were monogamous for much of that though!), another for 4, various other friends with romance and other relationship arrangements I have been involved with over the past few years. I'm part of a larger polyamory community in my area and I have friends from that who have been polyamorous for well over a decade. Someone I'm seeing lately has been polyamorous for nearly 20 years.
So yes! Definitely! I think polyamory is a very sustainable relationship style/orientation if done ethically and intentionally
Reading through 'Polysecure' and having a lot of profound realizations about myself and my relationships. The author explains attachment theory and uses it to explain general approaches and attitudes to mature romantic relationships. Now I'm finally getting to the part on polyamory. Key takeaways have been validating the need for connection and the conception of 'attachment needs'. It has also given me confidence in my perceptions of challenges in my current relationship. I think long-term I would not like to be in a polyamorous relationship, but the experience has been very helpful in thinking through my difficulties and mentality around attachment and romantic relationships.
I think everyone, regardless of relationship style, should read this book. It's really got a lot of valuable insights about relationships in it
Not sure how to describe myself in actuality between poly and aro but how do I deal with feeling like my heart just isn't as big as others. I don't have the capacity to love as much as the others in my life and it gives me awful feelings that only feed into each other and make it worse
I hope someone can provide some perspective or insight into this with you because I think it's interesting. I have known aro polyam folks before but never well enough to really understand their perspective. I know it works for people though! They definitely aren't mutually exclusive
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