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Making friends in adulthood (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Is it really harder to find true, meaningful friendships (not romantic and/or sexual) in more 'adult' years or is this an introverts problem? I am quite introverted at first, I would never just start a friendly conversation with a stranger and work friends usually are just work friends. I moved to UK in 2019 and since then I had few different jobs and connected with people from work, but none of them wanted to stay in touch outside work. I was a bit confused, as I thought those people enjoyed my company as much I did theirs. Not even sure if this is maybe a cultural thing? I grew up in Poland and Eastern European people are more direct than British, so you know straight away of they like you or not. What are your experiences? How do you deal with meeting new people?

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

It can be a lot more difficult to develop and maintain good friendships as an adult. You really need a longstanding topic to bond over. When you are younger you have education and daily interaction to bring you together.

I've found that to build friendships you really need to do something, enjoy something together and do it with some regularity. This is why joining a group where there is already a joint focus is recommended.

It is a bit of putting yourself out there and it can feel really lonely, I know.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

My two cents: make friends with other immigrants? Polish, Greek, Italian, Spanish, Ukrainian, Latinamerican… must be full of them, no need to make British friends if they don’t make it easy for you.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Meetup.com

Go find a "new in town" event. There will (usually) be people who also have no friends there that are motivated to make some.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Yeah, it is definitely harder as an adult. I'm not really at a stage in my life at the moment where I'm looking to make new friends (I feel like I'm just barely staying afloat with life and keeping up with my existing friends), but even still I've struggled with it over the years.

My brother actually moved to England with his family for work and had a very similar experience as you. He said that everyone was very friendly, but no one wanted to actually engage in any meaningful way. After two years and essentially zero friends they came back. He's from New England in the USA, which is kind of known for being standoffish, but even still he was shocked by the experience.

I do think the best way these days is to look for Meetups. People that go to them are generally all specifically looking to meet people which helps get over the awkwardness of actually meeting and talking to strangers.