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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Subject_You3151 on 2023-10-07 01:35:23.

21M

Every relationship I’ve ever had starts off with me and the girl having tons of sex, then 4 months later it almost just kind of fizzles out, like we just lose interest.

I really feel like the sex is part of the reason, jumping in way to quick, doing to much, then getting bored.

Whenever my next relationship is, I want to wait a while before we do anything. However I’ve never even tried to do this in any of my past relationships, we just always jumped straight into it.

Advice on how to start and keep a relationship going without having sex early on?

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Imighthavegonetoofar on 2023-10-06 22:33:50.

I've (19F) never been in a relationship. That's not to say I haven't had the opportunity, but I've frankly rejected everyone who tried because they didn't meet my standards.

So far, I only have three: my man can't be five years older than me, smoke any substances, or live far away.

99% of the guys that talk to me are significantly older than me. Of the two that managed to be around my age, one tried to pick me up by asking me for a cigarette and made it clear I was exotic to him. The other lived too far away, which is a shame cause he was an engineer. Unfortunately, he didn't take no for an answer and crossed boundaries which made me snap and killed all his chances.

Considering most of my options are significantly older than me, should I start reconsidering some of my standards? I've also noticed a lot of people seem to smoke too. I'm at a loss.

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/woodflizza on 2023-10-07 04:50:46.

I'm turning 35 in 3 months and I have zero experience with women. Wtf went wrong. I just never even tried. I just look in the mirror and I don't feel like I'm good enough or worthy. I've never seen any 'signals' from women which confirms to me that what I see in the mirror is true, I am probably just ugly. Is it all in my head?

Since I was 16, I had this idea in my head that "I will start dating girls once I've maximized my potential and reached my final potential" and this goal was like basically I was rich, had a nice house, car, perfect physique, bla bla. Nonsense ideology

Just feeling lost. There's still too many things "wrong" with me. What would you have me do give me some perspective

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Th_rowa_wa_y on 2023-10-07 01:46:22.

I've been single for my (25M) entire life, and no success despite trying. I've done tried actively looking for relationships in person, through friends, through OLD, I've tried just being myself and not looking for relationships and pursuing my own hobbies and socializing out and about, etc. Nothing has resulted in any relationship or seemingly any interest from women (which like, women aren't a hivemind but for the sake of simple language, you know what I mean).

I already have a good social circle of friends. I have a decent job with various trajectories for growth. I have interesting hobbies and interests that overlap both in mainstream and unique/niche areas. None of it makes me happy, and the only times where I am happy while I am single is when I'm socializing with friends.

I don't get why I'm supposed to somehow magically just "be happy by myself" when there's nothing about it that brings happiness. Like, for where I am in life, I've hit every major thing I wanted to achieve and essentially have general roadmaps for going forward in life materially; nothing in terms of any amount of material progress, gain, possessions, hobbies, or activities is making me happy because the only thing I want is to feel loved or like I could be desired.

It doesn't seem right that being unhappy at the thought of feeling unlovable should be a prohibiting factor in trying to find a relationship. Like, I'm not trying to use a relationship as some "solution" to "fill a hole" in my life -- as a person and in terms of everything else, I'm complete, independent, fine, and functional. There is nothing wrong in my life except me being single, and the only thing in my life preventing me from being happy is the fact that I am single, and that has developed over the years because I have exhausted my own endurance and capacity to be happy while being single.

This feels like a rant at this point but I'm mainly writing this post because I don't know what to do. I tried going to a therapist, but after nearly a year of wasting money I didn't get anywhere, and of course that's the whole point of therapy because "they aren't there to give you solutions". Like, I don't need someone to sit in a room and listen to me work out problems by myself like I already do without them there, I need someone to tell me how to fix my life and either be happy so I can actually be capable of being loved and desired, or to tell me what's wrong with me, or something.

I also know there are major limitations with posting on reddit in an anonymous fashion and that realistically I probably can't get any useful, actionable, or specific advice since nobody reading/responding will know me, my chat histories or interactions with other people, or otherwise. I can candidly say that, by and large, I've had pleasant and inoffensive conversations, that I've done a mix of approaches in-person and IRL, that I'm socially competent and a good conversationalist, but those general statements don't add much and could be interpreted as biased or lies or aloof or out-of-touch or otherwise due to presumptions anyone can make.

I'd just love to have some way of knowing how to grapple with all of this.

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/elon_fusk on 2023-10-06 23:57:36.

To all the short guys out there, whats your height and what works the best for you in getting dates?

I'm 5'6, brown guy and not getting any luck on dating apps, clubs/bars and cold approaching. I can easily hold a conversation and make friends with strangers but not great at flirting. Don't have many close friends either as I recently relocated to west an year ago. Don't know what to do. Would like to know what specifically worked for you?

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Spiritual-Emu-2180 on 2023-10-07 02:25:42.

I can’t be the only one to experience this…

One of my biggest frustrations in dating has been the guys I go out with, I’d say 80% of them don’t have the ability to stop talking about themselves. They have a lack of reciprocity in a conversation and complete lack of interest in who I am.

Last night I went on a first date that I expected to be great. It was the first time in a long time I even had butterflies before a first date. But again, I was so disappointed: We went to a bar and within 10 minutes, I knew how the date was going to go because he had already cut me off multiple times without an apology or even noticing.

I’m telling you, every time I would get a word in, he would yawn or go “yeah, yeah right right” as if he was in a hurry for me to stop. He clearly did not want to listen and only talked about himself. He asked me ZERO questions about me. He didn’t seem to be nervous rambling, either. He was very confident but even when I’m nervous, I can still manage to ask a question about someone.

When this has happened with other guys, they always think it was a great date but to me it was a total waste of time and I have to tell them I’m not interested in a second. They typically seem so confused as to why not. I just answer with something like “you’re great and nice but there’s not an emotion/communication connection for me”.

Anyways…. It’s just really frustrating. I’m not a narcissist and want to just talk about myself but damn, at least ask me what my favorite color is lol.

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/juststattingaround on 2023-10-07 02:11:02.

Okay so I know a girl who is average looking. She is slightly overweight, has a bunch of emotional baggage and kind of puts down everyone around her. But she SLAYS when it comes to the guys. She has so much game, I don’t even understand it. Guys give her 100% of their attention and they follow through and ask to date her. She gets whole relationships but since she’s kind of a jerk, they never last 😂 But she’s always the one that does the breaking up!

Then there’s my friend who has at least 2 or 3 strangers tell her everyday how “gorgeous” she is. I catch guys staring at her all the time and they look away whenever she looks at them. Guys fumble over their words when she asks them simple questions. She’s even been offered modeling contracts! No question, she is one of the most beautiful people I know. And she doesn’t wear a pinch of makeup. She loves exercising so her body is amazing, she’s super active, she’s crazy smart (aspiring med student) BUT she’s never had an official long term relationship. Guys never even ask her out. Sometimes guys fully ignore her in groups. It’s almost like they’re trying to be too cool or something. She really wants a relationship and when no guys make a move it really discourages her. Sometimes she’ll initiate and make the first move, but it never turns out well. I feel so bad for her!

I am so confused! How does that average-looking, jerk of a girl have so much success with guys while my friend is on the struggle bus? I guess my question for single guys out there is: is there such a thing as being too attractive? Like are guys intimidated to just ask her out?

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/T-Away738182773 on 2023-10-06 21:34:38.

I like to think myself as a average-slightly above guy. No means hot, but not bad.

I always get called a good person by…well…everyone. Not “nice” as in nice guy, no, good. I keep myself in shape, I love helping people and going out my way for them (not in a pushover sense, in a way I like to make people happy).

I’m currently a uni student, chasing my life goals whilst working part time. I’ve got a car, hobbies, I’m funny (women constantly say that I’m funny and entertaining, I’m always making them laugh!) and naturally flirty when I try.

I’ve not had a date in going on 5 years. I’m a bit sad about that really as it’s not like I’m not trying, it just never goes that way. I get on way better with women than men.

It’s been a while since I asked someone out, but last time I did the rejection reason was “you’re an amazing guy and I’d love to date someone like you, but you’re just not what I’m looking for. I’d like a man with attitude.”

I’m not really sure what this meant but other women suggested it meant I wasn’t “overly dominant” for that woman specifically. Like I said, I’m no push over, but I’m never gonna force someone to date me or push them. I’ve also been told that it meant she liked men chasing her and I didn’t play that game.

I’m getting kinda lonely as I approach 30. Is there hope?

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Melimelo3220 on 2023-10-06 20:36:39.

I’ve been seeing this guy who I met 5 weeks ago and one of the things I like about him at the beginning was how he only had eyes for me, yesterday he asked me out and we just ended up at his place, playing chess and talking, we went for a walk after that and I noticed he checked out every girl who walked in front us, no a simple stare, but turning head and all that, he almost dislocated his neck in the process… I’m not a controlling type, but I’ve dated other guys who never done this, I have a big brother too, which never showed this behavior in front of his girlfriend, so I don’t think it’s acceptable to say it’s “ human behavior” When I am with someone, whether I find them good looking or not I alway put all my attention in them and never stare at other men on the street….

my friend says this is normal in guys, yeah, it’s ok to look at an attractive woman in front of you for a couple of seconds but not every pretty girl walking by… I find this so disappointing and disrespectful..

Am I overthinking too much? Making it a big deal out it?

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Tumbleweed_Intrepid on 2023-10-06 18:36:53.

To start I turned 23 a few weeks ago and I’ve never had a girlfriend. The closest thing I’ve had to one was a girl who I was friends with for over 10 years developing feelings for me in high school but I didn’t want to date her because we grew up together and I didn’t see her that way. That was when I was 17 and since then it all went downhill.

I’m not sure what I am doing wrong and it is frustrating to see other guys who are fat, jobless, dickheads, or some combination of those get girls with ease and I don’t know wtf I’m doing wrong. I’m not the most psychically attractive guy in the world but I’m still in good shape and nothing is horribly wrong with me. Im not rich by any means but I’m doing well in my career and compared to most people my age. There must be something that they know that I don’t it’s the only explanation.

It’s frustrating cause people never tell you what you do wrong they just stop talking to you. I feel like if someone would actually tell me what Im doing wrong then I’d have something to work on and improve but no. They say “act like you don’t care” and I can 95% of the time because I keep myself busy but usually around my birthday is when I think about yet another year and nothing has changed. It’s so weird to me that people even say that it’s like telling a starving person “don’t care about food”

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/3CH0SG1 on 2023-10-06 15:42:47.

I'm just sick of all the games and smacking my head on the wall. Anybody else feel the same? It seems like everyone is already taken or just wants to die alone.

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/helpfulguy2 on 2023-10-06 19:36:18.

I am male 6’0’ slim fit. Long story short last week, this girl I am dating told me I should put on more muscle mass I’m too skinny. Other than this she has green flags all around.

However knowing I am physically not her type, makes me feel like she is settling for me. I felt a bit disrespected, how should I handle this?

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/stevow- on 2023-10-06 15:44:15.

Today is one month from knowing each others. Do you guys generally hold hands while dating this early?

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/One-Influence9883 on 2023-10-06 00:50:19.

Original Title: A guy I’m dating told me he doesn’t usually go for girls of my background(ethnicity) preference wise. But he is very attracted to me. I’m still not sure how to feel and I’m not sure if I should call things off or am I being dramatic?

Out of curiosity when he told me this, I went on his Instagram to see who he is following; I did this just to get a general feel of what his usual type would be. And it’s the total opposite of me, not even close.

I feel weird but not sure what to do It seems to be bothering me though.

EDIT: He didn’t randomly say it, we were on a topic about Race already

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/RoyalKaleidoscope727 on 2023-10-06 17:38:41.

Hi everyonr,

I'm far too short and unattractive for apps to work and approaching women at bars or in my day to day has been less than unsuccessful. What hobbies should I look into to find women that are more sapiosexual, so my looks won't be as much of a deal-breaker

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Defiant-Laugh-924 on 2023-10-06 14:16:57.

I’m asking this as a straight male. Basically I guess the question can be rephrased to “how to flirt”, but most of the answers to that question on Reddit, including this subreddit, have basically just been stuff like “talk to them as if they’re normal humans, make them laugh, etc.” which is good advice and all but that’s also how you talk to people you only see as friends too, so how do you say flirty things in a way you wouldn’t with someone you only saw platonically?

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/3gregious1 on 2023-10-06 14:01:05.

I go to university with this girl, she was on my corridor and I had a massive crush on her from day one. We spent a year together where we played games/watched films every night, she even asked me to be her date to a dance. I held her hand and linked arms with her, but for some stupid reason I still thought we were only platonic (I have a really hard time reading body language and stuff). She also went out of her way to touch me - arms around my neck, head on my shoulder - but I still thought it was platonic.

A year passed like this and she finally spoke to me frankly and said 'I'm romantically interested in you, are you interested in me? If so, hurry up because I have other people asking me out' haha. I really appreciated that and for the last week since she said that, I've been putting my arm around her and trying to cuddle (it's a little awkward but I'm working on it). Yet, now it feels like she doesn't want it? I feel like she leans away from me or isn't interested, yet yesterday she made a joke about our sexual tension?

I'm extremely confused and I wonder if anyone has advice on this. Do you think she lost interest in me this week? Or am I just misinterpreting? Should I go further and try to kiss her?

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/More_Amphibian_8792 on 2023-10-06 12:54:51.

My friend and I were playing games one night while calling when I noticed that he felt a bit down that night.. I asked him whats wrong and he says hes been having issues with his girlfriend. As someone who loves giving advice, I gladly offered to hear him out and see if I could help him out with it. Throughout the talk, I was understanding his perspective and was agreeing with him most of the time.

This made him say things like “oh you know me so much better than my girlfriend” , “why cant my girlfriend be like you” , etc..

but the thing that caught me very off guard was when he said “i feel like we’re right person wrong timing”… that felt odd to me but I just laughed to brush it off.

however he wouldnt stop saying things like that just because I understood him and how he felt.. either way I don’t think its right to be making those kind of comments to another girl when youre in a relationship.

To me it felt like it was cheating. I had to ask my friends about it, but I still am not sure what to think of that situation.

Is it this considered cheating??? He’s been with his girlfriend for 2 years now and I think the comments he made was not something you should be saying when in a relationship.

Update: I’ve read everyone’s comments and I’m understanding more about emotional cheating.

Though I feel like after reading these comments, I understand that asking if it’s CHEATING is not something I should have assumed. He was going through a tough time and I was just trying to be there to help him out.

I do 100# agree that it’s just disrespectful, but not cheating. Since then, I have been distant from him.

Also, after reading your opinions, I’ve been wondering if I should talk to his gf about it? Honestly I don’t wanna stir drama between them, but I had no idea that this would happen. I just thought I could give him advice and move on.

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Pitiful_Sentence_148 on 2023-10-05 21:56:47.

There was a guy I was seeing a while ago who I really liked, we hadn't ever slept together, just hung out a few times. One night we were drinking and talking and got onto the topic of amber heard and johnny depp as it was current at the time. I explained that i sympathised with amber as in the past, I had been raped and therefore felt a sense of empathy towards her as a woman etc. didn't go into much detail at all, if any, but that night when we went to bed he didn't seem to want to sleep with me despite indicating he had earlier. The next day I left and we didn't talk again. Last week I ran into him and we ended up having a catch up, I mentioned briefly that I hadn't heard from him again, to which he explained that he'd felt put off after what I told him about being assaulted. He said he would feel bad sleeping with me, as I was probably quite vulnerable in that department I sort of hated myself for ever having brought it up then, as I really liked him, but I didn't think it would have been enough of an issue for him to not want to continue things? I literally said it without thinking anything of it. Even though it's a traumatic experience, I don't let it affect me and it wasn't as if I started crying whilst telling the story or something (which again, I didn't even tell as I mentioned it so briefly) I'm just wondering if this seems like a legitimate reason for him to have stopped talking to me, or do you think he just lost interest and is blaming it on that instead?

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/duckeatsbird on 2023-10-06 00:26:57.

I (20F) met this guy (23M) on tinder a week ago, he's very awkward and dorky - but super sweet (writes out my likes and dislikes on his notes app to remember) and he's (in his own words) very inexperienced with dating. From what I know he's only dated one person, and hasn't done really anything sexually. We went out on Sunday, he brought me flowers and we got dinner, went to the arcade, and got dessert. He was super nervous during this but I still had a good time. We facetime basically everynight for several hours after going out Sunday, he also messages me all day. We went out yesterday and at the end of the date he asked me to be his girlfriend, which I think is wayyyyy too fast - how could you want to be exclusive with someone after less than a week of talking? I told him that I want to see where things go first and that we should give it some time - we haven't even kissed yet. He's told his friends about me, updating them on everything that happens. Again, I think he's really sweet, but I'm just put-off by how fast he wants this to go, I think I still need time to get to know him and I feel super pressured to keep going to see him now despite me not being as interested in him as he is with me.

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Ambitious-Leg5576 on 2023-10-05 18:24:55.

So I (33f) I’m part of a geek group and single for a while now. Went for a meet up where we watch the creator and after that went to a local pub to chat - one of the guys who I’ve known for a while asked if I was single because he had a friend who was single and looking for a relationship. Why we match - well similar hobbies, introverts, I’m quite independent and apparently he needs someone like me.

So I agreed to a intro date (quick meet up for about 30th a - 1hour to see if we’d get along on an actual date) after a lot of talking and selling of said friends positive points -so I went on this date yesterday after work he looked like his picture(so no catfishing) but the closer he got to me the more I knew and confirmed this cannot work because he stinks, like seriously stinks, 3 day old wet socks stink, smells like cex (for those in the uk you know the smell) like greasy hasn’t had a shower, what is soap, doesn’t know what a deodorant smells like etc.

I’m highly sensitive to smell and I actually had a vertigo spell (which I get from strong scents). He asked if was okay and where I wanted to go, so I suggested a roof top bar which I’m familiar with once we got there I sat next to the herb planters but that smell was too strong that it overpowered rosemary thyme and lavender. He took his jacket of and offered to me because I had goosebumps and I stated that’s okay my skins normally like this - could not tell him you stench is so bad I’m getting goosebumps and trying not to pass out.

I had one soft drink to be polite (paid for it) and used the lean in (hold breath) lean back (breathe out) approach he offered to buy my second drink but I had to refuse because I had to go home soon due to work. Chatted then left after 30 mins (can’t tell you what we talked about because I was focused on trying not to breathe him in) I said my byes he tried to hug me but I said I’m not okay with physical contact yet - once I got in my car I could breathe again got home toss my clothes in the wash and had a hot shower.

Got a text from my friend stating the guy really liked me and would love a weekend date - it’s a no for me. A massive no because there’s no was a 38 year old hasn’t heard of soap before he stinks really bad. Still haven’t replied to my friend. Help

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Cool-Ad-3417 on 2023-10-05 12:37:07.

He's 50. I'm female 48. Dating couple months, serious/physical/exclusive. known him for over 1 year. He has a close female friend lives 2 hours away. Used to be romantic w her about 15 years ago, known her for 20 years. He drives down and spends the whole weekend at her house couple times since we've been dating. I told him It makes me uncomfortable that he has overnights w females. He thinks I'm being weird. I don't even stay w guys when I visit out of town ones even when I'm single. Personally I don't think he should have private one on one female relationships. Am I crazy at this point in time? I for sure don't want that in a marriage but I can see his point that it's only a few months in and he doesn't want to give up a long time friend but I didn't ask him to completely cut her out of his life. How do you guys navigate opposite sex friends during dating? I see it kind of like a trial run at marriage so I kindof expect to be able to resolve this during dating and not wait til marriage to figure out the boundaries

***I'd like to reiterate that I did not say they could not be friends. Also initially I didn't say anything but he pressed me on it and wanted open communication about our feelings etc. So that's when I commented about my feelings. I did not ever say 'no you can't go' or anything to that effect. I was hoping he would say ok I'll just go for the day or hey come with me or something to that effect but he went a second time for a full weekend. I felt disrespected. On my end, when ive had close male friends that found a SO. I would make it very clear that I would include the female in any dealings I had with my friend. I would call her and invite the BOTH of them to something or sometimes even just chat with her. I think that is a respectable way to maintain friendships after one or both parties gets into a relationship. No private things that the SO didn't know about or wasn't involved in. Maybe that's old fashioned

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Glittering_Bear_5218 on 2023-10-05 09:24:30.

I’m a girl and I could do without sex just cuddle me and be tender. Is this weird?

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Appropriate-Bug5028 on 2023-10-05 08:16:58.

What do I do, I really care for her, had to bring to the ER today n just found out she texting other guys after she just told me she loves me. Long story short we got drunk she became almost unconscious and told me to bring her to the hospital. She’s in there’s rn and I have her phone there text from a random guy. Not sure what to do. I do care for her but I’m not sure how to handle this.

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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/neon_eyeballs on 2023-10-05 13:55:15.

As the title implies, I have no instagram. No Facebook. No Snapchat. No TikTok. Not even a LinkedIn…

When I’m talking to a girl and want to exchange numbers she almost always gives me her instagram instead. When I hit her with the “sorry bro, don’t got one” her body language changes and she looks at me suspiciously. Is it really that weird? Do I NEED an instagram to get a date?

EDIT: y’all…I didn’t actually call her “bro,” I was using a figure of speech. I’m sorry if it came out wrong.