askchapo

Thanks for asking, but I'm not doing too good.

I recently got an official diagnosis for depression, something I was pretty sure I had but I can totally explain why: I am underemployed and I have been for months. I live in an era where jobs are not seen as jobs, but rare luxury tickets to country clubs (even though most jobs pay next to nothing and have a mountain of requirements). Climate change has fucked over

But I'm still trying to get up every morning and get my shit together: I want to look at grad school options, find out what I like and am good at, and how to get more involved with what I KNOW I like, which is writing stories but I never pursued because those skills would get me laughed at as an idiot if I invested in them, and there's only a one in a million chance anything I make will ever get noticed. Hell, there's only a one-in-a-million chance of getting noticed in ANY field these days, yet employers have it in their head that being an industry celebrity BEFORE you even graduate college is the bare minimum, so if you were born in a rural red state like me, you're fucked.

EDIT: I wish I could go out and touch grass more, but there's fucking nothing to do. As I scroll through grad programs there's almost nothing I can say I'm interested in pursuing and I worry I'll just grow bored of anything I'm interested in, the internet is now an addiction for me. I want to get off and experience real life more, but IRL is just too expensive and no one's hiring, let alone hiring me. I pointed this out to my doctor that this is my explanation for being depressed.

Once again, I thank you for the check-in thread and thanks for hearing me out. I know I shouldn't use this website as a personal diary but I do like getting things off my chest like this.