this post was submitted on 30 Jan 2024
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Lemmy Be Wholesome
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Because it makes us feel safe, and it makes us feel like we'll be happy.
I have a Master's in Psychology, and I will always remember the disheartening feeling when I learned the most prevalent and accepted theory of what defines human happiness. Know what it is?
Comparison to others.
Very literally, the person in the tribe with the biggest mud hut is probably happier than you in your Chevrolet when your neighbor pulls up in a Cadillac.
Yes, we really are that small as a rule.
Comparison to others is the killer of all joy.
Is that what makes us the most happy, or is it where we most often seek happiness? I don't think they are the same thing. You aren't going to find the happiest people in the world living in poverty, but I don't think they are billionaires either.
and hence billionaires' obsession in having more money and bigger yachts than other billionaires.
What do you mean by the person in the tribe? Are you talking about a hypothetical tribal society and their happiness when removed from the civilized world as opposed to people in more modern communities?
Yes. A hypothetical tribe. I'm saying happiness is completely relative, but based on comparison to immediate peers.
And what can we do with this information, in psychology? Is there a way to shift focus away from it? Or is there something else to learn?
Usually, in therapy, one is encouraged to mindfully focus on celebrating their own achievements. Without comparison to others, and to develop positive self-talk about one's own value. These are copng strategies that can help someone depressed or hateful about fixating on others and comparing themselves.
But that takes training, receptivity, and dedication to the practice, because our default state and default mechanism for ascertaining satisfaction in life is that comparison we must take active measures to avoid.
Practicing mindfulness is the best first step if you're interested. It is a means to recognize your own negative self-talk. Once recognition is there, it opens more doors. It falls under Cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT, and it is a means to take control of your own thought processes, but requires patience and continued practice.
Thank you. It reminds me of something I used to do but stopped. I want to start over.