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Would someone please help me understand when using "they" as a catch-all pronoun is transphobic? (hexbear.net)

submitted 9 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

32 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I've seen a few posts recently calling people out for using "they" when referring to someone with gendered or neo pronouns.

As a long time dumb guy I was under the impression that gender neutral pronouns were basically always acceptable and I'm now concerned that I have been unintentionally making people uncomfortable.

My current understanding based on context is that once someone has made their pronouns known, unless specifically included, 'they' is no longer acceptable. Thank you in advance for taking the time to help me out

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[–] [email protected] 65 points 9 months ago (2 children)

right, if i don't know your pronouns then i'll use "they/them" as a non-gendered option. but if i continued to refer to you, acute_engles, using they/them pronouns when you've already made it perfectly clear that you prefer he/him pronouns, then i would be deliberately misgendering you.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I figured this was the answer. Thanks

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I think pronouns are fucking weird (imagine using different pronouns for ethnicity) but hexbear-agender

Anyway it can cause dysphoria for some so if you're responding to a post and their pronouns are right there... not much effort to avoid some potential negative feelings.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

imagine using different pronouns for ethnicity

Meanwhile in an alternate timeline, José Gaspar Rodríguez de Francia imposing a language reform to go with his intermarriage law:

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Cis privilege here but when I see this happen to hexbear users I give the benefit of the doubt until they blow their chance to apologize. I have no argument against what you're saying, and I think there's almost zero chance I could make this mistake in real life, but I feel like I'm bound to mess that up on here at some point because I'm still really awful with only reading post content and basically ignoring the usernames. I'm here a bit, but I don't spend anywhere near as much time posting online as I did 10-20 years ago and I can easily see myself slipping back to the habit where everyone is ungendered until their post content makes it clear.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago

until they blow their chance to apologize

yeah if someone makes a mistake, the right move is to apologize, try to do better, and move on. people make mistakes, it's okay. my brother in christ, we're all sinners.