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Visiting my hometown and feeling a bit sad (lemmy.dbzer0.com)

submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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So about 2 years ago, I moved away. Broken spirit broken person, over 3000 miles. However, yesterday I landed for my first visit back here. And I just feel weird. Like I'm not supposed to be here or something, it's very ominous. I constantly feel anxious.

The weirdest thing was seeing how my parents have started to age. And the woods where I used to hang out are all housing developments now. I'm currently sleeping on a mattress in my old room, aka the office now, surrounded by random shelving and printers and stuff. it's really a weird feeling in here too.

I don't know what I expected but I definitely don't feel like I'm "home". It's like some weird alternate dimension version of home. There's still some people I'm yet to see and I wonder how that's gonna go. So far everything already feels uncomfortably different. Alongside that, the rose tint has also come off and I have a lot of bad memories going through my head too instead of any sort of nostalgia. Almost like the different person I was back then is still lurking here somewhere watching me.

Anyone familiar with such a feeling, after being away for so long?

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

I went back to the town I spent summers in with my grandparents. I use to ride a little 24 inch bike all over town. I went to the beach, fishing etc.

When I got there everything was so much smaller and closer together than I remembered. Someone had bought my grandparents old house and left the original venetian blinds on the front porch which is the only thing that gave me some measure of comfort. There was a giant rooster statue outside the local diner and it wasn't so giant anymore to me. The road I lived on was blocked on one end and I learned it was from street racers that got one end closed permanently. This town was so quiet you could hear a mosquito fart and that day is was busy and loud.