Star Wars Memes

Rey ~~beats~~

barely survives a battle with

ren

moments after he's been shot by a wookiee bowcaster, which we've seen throw stormtroopers off their feet with massive gaping holes

when she first picks up a lightsaber, after having no experience even with a sword.

but extensive and demonstrated experience with a staff

This is the same ren that was trained by Luke

partially

and then smoke

who has no demonstrated skill with a lightsaber

since birth, and should be all accounts be nearly the best duelist current alive.

Which is your headcanon. It's not supported or implied by the film. In fact, the fact that he his lightsaber is falling apart and running ragged would rather imply that he hasn't focused much on dueling at all. But even if he is a grandmaster—I bet I could do pretty well against Michael Jordan one-on-one if he had a fresh two-inch bullet hole in his abdomen.

They immediately turn ren into a joke by having poe be not even the slightest bit intimidated by an extremely powerful darksider who can melt your brain with the force.

Which is so very unlike Han Solo, who is not even the slightest bit intimidated by Darth Vader's interrogation of him in Cloud City.

Their choreography was so bad they had to edit out a dagger mid fight or Rey would've died.

Which is so very unlike A New Hope, which features a stormtrooper bonking his head on a door in what's intended to be a serious moment of threat for the heroes.

The dice are both real and not real moments apart.

Which is so very unlike how Imperial troops don't care about droids in the escape pod but tthen do care about droids in the escape pod moments apart.

Hyperspace ramming.(is actually a thing, but also simply isn't feasible)

Hyperspace ramming is amazing and I will die on this hill. Have you seen the xkcd what-if about relativistic baseball? Heavy stuff goin fast makes big boom happen. Finn later says that it's a one-in-a-million shot, so there's no way that an understaffed organization like the Rebellion would've ever wasted people (even droids) or ships on something so unlikely to work before if there was any other option, and the Empire never needed to.

Plus, the Supremacy had been tracking the Resistance through hyperspace, which means it had to have been slightly opaque to hyperspace to receive a signal, increasing the situationality of the Holdo Maneuver.

Episode 8 was so bad I got turned off star wars for like 2 years,

I was so thrilled that they decided to try some new stuff with TLJ that I became an instant Rian Johnson fan. I don't think it all works perfectly, but so much of it would've been amazing if they had just stuck with it for episode 9.

and I still won't watch somehow palpatine returned" the movie

I agree that it's the weakest of the sequels. It might be the weakest of the nine, but that's a toss-up with AOTC, and I'll need a few more years to be able to make that assessment objectively.

The bottom line for me is, there's nothing in any of the ST that ruins it for me. The sequel trilogy is probably the weakest of the saga, but it's still fine and I'm sticking with that assessment.