Programmer Humor

No, I have an outline for a PERFECT realistic hacker movie that would put asses in seats. Basically, make it The Life And Times Of Deviant Ollam.

Imagine a slightly farcical take on a heist movie, like take on Ocean's Eleven with True Lies' attitude. It's kind of a heist movie, except the infiltrating crew has permission to be there from upper management, but no one else in the building knows this, and the stakes of getting caught are they get to tell their client their security is in fact pretty good. So since the stakes are non-existent, you can lean into the lulz a little bit. You have room for eccentric characters, witty dialog, a running gag of how hilariously bad door locks are, and an ending sequence where you've got a guy in the security room trying not to laugh as he texts the team leader "Just see what you can get away with." And then some of the team is deliberately silly, acting like rebellious teenagers on bikes in the parking lot chased by half the security team, wackiness ensues, intercut with the rest of the team breaking into server rooms and just taking over this company.

You can have the gearing up scene explaining what the gadgetry is. "This is an ESP key; it's a microcontroller with an onboard SD card and Wi-Fi, that we plug into the data wires on one of your badge readers. How do we get it in there? Send two guys wearing high vis vests, one of them carrying a clipboard and watching the other, no one asks a thing. Yeah, there's a tamper alarm that alerts the security guards if anyone opens the reader...I've never seen it hooked up. Now we get a list of every badge used on this reader, and when. See this guy who's badging in like clockwork every 45 minutes? That's a guard. And the ESP key isn't only listening, it can also talk. We can make it send a credential as if the reader did, and unlock this door remotely. Tiffany has two RFID implants, one in each hand. We've cloned two different credentials to the chips in her hands, so she can walk up, present her hand to the reader, and it opens, thinking the guard just badged in. She's carrying a bash bunny; which looks like a USB thumb drive, with a couple switches on the side. It's actually a little computer that, when plugged into a computer, it can pretend to be a flash drive, a keyboard that can automatically type a whole malicious program really fast, a network device, basically anything we need to compromise a target computer. All Tiffany has to do is walk up to a computer and plug this in. We have it set to put this small text file of an ascii art cow saying "you've been pwn'd" on the desktop to prove we've infiltrated that machine, but we really could do...anything we want."

Make me a movie where a guy breaks into a server room in Pepsi pajama bottoms and a t-shirt that says "I'm A Liability" by slipping the latch with a piece of plastic he finds in a nearby trash can.

AKA, make a movie about one of Deviant's convention presentations. It'll be endlessly entertaining.