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Then I hope the answers are enlightening to us both! Takeaways so far are just choose a smaller instance and see if you can find one that specializes in your specific interests. But making sure it's an instance that will be well and reliably run is the part I can't figure out yet.
I'm gonna take this back a bit cause my understanding of the All tab has changed significantly from people's responses. It seems choosing a larger instance is better for discovery, cause the All tab you see is just what people in your instance are subscribed to only, not all of the federated lemmy instances and communities. So I'm going to stick with a large instance for now (lemmy.world), then if I see a lot of content better fitting what I'm looking for on another instance, join that, or at least make an alt there.
Usually, it is correct, that the all feed would be smaller on a small instance, but "seeders", like lcs or lemmony can make the feed in all tab much larger.
It does this by subscribing to a lot communites. Lcs does for specific communities and lemmony subscribes to everything. You can see an example of an all tab with many subscriptions(added via lemmony) at my instance
I think the easist way to check, if an instance uses one of these seeders is to check the number of subscriptions in the instance. Or just ask the admin for the instance.