Jokes

3605 readers

2 users here now

Lemmy users' attempts at being funny

Welcome to the funniest community on Lemmy! The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:

Rules

1- Bigotry, sexualization of minors, and hate speech are not allowed.

2- Links of any kind are not allowed in posts. All NSFW or NSFL content must have a proper Content Warning.

3- Remember to treat your fellow users with kindness and respect. Repeated violations will result in a ban.

4- Any attempts at advertising, company/personal promotion, and spamming will result in a ban.

Sister Communities

To partner with our community and be included here, you are free to message me or comment on our pinned post.

Community Moderation

For inquiry on becoming a moderator of this community, you may comment on the pinned post of the time.

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

A man celebrates his 50th birthday by getting botox (ttrpg.network)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

4 comments fedilink hide all child comments

The procedure is surprisingly fast and is a rousing success, leaving the man's skin far smoother than it had been in years. He stops by a news stand to buy a newspaper when he suddenly decides to ask the vendor "hey, how old do you think I am?"

"Uh... I'm gonna say 40?"

"It's actually my 50th birthday, but that's good to hear!"

With a spring in his step, he heads into the butchers to pick up some sausages for the night's dinner. He decides to ask the butcher "hey, how old do you think I am?"

"Hmm... I'm gonna say... 36, maybe?"

"I'm actually 50, but that's great to hear!"

He's practically bouncing on his feet with joy at how well the operation went as he waits for the bus home. A little old woman walks up next to him and he immediately asks her "hey, how old do you think I am?"

The old woman pauses, squinting her eyes at him. "Well, my eyes aren't what they used to be, so I probably can't tell by your face, but I do have a trick that always works. Do you mind?"

The man allows the old woman to stick her hand down his trousers and have a good old rummage. He's stunned, but too intrigued to stop her. After several minutes of touching, she pulls her hand out and says "You're 50 years old exactly."

"Wha... That's amazing! How did you know?"

"I was behind you at the news stand."

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Damn I hope some granny does that to me some day 😔.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Alas, it isn't as fun as you'd think.

I got groped by many a granny during my years as a nurse's assistant. Somehow, while it makes for funny stories, it was not exactly the best feeling thing I've ever experienced.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Try again at 50

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I'm less than a year away! Free handjobs? Count me in!