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I mean. Yeah: I know transwomen (and men). When you've lived all your life as a cis person this shit is kind of a mind fuck. I never realized how lucky I am for my body and mindset to just fundamentally make sense to me. Until it got more visibility I had no reason to even consider that viewpoint and even now it is still foreign.
Just talk to people. Getting to know the human behind everything so that trans folks aren't just abstractions will definitely make you empathetic. I'm lucky enough to live somewhere fairly progressive where trans folks can let themselves happen whether they "pass" or not. By and large they just want to live and not have to be othered all the time.
I'm also willing to bet the lady who called you a transphobe is just sick of seeing bad faith arguments trickle down. Being trans in our society is massively anxiety provoking for reasons you'd expect. Hearing those same arguments that have been weaponized in other contexts (even if the person currently saying them is not necessarily a raging asshole) is triggering because of how blurry that line can get
It's interesting to try and imagine what it's like, as a cis person. I can get pretty bad anxiety moments, and I imagine it's just like that 24/7, and that's horrifying. What I can't imagine is withholding relief from someone going through that.
Maybe my perception is off and it feels different, but it's mental anguish of some kind, and I can empathize with that. It's probably much worse anguish than what I've experienced, but I can wrap my head around the idea at least. And yeah it makes me feel lucky -- I can't imagine what it would be like if the bad anxiety I got was also politically weaponized so half the country hated me.