No Stupid Questions
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It probably would have been beehaw if they didnt defederate so early. Given the viewpoints of the people in charge there expressed in their comments on defederating and refederating, I suspect that Beehaw is going to have a consistent problem with constantly defederating and refederating.
Lemmy.world is most likely to grow the largest now because the barrier to entry is low compared to the other two. Additionally, the instance name gives the impression of a general or catchall instance moreso than lemmy.ml or beehaw.
Beehaw wants a safe space. They don’t want diversity; just the very rigid thoughts and opinions of which the owner approves. For this reason they don’t want most people to subscribe. And that’s fine. Every community can make their own rules.
Of course, every instance has the right to preserve their own echo chamber. That is not a problem, but it could be later when users keep seeing communities from one instance go away and come back, or users get effectively "banned" from interacting with those communities because they signed up on the wrong instance. Even if they refederate, they'll be seen as unreliable by everyone else.
Its like banning all people who drive a Toyota from parking in your parking lot because some people you don't like drive a Toyota. Sure, you have the right to do that, but you will be losing out on the parking fare of those big communities of Toyota drivers, and even people who dont drive Toyotas but see you banning them. Then you get less traffic, less users, people leave, and it becomes a parking lot that is 98% empty.
This leads to hyper segmented communities, which have benefits, but normies don't really like when a place only has 3 active users.
Beehaw was big, but from memory, they were third, behind lemmy.world, and lemmy.ml before they defederated. The gap would have probably become larger over time, since their account creation restrictions would limit growth, for better or worse.
Agreed on the name thing, but the UI there is terrible. kbin is the most old school reddit-like one I've seen (admittedly I haven't seen much though) so I wonder if people will choose that in the end
UI will probably be fixed over time. Third party clients will arrive soon (some are already in early releases, such as Thunder: https://github.com/hjiangsu/thunder/issues)
Kbin has potential, I even tried to sign up for kbin but registration was disabled. So I just signed up to lemmy.world instead. Unless kbin is reopened for registration, I foresee many others doing exactly the same thing.
maybe try fedia.io?