I never got as bad as wanting to not be alive but a couple panic attacks made me suck it up and get the wheels rolling on seeing a Psych and getting meds. ADHD since childhood didn't help but the meds sure as fuck do. It sucks that you see what you're supposed to be doing but our social safety nets sucks so much, especially as adults, that you can't use them.

Finding insurance and a stable job can go a long way. Without them, it can be tough out of pocket. Finding the right combo of meds was what I knew I needed and ended up doing exactly what I needed them to. God damn they're expensive though. Mostly the stimulants and anti-drinking pills (Naltrexone FTW!) though.

Edit: Honestly just being tired all the time, especially in the mornings, was one of the worst parts. My depression showing up as numbness was handy as a Stoic, but life is better when you feel shit appropriately.

Kinda rambling, but keep on keeping on.