this post was submitted on 30 Oct 2023
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It's the only time I'm not thinking about all the things. Things I failed to accomplish today, what I have to do tomorrow, what I want to do but will probably be to mentally drained to do, the constant stress of work, crippling loneliness. General just so tired.
Once the stuff kicks in, all the noise stops. No longer burdened by it all. It's the few times I smile and feel somewhat happy. It's a lot easier to fall asleep.
Yikes. You've painted a vivid picture of the mindset that most people are in when they get addicted to drugs. Even if what you're using isn't inherently addictive thats a vulnerable place to be in. Hope you can find some healthy sources of help.
Just a friendly advice from a stranger. I'd prioritize figuring out my priorities if I were you. You can't have it all, and you'll get burned trying to have it all. Pick what makes you happy and work towards that. Don't burn out trying to please others, help others or make others rich, before you sort yourself out. What you're in, is neither normal, healthy or even safe.